P.C. Casr - Chosen

"Yeah, I'll bet. I remember how tough it was to be alive. All filled with dating drama and ohmygoodness, what should I wear to school. Real awful, unlike the stress of being dead and then undead but still feeling mostly dead." Stevie Rae spoke in the cold, sarcastic voice that was totally different from the way she used to sound, which suddenly annoyed the crap right outta me. Like I didn't have stress in my life just because I wasn't dead? Or undead? Or whatever.

"Professor Nola was killed last night. It looks like some of the People of Faith crucified her and chopped her head off and left her out by the trapdoor on the east wall with a lovely note about not suffering a witch to live. I think that my step-loser might be involved, but I can't say anything about it because my mom is covering for him, and if I rat him out she'll probably go to jail forever. I just sucked Heath's blood and got interrupted by some gang wannabes who I think I might have kinda sorta accidentally killed, and Loren Blake and I have been making out. So, how was your day?"

The old Stevie Rae flickered inside this one's red eyes. "Ohmygoodness," she said.

"Yeah."

"You've been making out with Loren Blake?" As usual, Stevie Rae got to the heart of the juiciest gossip. "What was it like?"

I sighed and watched her start on her second bag of blood. "It was amazing. I know this is going to sound totally ridiculous, but I think we might really have something together."

"Just like Romeo and Juliet," she said between swallows.

"Uh, Stevie Rae, let's use a different analogy, shall we? R&J didn't end so well."

"I'll bet he tastes good," she said.

"Huh?"

"I mean his blood."

"I wouldn't know."

"Yet," she said, and reached for another bag o' blood.

"Speaking of. You'd better slow down on the blood drinking. Neferet called in the Vamp's Sons of Erebus warriors and it's pretty hard to sneak out of school right now. I'm not sure when I'll be able to get back here with more tasty bloody goodness."

A shiver passed through Stevie Rae's body. She had been looking almost normal, but at my words her expression flattened out and her eyes reddened.

"I can't stand it much longer."

She'd spoken in such a low, strained voice that I almost didn't hear her.

"Is it that big of a deal, Stevie Rae? I mean, can't you just ration yourself or something?"

"It's not like that! I can feel it slipping away… more and more each day… each hour."

"What's slipping away?"

"My humanity!" she practically sobbed.

"But, honey," I scooted over and put my arm around her, ignoring the weird way she smelled and the fact that her body was so rocklike. "You're better. I'm here now. We'll figure this out."

Stevie Rae looked into my eyes. "Right now, I can feel your pulse. I know every time your heart beats. There's something inside of me that is screaming at me to rip your throat open and drink your blood. And that something is growing stronger." She pulled away from me, moving to press herself against the end of the couch. "I can put on the old Stevie Rae's face, but it's only part of the monster in me. I just do it so that I can hunt you."

I took a deep breath and refused to look away from her. "Okay, I know some of that is true. But I don't believe all of it, and I don't want you to believe all of it either. Your humanity is still there, inside you. Yeah, it might be getting buried, but it's still there. And that means we're still best friends. Plus, think about it. You don't have to hunt me. Hello—I'm right here. Not exactly hiding."

"I think you might be in danger from me," she whispered.

I smiled. "I'm tougher than you think, Stevie Rae." Moving slowly so I didn't startle her, I reached out and put my hand over hers. "Draw on the power of earth. I believe you're different than the rest of the, uh—" I paused, trying to figure out what to call them.

"Gross undead dead kids?" Stevie Rae supplied.

"Yeah. You're different from the rest of the gross undead dead kids because of your affinity with the earth. Draw on that and it will help you fight whatever is going on inside you."

"Darkness…it's all darkness inside me," she said.

"It's not all darkness. The earth is in there, too."

"Okay … okay…" she panted. "The earth. I'll remember. I'll really try."

"You can beat this, Stevie Rae. We can beat this."

"Help me," she said, suddenly squeezing my hand so hard I almost cried out. "Please, Zoey, help me."

"I will. I promise."

"Soon. It has to be soon."

"It will be. I promise," I repeated, not having a clue how I was going to keep my promise.

"What are you going to do?" Stevie Rae asked, eyes desperately locked with mine.

I blurted the only thing that came into my brain. "I'm going to cast a circle and ask for Nyx's help."

Stevie Rae blinked. "That's it?"

"Well, our circle is powerful and Nyx is a goddess. What more do we need?" I sounded way surer than I felt.

"You want me to represent earth again?" Her voice quivered.

"No. Yes." I paused guiltily, wondering what I was supposed to do about Aphrodite. It had been clear when she manifested earth that she was supposed to join our circle. But would it freak Stevie Rae out to see her place filled by someone she definitely considered an enemy? Plus, no one except Aphrodite knew about Stevie Rae, which is how I needed to keep it until I was ready for Neferet to know I knew about her. Issues. I definitely had issues. "Uh, I'm not sure. Let me think about it, okay?"

Stevie Rae's expression shifted again. Now she looked broken, utterly defeated. "You don't want me to be part of your circle anymore."

"It's not that! It's just that you're the one who needs to be healed, so it might be best if you're in the center of the circle with me instead of standing in your normal place." I sighed and shook my head. "I need to do some more research."

"Do it fast, okay?"

"I will. And you have to promise me that you'll go easy on the blood and stay here and focus on your connection with earth," I said.

"Okay. I'll try."

I squeezed her hand and then pried mine from her grip. "I'm sorry, but I gotta go. Neferet is having a special ritual for Professor Nolan, and then I have to do the Full Moon Ritual thing." And I was going to have to hit the library again and come up with some kind of ritual that might help Stevie Rae. And I didn't have a clue what to do about Loren. And Erik was probably going to be mad at me for taking off. And I hadn't broken up with Heath. Jeesh, my head hurt. Again.

"It's been a month."

"Huh?" I was standing, and already distracted with thinking about all the ands I had to deal with.

"I died during the last full moon, and that was one month ago.

That got all of my attention. "That's right. It has been a month. I wonder …"

"If that might mean something? If tonight might be the right time to try to fix whatever happened with me?"

I almost flinched at the sound of her hope-filled voice. "I don't know. Maybe."

"Should I try to get on campus tonight?"

"No! The place is crawling with warriors. They'd grab you for sure."

"Maybe they should," she said slowly. "Maybe everyone should know about me."

I rubbed my head, trying to understand what my gut was telling me. It'd been shouting to keep Stevie Rae a secret for so long that I couldn't tell if I was still supposed to keep her hidden, or whether what I was feeling were just echoes and confusion (and probably some desperation and depression thrown in there, too).

"I don't know about that. I—I need a little more time, okay?"

Stevie Rae's shoulders slumped. "Okay. But I don't think there's enough of me left to last another month."

"I know. I'll hurry," I said inanely. I bent and hugged her quickly. "Bye. Don't worry. I'll be back soon. Promise."