Darren Shan: Procession of the dead

"I came to this office thinking it was the end. And it is. Perhaps for both of us, but definitely for one." I steepled my fingers, lowered my head behind them and shot him a sly smile straight from his own repertoire. "The edge of the roof is that way, Mr. Dorak."

He began to laugh. Stopped. Looked at my fingers, then at his own, which were spread limply on his knees. The baton of power had passed and his reign was over. Decades of hard work and planning undone in a matter of seconds. "You can't be serious," he croaked.

"It's the price," I said. "I flourish or die. You can either accept that and jump or unmake me and start anew with another Inti Maimi or Capac Raimi. Choose."

"What about Ama?" he whined. "Conchita. Leonora. They'll die too. Come, Mr. Raimi-Capac. You need me. You need all of us. If I jump, taking my creations with me, all you'll be left with is Ford Tasso and the other ordinary people. I can make soldiers for you, politicians, men who can work to advance your cause while I'm alive. I can be of use even if you don't want me around. I'm the goose that lays the golden eggs. Why sacrifice me so cheaply? You'd kill Ama and Conchita just for peace of mind? Please reconsider, I beg you."

I closed my eyes and pictured Ama, Conchita and Leonora. The three women in my life-lover, sister, mother. I thought of all the times Leonora had helped me, her priceless words of advice, her tips on how to handle The Cardinal, her kindness and generosity. But ultimately she was The Cardinal's woman, not mine.

Dear Conchita. I'd brought her out of her madness. She was starting a new life and deserved time to live a bit, laugh a little. It wouldn't be fair to take that away, to whip the rug out from under her just as she was learning to walk. But Conchita was finished. As soon as sheleft the city, an invisible timer would start its grim countdown. One week and the world would do her in, regardless of the decision I made tonight.

And Ama, the love of my life. Without her I'd never have come so far so quickly. I'd acted faster than The Cardinal planned, just as I was moving too swiftly for him now, and it was largely because of her. She was all I wanted in a woman, the one person who could truly mean anything to me. Demanding The Cardinal's death-and thus Ama's-was stupid, destructive and cruel. Only a monster would do it.

"Come here, Mr. Tasso," The Cardinal called loudly, out of the blue.

I glanced up, confused. From the other side of the steel structure, Ford Tasso emerged with a bound and gagged Ama Situwa in tow. I leaped to my feet but sat again at a gesture from The Cardinal. He was smiling now. "Remove the gag, Mr. Tasso."

Ford freed the strip of cloth from her mouth and Ama immediately roared at me. "Capac! What the fuck are you doing here? Why did you come back?"

"How did she get here?" I asked quietly.

"Of her own free will, I assure you," The Cardinal said. "Miss Situwa has always been a strong-minded lady. She came after your phone call this morning. I'm not sure why. What were you after, Miss Situwa?"

"Fuck you," she snarled.

The Cardinal chuckled. "I told Mr. Tasso to fetch her when we went to see our friends downstairs. She was to be my gift to you, a sign of my goodwill. Untie her, Mr. Tasso." While Ford loosened the knots, The Cardinal said, "She is yours if you wish, Mr. Raimi. Let me live my life. Learn by my side. Walk before you run. And you can have her. You don't need to face this on your own."

"How much does she know?" I asked softly.

"Nothing. They could not hear us talking from where they were."

"Capac?" Ama started toward us, then paused when she saw my eyes. "What's wrong? You look… What happened? What has he done to you?"

I stared at her frightened face and considered her loving innocence. I studied The Cardinal and thought of the warped way he'd treated me. Finally I looked inside myself and found something even fouler than Ferdinand Dorak.

"Ama," I whispered painfully. "I'm sorry. If I… You could remake her!" I shouted suddenly, springing on the idea. "Erase her, then bring her back, only this time make her like me-eternal."

"Capac? What's going on?" Ama was bewildered.

The Cardinal shook his head. "It would be too dangerous. One man might make it through eternity, alone, focused, outliving and thus defeating his enemies. But if I gave you an eternal partner and she turned against you? No. I will not risk my empire that way. Besides, it couldn't be done. I could create another, but not the same, not Ama." He stood and clasped my shoulders as the blind priests had. "You're torturing yourself needlessly. There's no reason for me to die now, for Ama or Conchita to suffer. Time is on your side, Mr. Raimi. Don't waste it."

I hung my head, looked within and saw what I had to do. My cheeks were wet. Raising my fingers, I discovered I was crying. Ama was still hovering, not sure what she'd wandered into, knowing I was different but not knowing how. She could be mine. We could have many wondrous days and nights together. We could explore and learn more of each other. So much to discover. So many possibilities.

But- no. If I had a future, it was cold. That was the one thing I knew for certain. The man The Cardinal had designed-the man I'd become-had no place for warmth or love, not any longer.

"Why did you come tonight?" I asked Ama.

"You sounded strange on the phone," she said. "I wanted to find out what was going on. I thought The Cardinal might know where you'd gone."

"You wanted to track me down?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I love you, stupid," she said, smiling foolishly.

"Even after I told you what I did?"

Her face hardened stubbornly. "I'm sure you had no choice. I have faith in you, Capac. Whatever you did, I'm certain it had to be done."

I looked away from Ama and locked eyes with The Cardinal. "She'll accept me no matter what I do, won't she?" I asked, and he nodded in reply. "Regardless of how low I sink, she'll stick by my side and love me. She'd kill for me if I asked her or if she felt it was necessary."

"She's your woman," The Cardinal said.

I shook my head slowly. "No. I'm many things but not a slave master. Not yet. I don't want her." The words almost tore me apart but I forced them out. "I love her. I need her. But I don't want her seeing what I've become. I don't want her by my side, watching me change. I don't want her aligning her soul with mine. If I'm to be damned, I'll be damned alone.

"I want you out of here," I told him. "Now."

The Cardinal nodded grimly. "We're so alike, Mr. Raimi. I would have made that decision also, were I in your shoes. You'll suffer for it, more than you know. I've had but a few decades and already I'm tired, worn, on the verge of madness. I'm not sure you'll be able to deal with an eternity of cruelty. I wish you well, though."

He walked to the edge and paused, staring down on his city for the final time. As he hovered on the brink, the door to the roof burst open and a dark figure raced toward us. It was Paucar Wami. "Stop!" he roared, training his gun on The Cardinal. For the first time the killer looked scared, uncertain. In learning of his inhumanity, he had finally realized what it was to be human. He wasn't the master he'd believed, only a puppet, one about to have its strings severed. "One more step and I shoot."

Ford Tasso cursed and drew his own gun.

"Mr. Tasso!" The Cardinal barked. "Put it away." Ford hesitated. "Do as I ask, old friend," The Cardinal said gently, and Ford reluctantly obeyed. "Wami knows?" The Cardinal asked me.

"He planted a bug on me before I came up," I explained.

The Cardinal started to laugh and Wami's eyes narrowed hatefully. "If you try to jump," he growled, "I'll-"

"What?" The Cardinal jeered. "Kill me?" He raised a mocking eyebrow. Wami glared at The Cardinal, then lowered his gun. He was shaking with anger or fear, maybe both. "You are powerless here," The Cardinal said. "I created you to take life, not to save it."