Cate Tiernan - Book of Shadows

Next Cal put an identical small brass bowl, filled with sand and a burning stick of incense, at the east side of the circle.

"This incense symbolizes air, another of the four elements," Cal said, focused but utterly relaxed. "Air is for the mind, the intellect Communication."

In the south he stood a cream-colored pillar candle about eighteen inches high. "This candle represents fire, the third element," Cal explained, looking at me. "Fire is for transformation, success, and passion. It's a very strong element."

I felt uncomfortable under his gaze and looked down at the candle instead. Firelight, my soul is bright , I thought.

Finally, at the western side, Cal put a brass bowl filled with water. "Water is the last of the four elements," he said. "Water is for emotions. For love, beauty, and healing. Each of the four elements corresponds to astrological signs," Cal explained. "Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius are the air signs. The water signs are Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces. Earth signs are Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn. Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius are fire signs." Cal looked at me again.

Could he tell I was a fire sign—a Sagittarius?

"Now, let's join hands," he said.

I was closest to Robbie and Matt, so I took their hands. Robbie's hand was warm and comforting. It felt strange to be holding Matt's hand, smooth and cool. I remembered how Cal's had felt and wished I was standing next to him again. Instead he was sandwiched between Bree and Raven. I sighed.

"Let's close our eyes and focus our thoughts," said Cal, bowing his head. "Breathe in and out slowly, to the count of four. Let every thought still, every worry fade. There is no past, no future, only the here and now and we ten standing together" His voice was even and calm. I bowed my head and closed my eyes. I breathed in and out, thinking about candlelight and incense. It was very relaxing. Part of me was aware of everyone else in the room, their quiet breathing and the occasional shifting of their feet, and part of me felt very pure and removed, as if I were floating over this circle, watching it from above.

"Tonight we're going to do a purifying and focusing ritual," Cal explained. "Samhain, our new year, is coming up, and most witches do a lot of spiritual work to get ready."

Once again we moved in a circle together, holding hands, but this time we moved slowly in a clockwise direction— deasil , Cal called it, as opposed to widdershins , which is counterclockwise.

For a moment I felt nervous about the end of the ritual. The last time I had done this, I had felt like someone had buried an ax in my chest, then felt like crap for two days afterward. Would that happen again? I decided it didn't matter, that I wanted to try this. Then Cal began the chant

We began to repeat his words. For several minutes or maybe longer we moved in a circle, chanting. Glancing around the circle, I saw people starting to relax, as if they felt lighthearted and happy. Even Ethan and Raven seemed lighter, younger, and less dark. Bree was watching Cal. Robbie had his eyes closed.

We began moving faster and chanting louder. It was right after this that I became aware of palpable energy building up around me, within the circle. I looked around quickly, startled. Cal, across the circle, met my eyes and smiled. Raven's eyes were closed now as she chanted and moved unerringly in our line. The others looked intense but not alarmed.

I felt pressed in upon somehow. As if a big, soft bubble were pressing in on me, all around me. My hair felt alive and crackling with energy, and when I next looked up at Cal, I gasped because I could see Cal's aura, glowing faintly around his head.

I was awestruck. A fuzzy band of pale red light was glowing around him, shimmering in the candlelight. When I glanced around the circle, I saw that everyone had one. Jenna's was silver. Matt's was green. Raven's was orange, and Robbie was surrounded by white. Bree had a pale orange light, Beth had a black one, Ethan's was brown, and Sharon's was pink, like her flushed cheeks. Did I have an aura? What color was it? What did this mean? I stared, marveling, feeling joyful and amazed.

As before, at some unseen signal the circle stopped abruptly and we all threw our hands into the air, our arms outstretched. My heart throbbed, and so did my head, but I didn't stumble or lose my balance. I just pulled in a fast breath and grimaced, rubbing my temples and hoping that no one noticed.

"Send the cleansing energy into yourselves!" Cal said firmly, making a fist and thumping it against his chest. Everyone did the same, and when I did, I felt a great warmth rush in and settle in my abdomen. I felt calm, peaceful, and alert. Immediately after that I became nauseated and sick. Oh, help, I thought.

Cal instantly crossed the circle and came over to me, I was swallowing hard, my eyes big, hoping I wouldn't be sick right there. I just wanted to cry.

"Sit down," Cal said softly, pushing on my shoulders. "Sit down right now."

I sat on the wooden floor, feeling motion sick and awful.

"What is it this time?" Raven said, and no one answered.

"Lean over," Cal said. I was sitting cross-legged, and he gently pushed on the back of my neck. "Touch your forehead to the floor," he instructed, and I did, rounding my back and flattening my hands, palms down. Instantly I felt better. As soon as my forehead touched the cool wood, with my hands braced on both sides of me, the waves of sickness passed, and I quit gasping.

"Are you okay?" Bree knelt next to me, rubbing my back. I felt Cal brush her hand away.

"Wait," he said. "Wait until she's grounded."

"What's wrong?" Jenna asked, concerned.

"She channeled too much energy," Cal said, keeping his hand on the base of my neck. "Like at Mabon. She's very, very sensitive; a real energy conduit."

After a minute or so he asked, "Better now?"

"Uh-huh," I said, slowly raising my head. I looked around, feeling embarrassed and vulnerable. But physically I was fine, no longer queasy or disoriented.

"Do you want to tell us what happened?" Cal asked gently. "What you saw?"

The idea of describing everyone's auras seemed intimidating— too personal. Besides, hadn't they seen them, too? I wasn't sure. "No," I said.

"Okay," he said, standing up. He smiled. "That was amazing, you-all. Thanks. Now, let's go swimming."

"Oh, yeah," Bree said enthusiastically. "Swimming!"

"There's a pool out back," Cal said, crossing the room. He opened a wooden door set back into an alcove. Brisk night air swirled into the room, making some flames go out and others dance.

"Okay," Jenna said. "That sounds great."

Ethan looked hot, his forehead damp beneath the tightly curled ringlets on his head. He wiped his face on the sleeve of his army-surplus shirt. "Swimming would be cool."

Raven and Beth smiled at each other like the Siamese cats in Lady and the Tramp, then headed to the door. Robbie nodded at me and followed them. Bree was already through the door.

"Um, is this an outdoor pool?" I asked.

Cal smiled at me. "The water's heated. It'll be okay."

Of course, the huge thing going through my mind was that I hadn't brought a bathing suit, but somehow I felt if I mentioned this, everyone would laugh at me. I went through the door after Sharon, followed by Cal. Outside was a spiral staircase, and its steps led all the way down to the first floor, to the patio. I gripped the banister tightly and went down, hoping not to lose my balance.