Vicki Pettersson - The Scent of Shadows

“You mean…leave the city vulnerable?”

He closed his eyes, and they moved like minnows beneath their lids, as if he were already watching the outcome of that decision. “We have no choice.”

“For how long?”

“As long as it takes to train up a new Zodiac force. A year. Maybe more.”

“A year!” I exclaimed, thinking of all the damage Ajax and his ilk could do in that amount of time. Thinking also of young teenage girls being attacked in Quik-Marts and the desert, and left there to die. “That’s too long.”

“Got a better idea?” His eyes snapped open, fired on me.

“Hey, don’t take it out on me! I’m just saying—”

“Well, just don’t!”

“God,” I exclaimed, balling my fists. “Why are you so upset with me? What did I do?”

“I’m not—” He cut off his words as he realized he was yelling, and inhaled deeply. On the exhale he continued. “I’m not upset with you, okay?” he lied. “Greta and I had some things to discuss and they’ve put me on edge. I’m sorry for yelling. I’ve got to go.”

His fear reached out to burn the lining in my nose. “Wait a minute. Things? Like me?”

“Things,” he mimicked sharply, “that are confidential. It’s not your business what I discussed with Greta.”

“It’s my business when you come out of that room treating me like a stranger. Like an enemy.” I folded my arms as he opened his mouth to deny it. “The conversation lingers on you, Warren. It smells like an industrial solution. It’s metallic and cold, and it’s heightening as we speak. Why were you discussing me with Greta?”

“I don’t have to tell you anything,” he whispered. “I’ve done enough for you.”

I drew back, surprised. Who was this man? I angled my head, exploring the air around him with my thoughts; nasal receptors probing like centipede legs.

“Stop it,” he ordered, and an invisible mental wall rose like a tower around him. He pushed past me and began stalking away.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“It’s you!” he yelled, whirling on me with hot and furious eyes. “Don’t you get it? It’s not me, it’s you!”

I stared into those angry eyes, watched as they banked, smoked, then dimmed. Unfeeling now. Apathetic. Dead. He’s shut down on me, I thought with injured wonder. He just closed me out, turned me off.

I felt my eyes grow wide, and my breath stuttered out of me on a whisper. “You bastard. You’re the one who brought me into this, remember? You yelled ‘Eureka!’ and jumped in front of my car! You knocked me out and made me into this,” I said, motioning up and down Olivia’s body.

“You want your life back, Joanna?” he asked, surprising me by using my real name so openly. I looked around but whipped my attention back to him when he took a step toward me. “Or, excuse me, I mean that empty excuse of an existence you called a life? Well, fine. Once we find a way to get you out of here, we’ll cut you loose. Physically. Mentally. Completely. Happy?”

I would have been; a handful of days, or even hours, earlier. But this was abandonment, and even less of a choice than he’d offered me before. So why now?

I tilted my head and took a step toward him. “You’re afraid of me.”

Alarm lashed through my gut like a whip, and Warren’s jaw clenched. He hadn’t wanted me to feel that, and tried to cover the slip with words. “We were wrong. I was wrong. We should have never approached you, never introduced you to the Zodiac at such a late age.”

I ignored his words, paying heed only to the emotions rippling like hot oil beneath the waxy exterior. “You don’t trust me.”

“I don’t trust the Shadow in you!”

My body jerked before I could control it and my heart skipped a beat. A wire of panic began to spread outward from the core of my belly. He’d been the last person in this subterranean hell I’d have expected to utter those words. Even though I suspected Warren of hiding secrets, I thought they’d had to do with Tekla or some troop dynamic I had yet to understand. But not me. Somehow, I’d taken it for granted, from the beginning, that he’d always be on my side. “And what about the Light? What about my mother’s side?”

“Your mother,” he scoffed, bitterness oozing like venom to coat the walls around us. “Zoe’s gone, Joanna. She’s so gone she’s never coming back. Perhaps she lived with the Shadow side so long that she began to enjoy it. Who knows? She could be there now, living a life of ease, because it is so much easier, you know…” I did know. “Shit, for all we know she could be the one feeding the Tulpa information about our star signs—”

“No.” I shook my head hard. “She wouldn’t.”

“And how do you know what she would or wouldn’t do? You never knew her at all.”

My mouth trembled closed. He had me there.

“We’ll forget Zoe ever existed, and soon we’ll do the same with you. Then we can all just go back to living in our separate realities.”

My heart cracked at that, and I knew Warren sensed it. He could feel and smell and hear the echo of it in his blood…if only he wanted to. “So…just like that?”

He looked me over, his face softening momentarily, and he blinked. Then it hardened again, his emotions petrified, and it turned him into something other than a crazed bum and a leader of the underworld. It nullified him. “I have to go.”

“Just like that, Warren?” I repeated, raising my voice after him. “You’re going to turn your back on me like I didn’t lose my entire life, my identity, my sister? Like nobody’s trying to kill me too?” He kept walking and I raised my voice. “Like my eyes didn’t bleed from their own fucking sockets?”

No response, just the silly little slap and slide of his gait. Suddenly, though, it didn’t look so silly. It looked resolute. Defeated. Final.

“What about this special connection we’re supposed to have, huh? What about that?” He rounded the corner without looking back, hearing me but not listening. “Don’t turn your fucking back on me!” I slammed my fist against the wall. “Warren!”

My voice echoed emptily down the hall, then trailed away in a choked whisper. “Don’t…don’t leave…”

Slumping against the wall, I tried to catch my breath. How could he? He knew me, who I was and why. Hadn’t he held me while I lay sobbing on the floor, watching my own funeral play out on the local news like some sick reality show? He knows me, I thought, the real me. He knows…

“That I don’t even know myself.”

Shaking, I pushed away from the wall. I didn’t want to break down here in the hallway where anyone could see me. Where Warren’s mistrust lingered like a virus.

So I lunged for the closest escape, Greta’s door, and it swung open so quickly I was two steps inside before I realized I’d forgotten to knock. Half blind with shock and self-pity, I barely registered Greta’s surprise or the way she jolted before she could control it. Her hands disappeared behind her back and she backed into her dressing table, my reflected face pale and ink-eyed behind her.

I seemed to be having that effect on people these days.

She put a hand to her chest. “Olivia!”

“I’m sorry. I just…I’m not—” I’m not Olivia. I’m not a superhero. I’m not anyone. I’m not going to cry, I thought, even as the first tear fell. “I just needed someone to talk to.”

“Oh, dear. Of course you do.” She rushed to my side, though I saw her hesitate before wrapping her arms around me, and that made me cry even harder. She urged me toward her flowered settee. “Come, sit.”

“I’m sorry,” I repeated, accepting the tissue she pressed into my palm. I made a tentative dab at my eyes, then gave up and let my face crumble upon itself. “I didn’t know who else to come to and I needed to talk and I saw Warren and he won’t…he just…and he…”