Cate Tiernan: Reckoning

He drew the circle in salt. We blessed the four elements—fire, earth, water, and air—and performed a power chant to bring energy to our circle. Hunter sat us all down and started the ritual for that week.

"Some of us haven't been feeling very well lately," he said. I thought he must be referring to the dark wave that had almost engulfed Widow's Vale just days before. As it approached, it had made all of the blood witches incredibly sick. Morgan and Hunter had recovered. My head was still sore from where I'd hit it on a gravestone while we were in the old cemetery, fighting the dark wave. Hunter's father, Mr. Niall, was still weak.

"It's true," said Bree. "This is a really bad time for allergies and flu."

I almost laughed, but I was able to hold it in.

"Actually," Hunter said, "the purpose of this exercise is to clear our mind of things that have been troubling us. It's designed to purge us of negative feelings that we may be holding back, feelings that may inhibit our personal progress. Sometimes illnesses are related to emotions, and when we release some of the bad ones, we can experience improved well-being."

He had placed a little cauldron in the middle of the circle. This was full of twigs and bunches of herbs. Next to it was a small pile of handmade papers and a box of pencils.

"Clear your mind for a moment," he said, "and concentrate on finding something that is blocking you. Then I'd like everyone to get a piece of paper from the center," he went on, pointing at the papers. "Write down what you've come up with. Something that causes you pain. Be as clear as possible. When you're finished, fold the paper and put it into the cauldron."

Those little papers weren't going to do the trick for me. I needed something a bit more sizeable, like a three-subject notebook. Everyone else seemed fine with it, though. Raven scribbled just one word, the flicked hers into the cauldron. Other people took more time, carefully choosing a few words. I did my best to cram as much as I could onto the slip. When we had all completed this, Hunter took out his bolline and carved something into a dark blue candle, which he then turned and showed us. There were two runes sliced into the wax.

"Yr," he said. "Death, the end. Then dag, the dawn. Clarity. May the spark of this flame purify us and lift these weights from our souls and minds."

"Alisa," Hunter said, looking at me with a smile, "Would you mind leading the chant? Just repeat the following as we go around: Goddess, I turn myself over to you. With this smoke, so goes my care."

I knew Hunter was making a special effort to include me in the ritual. After all, aside from him and Morgan, I was the only other blood witch present. This was something the others didn't know. We joined hands and began walking deasil, and I started the chant. My voice sounded squeaky and thin next to Hunter's, but I did my best to speak as clearly and boldly as I could.

At first all I felt was a kind of lightness, as if I was taking a brisk shower and washing off layers of emotional grime. I could actually see it coming from my skin, like a slight vapor. I sometimes saw things like that now—colors, auras—things that were invisible to me before.

"Goddess, I turn myself over to you," I repeated. "With this smoke, so goes my care."

Some of the others had their eyes closed, but mine were open. I was fascinated by what I was seeing. The substance was coming of everyone now. Around some people it was a fine mist, but Morgan, Hunter, and I appeared to be smoldering. It was as if the fire was burning the emotion up just like the slip of paper and pushing the smoke through our pores.

"Goddess, I turn myself over to you…"

We circled around and around, the energy mounting higher and higher. I felt a force rising up from me—something swelling up, wanting to get of me, jump out of my mouth or break out of my skin. It was such a powerful feeling that I had to push it down in order to keep speaking and moving, but my voice started to crack under the strain.

"With this smoke… so goes my care."

I had written too much on the slip, I realized. I had brought up too much. The smoke was obscuring my vision, tightening my throat. It's not real smoke, I told myself. It's magick. Focus. You can breathe, Alisa. You can speak. But my voice was still crumbling to pieces. Control it! I thought.

I noticed that some of the others were acting a little strangely, looking all around and falling out of step. Then I suddenly realized why. It was just a little sound at first, and I'm not even sure when I became aware of it. All the pipes in the house were rumbling. The sink in the kitchen had turned itself on. The toilets began to flush themselves.

"It's all right," Hunter said. "Keep going, everyone." But he, too, looked around in surprise. His gaze fell on me. By this point I could barely speak or see. The force of the spell was dragging things up from every corner of my mind, every cell of my being, and I just had to keep shoving them down to keep going.

"Goddess, I…" Every word was hard. "… turn my… self…o…ver…"

The hiss of water could be heard coming from every corner of the entire house. The shower had come on.

"What the hell is that?" said Raven, breaking the circle. Everyone stopped moving.

"Stay within the circle," Hunter said firmly. But it was no use. The others had already broken away in confusion. The sounds only got louder. Now the pipes thumped in the walls, trying to hold back the swell. Then they gave up the effort, and the running water took on a raging, fearsome quality. The faucets were no longer just running, they were gushing. Water could be heard hitting the floor of the bathroom above.

It was me, I realized through the haze. I was doing this with my telekinesis. I was wrecking this whole house, and I couldn't even stop myself. It was this emotion—this smoke coming out of me. Force it down! I told myself. Force it down! I gave up the chant and started slapping my body, as if it was covered in real fire that I could extinguish. But it didn't work. Hunter quickly stepped over to me and put his hand to my forehead. A strange warmth came from him, which dribbled down over me. The smoke began to subside, and my mind began to clear. I could see everyone standing there, looking at me.

"What's she doing?" Raven asked, pointing at me. "Why was she hitting herself?"

"I'm fine," I lied, my voice hoarse.

"Perhaps it would be best to call it a night," Hunter said quickly. The others looked at one another and silently started reaching for their jackets. I felt my stomach sink. My only thought now was that if I had turned on the water, maybe I could turn it off. I lurched to the kitchen. Water came out of the faucet with such force that it actually bobbed up and down in waves. The stopper must have been plugging the sink because the whole thing was full and water was pouring out, covering that part of the floor. I reached for the knobs, but they were useless.

"Turn off," I said out loud, thinking that it might work. It didn't. The water continued to gush, flooding the countertops and soaking the kitchen rug. I put my face in my hands. This was too embarrassing. I wanted to cry.

"Alisa, are you okay?"

Morgan was standing behind me.

"Fine," I said, backing away. "I'm fine. I just need to clean up this massive mess I'm making."

"What are you talking about?" she asked. "Mess you're making?"

"Hunter knows," I said, staggering over to open up what looked like a broom closet to look for a mop.

"Hunter knows what?"

It wasn't a broom closet I had entered; it was a pantry cupboard. Since I couldn't clean the floor with crackers and cans of soup, I shut the door and hung my head.

"About me. About my problem. I was going to get help…"