Кейти Макалистер - A Girl's Guide to Vampires

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Joy Randall's Top 5 Tips for Vampire Hunters
1. Location, location, location. Remember, if you wouldn't be there, neither would a bloodsucker. They won't be found dead (ha!) in places like discos, ten-minute lube shops, or Switzerland. Check the Czech Republic.
2. Trust your eyes. You know the handsome, annoyingly arrogant, self-assured man in the shadows with long hair and a cleft in his chin? He's your vampire.
3. No matter how tempting it might be, DO NOT "ACCIDENTALLY" ACQUIRE A PAPER CUT AND SUGGEST YOUR VAMPIRE KISS YOUR FINGER TO MAKE IT BETTER. What you offer as a snack, he might take for a four-course meal.
4. From here on out, play it cool. Don't offer to accompany your prince of the night on the talk show circuit and WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T OFFER HIM YOUR HEART.
5. And most of all, remember—being a vampire is nothing to laugh about.

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I grabbed Christian by the hand and hauled him with me as I ran after Roxy. "But what did you mean when you said something was the answer to my visions?"

She stopped just beyond the stretch of graveled area that served as the hotel's parking lot. "Think about it. You have visions seeing Raphael approaching the bar—"

"A man. I didn't see his face. It could be anyone."

She gave me a condescending look. "Hardly. OK, so you see this man approaching the bar, projecting his thoughts and feelings to you as he gets closer, right?"

I shot a quick glance at Christian, realized I was still holding his hand, and dropped it with an apologetic moue. "You must really think I'm nuts."

"On the contrary, I find this fascinating," he said. "Who knew there were such dark depths to Raphael? He seemed like a perfectly ordinary man to me."

That set my hackles to rising a bit. "He's anything but ordinary."

His eyebrows went up. "Indeed."

"Do you want to hear this or not?" Roxy interrupted. I nodded. "Where was I? Oh, that's right. So, you're having these visions of what Raphael or whoever is seeing and doing as he approaches. Did it get worse just before he came in?"

I nodded again, my skin prickling with the remembered sensation of danger approaching. I frowned for a moment, examining that thought. Why was it that when Raphael approached the bar I felt danger drawing closer, but when he was angry with me earlier tonight I felt perfectly safe with him? I asked Roxy.

"Easy," she said, making an impatient gesture with her hands. "He wasn't aware of you before he saw you, but he was afterwards. A Dark One would never harm their Beloved, you know that as well as I do. To get back to your visions—once he entered the bar and saw you, he must have recognized you for his soul mate, seen that you were picking up this thoughts, and closed them off to keep from distressing you further."

I twisted my hands together as I thought it over.

"Makes sense, doesn't it?" Roxy asked Christian.

"It would appear to, yes."

"But this evening…" She shot an appraising glance at Christian. "Dark Ones are notoriously jealous about their soul mates. I'd suggest that in the future you keep your flirting with Joy to a minimum, unless you want to tangle with a really pissed-off vampire."

He gave her a faint smile. "That would, I admit, be a unique experience."

She nodded. "Any more questions? No? Good. Let's go, I want to check out the fair and see how many other vampires are there, and then we'll corner Raphael and get all the dirt from him."

"We will do nothing of the kind," I said firmly as I stalked behind her, Christian at my side. "I'm willing to concede, since the only other explanation is that I'm going quite, quite mad, that I'm having visions, and the visions' source is a vampire, but we don't know if it is Raphael or not. The poor man could simply be in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"Hrmph," she snorted, slowing down until she was walking on the other side of Christian. "How likely is it that there's another Dark One lurking about that you haven't seen? You said yourself that Dominic is fake, and he's the only other guy around here who fits the bill, right?"

"Maybe. Regardless, I don't want you saying anything to Raphael."

"Now you're being stubborn. There's no other explanation that fits. What do you think?" she asked Christian.

