Jenna Black - The Devil You Know

It was on the tip of my tongue to agree, to take the unbearably heavy burden on my shoulders and shrug it off onto someone else.

But as Lugh had reminded me more than once, there was so much more at stake than just my own life. Lugh might find it inconvenient that he couldn’t control me as he could any other human host, but there were advantages to our partnership. As long as I was his host, no one would ever be able to find him, because no one can tell I’m possessed. That wouldn’t be the case with Andy. I wasn’t only Lugh’s host, I was his refuge as well.

I shook my head at myself. Since Raphael had decided covering his ass was more important than saving his brother’s life, that line of reasoning no longer worked. For all I knew, everyone in the Demon Realm now knew exactly who was hosting Lugh.

I imagined what my life would be like if I gave him up—assuming said life didn’t get cut really, really short when the rebel demons burned me alive on the assumption that I still had him. I could go back to being nothing more than a simple exorcist. I could send predatory demons to the Demon Realm, where they could find their way back to the Mortal Plain at a moment’s notice.

Was that really meant to be the sum total of my contribution to the human race? And how could I possibly find any hint of satisfaction in my futile endeavor, when I’d always know I’d taken the coward’s way out and shoved my big brother into the line of fire in my place?

I let out a deep breath as something settled inside me and I felt almost calm for the first time in forever. “No,” I said softly. “No, I wouldn’t give him to you. He’s my cross to bear now, so to speak.”

Andy nodded sagely and let go of my hand. Luckily for both of us, he refrained from saying “I told you so.”

It was time—past time, really—for me to go home. But something about the expression on Andy’s face made me hesitate.

“What is it?” I asked, though I was pretty sure I didn’t want to know.

He ran a hand through his hair, scrubbing at his scalp and looking remarkably uncomfortable. “I have something I need to tell you, and you’re not going to like it. I was going to wait until a better time, but it occurs to me that the longer I put it off, the more you’re not going to like it.”

I groaned. Nope, definitely not something I wanted to hear. But of course, now that he’d dangled that little delicacy in front of my nose, I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it until I’d gotten the full story.

“Spill it,” I said.

He stood up and moved away from me as if in fear of physical violence. He even made sure there was a solid, bulky chair between us. I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to hear what he had to say over the alarm bells that were blaring in my head. I sat up straighter and waited for him to drop his bombshell.

Finally, he sighed and squared his shoulders like he was going into battle. “I didn’t betray you,” he said, and I frowned at the words.

“I never said you did.”

He met my eyes steadily. “It appears my cover is blown,” he continued. “They lied to me about Der Jäger. I swear to God I thought he was imprisoned.”

My jaw dropped, and I wished like hell I could come up with another way to explain the words that were coming out of Andy’s mouth. “Raphael?” I gasped.

His gaze dropped to the floor and he gave a quick, jerky nod. “I knew you’d think I betrayed you. So I returned to a host I knew you wouldn’t be willing to destroy.”

Tears blurred my vision yet again. I should have been furious, but I was just too beaten down, so I sat there shaking my head and crying, unable to encompass the idea that I’d lost both my father and my brother in the span of just a few hours.

“I swear to you it will be different this time,” Raphael said. “I will take very good care of Andrew. I am capable of it, despite what you think.”

“You tried to breed a race of empty vessels so you wouldn’t have to be inconvenienced by dealing with host personalities. You don’t give a damn about human beings. Never have, never will.”

He seemed to think he was safe from physical violence, for he moved out from behind the chair and took a seat. “I wanted empty vessels so I could walk the Mortal Plain without having to deal with a fragile human psyche in the process. Taking care of one’s host is hard work. Unrelenting hard work, and that’s not why I like being here.”

“Adam seems to think it’s worth the effort!”

Raphael shrugged. “I’m not Adam. As Lugh has kindly pointed out any number of times during my life, I am a selfish bastard.” He didn’t look particularly torn up about the fact, although I couldn’t help seeing the bitterness in his expression. “I wanted to enjoy the pleasures of life on the Mortal Plain without the responsibilities.”

“And so you headed up a project to treat people like prize breeding stock, mucking with their genes and destroying the rejects.”

“If the project had worked, demons would be able to walk the Mortal Plain without taking sentient hosts. People like Andrew would never have to give up their identities for us again.”

I snorted. “You expect me to believe your motives were pure? Not that it would matter if they were. Good intentions can only excuse so much.”

Raphael closed his eyes. “It would be nice if just once you or Lugh could cut me some slack. Maybe I’m not the nicest guy in the world, but I’ve risked—and now lost—everything to keep you safe. And do you know how my dear brother will reward me for my efforts if I ever manage to put him back on the throne? He will no doubt imprison me the moment I set foot in the Demon Realm again.

“But no matter how much the two of you may despise me, I am loyal. I will do as much as you let me to help you both, even when I know it’s not in my own best interests. And I will protect Andrew to the best of my ability—not for his sake, because as you can obviously tell we don’t much like each other, but for Lugh’s.”

“I could exorcize you right now,” I said, though without my Taser handy I somehow doubted I could convince him to hold still for it.

“No, you couldn’t,” he replied calmly. “As I suspect Lugh told you the last time Andrew was my host, as a royal, I’m too powerful for you to cast out. Lugh might be able to do it, but you’d have to let him take control first.”

I was too exhausted and traumatized to muster the kind of reply that would have felt morally satisfying. “Words can’t describe how much I loathe you,” I said instead, my voice flat and dull.

If I didn’t know better, I would have said a hint of hurt flashed across his face before he schooled his expression.

“Go home, Morgan. Get some rest. And try to forgive Lugh for what he did. I’ll be the first one to admit he has his faults, but he always does what he thinks is right, no matter how much it costs him. Or anyone else, for that matter.”

I couldn’t think of a good parting shot, so I just gave him one last scathing look before I got the hell out of there.

I hate demons. Every last one of them.

Then why, you might ask, did I choose to keep hosting Lugh when I thought I had a chance to get rid of him?

Beats the hell out of me.

My mom came out of the woodwork for my father’s funeral. I knew she was going to be there, though I hadn’t spoken to her since the day Dad had kicked me out of the house.

Raphael was there, of course, playing the part of Andrew, but I refused to talk to him or even look at him. We sat together in the family waiting area in the funeral parlor, the silence between us dense and oppressive. It’s saying something about the strain between us that my mother’s arrival actually broke up the tension some.