He raised both hands in a gesture of neutrality. "I believe I will leave this discussion to the experts."

"I'll give you some of the Book of Secrets novels in the morning," she said. "You read them. You'll see I'm right. I'm always right when it comes to Dark Ones!"

Fifteen minutes' walk away from the hotel was a wide, open meadow. The north end of it was given over to the GothFaire, a circle-shaped collection of trailers, small tents and wooden booths, and one large main tent structure at one end where the bands performed. It was strongly reminiscent of a small traveling circus, right down to the smell of stale smoke and popcorn. The south end of the field, empty when we had seen it the morning before, was starting to fill with individuals' tents, trucks, cars, and portable toilets. Beyond the tent city rose a dark line of trees marking the edge of a forest, through which a turret of Drahanská Castle could be seen, the rest hidden by the trees.

"What's the game plan, Rox?"

"Tarot card readings, Kirlian aura photos, palm and rune-stone readings—Arielle is doing those since their palm/ rune-stone reader left—spells and incantations…"

"It sounds like one of those psychic fairs they set up down at the bingo hall," I protested.

"This is better. The GothFaire is run by real vampires, so you know everyone working for them must be the real thing, too."

"Why settle for imitation vampires when you can have the real thing?" I teased, looking to Christian for sympathy. He just shrugged.

I ignored Roxy's frown. "OK, let's start at the top of your list. Who's doing the tarot card readings?"

"Tanya."

"Thanks for warning me. I'll stay away from that booth. What about the aura photos?"

"Done by a couple named Reynaldo and Demeter," she answered, reading the fair pamphlet that was pushed in our hands after we paid the admittance fee. "Bet Reynaldo's a vampire. Oh, this sounds interesting! There's a woman who does past-life regressions. At eight, Dominic is doing his Magique Macabre show, and then at ten, the music starts. Tonight there's two bands—Six Inches of Slime is first, followed at eleven-thirty by a local band named Rychlovka." She looked up at Christian. "What's that mean?"

He choked.

"That bad, huh?"

"I fear so."

"Really?" I asked as Christian grabbed my elbow and steered me around a group of teenagers dripping in narrow chains, clunky shoes, and more black vinyl than you could shake a stick at. "Is it a swear word? If I get really annoyed with Roxy, can I snap out ' rychlovka' at her?"

He laughed. "It is not a word of swearing, no. It means to engage in a quick sexual act."

"Rats. I guess I'll just have to make do with do prdele "

He choked again. I grinned and looked when Roxy pointed to a small black tent with a crowd gathered around it. "What's over there?"

The crowd parted as we approached. One of the vinyl-clad teens was doubled over a bucket. I glanced up to a sign hanging on the tent behind them. "Piercings. Remind me to avoid this tent."

"You and me both, sister," Roxy said with a dark look at the ralphing teen. She turned her attention back to the pamphlet. "Hey, this sounds like it'll be right up our alley—a Dungeon Room! Interesting, huh?"

I made a face at her suggestion and continued what I'd been doing ever since we had arrived—scanning the crowds for a tall, handsome man with unnatural amber eyes, and what I feared were even more unnatural dining habits.

"Dungeons, I have found," Christian spoke up in a voice that was as smooth as milk chocolate, "do not in general meet the expectations one has of them. What do you suppose is the attraction in this particular dungeon room?"

"Um… let me see if it tells." Roxy flipped over the pamphlet. "It just says 'Enter the Shadoworld and fulfill your dark destiny.' What do you think that means?"

I stopped peering around the crowds long enough to grin at her. "I think it means you'd better stay away from it unless you want to experience the sting of the lash on your tender little flesh."

"You have bondage on the brain." She tucked the flyer away and clutched Christian's arm, giving him one of her impish grins. "I bet Christian isn't afraid of a little dark destiny. You'll go with me to the dungeon room, won't you? Joy, as you can plainly see, is too much of a poop to have a little fun in a dungeon."

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