Бри Деспейн - The Dark Divine

The spider perched on my shoulder--only inches from my face. I scooped it up and cupped it in my hand. It would only take a slight flexing of my fist to smash it.

I imagined it squished in my palm: all brown and gooey and warm.

I shuddered and opened my hand a bit. The spider tried to scurry out of my grasp. I cupped it again, blocking its escape.

Killing was wrong. Isn't that one of those basic truths? Thou shall not kill, and all that commandment stuff. But that only pertained to people, right?

I thought of Mr. MacArthur and his spaniel's spring litter. I thought of Daisy, all runty with only three legs. She'd been so tiny, so helpless. Mr. MacArthur had wanted to put her down--for her own good. That had seemed so wrong to me. But maybe he was right. Maybe she would have been better off going out that way. Better than being ripped to pieces by my next-door neighbor. By the Markham Street Monster.

But then she wouldn't have been my Daisy.

The spider twitched inside my hand. Wasn't it okay to kill a pest? To kill something dangerous? A beast? A monster? That was the real difference here, wasn't it? Daniel had a demon inside of him. And the only way to kill the monster was to kill him. It was the only way to save his soul.

But would I be the one who went to hell instead? Would I lose myself?

I shook my head. Katharine's brother wouldn't have asked his sister to do such a thing if that were the case. He wouldn't trade her soul for his.

At least, I wouldn't think.

I walked to the window and pushed it open with one hand. I pulled out the loose screen, climbed through the window, and crouched on the eave of the roof in the bitter night wind.

The spider was restless in my hand, twitching and fluttering its legs against my skin. I felt a sudden sting in the middle of my palm. My fingers flinched inward. I wanted to smash it. But then I hesitated and opened my hand and dropped the spider. I watched it scuttle across the shingles and out of my reach.

A small red lump rose in the middle of my hand. The stinging was only slight compared to what I felt inside. I loved Daniel. I was probably the only person who had ever loved him so much. And that made me the only person who could save him. But what he needed me to do was impossible. I'd lived without him before, and I thought I was prepared to do it again when I told him to leave town.

But how could I let him die? How could I be the one who killed him?

I looked up at the almost-full moon that hung over the walnut tree. Through my blurry eyes, it seemed too bright and strangely colored--a blood-red moon. I wished on it then like I had when I was kid. I wished this responsibility could pass to someone else. I wished for another way. I wished for a world free of darkness.

But I knew those wishes couldn't come true. So I wished for something different.

I wished for time.

Chapter Twenty-four

Always

THURSDAY

As terrible as the truth was, there was something restful about it. Like knowing the answers finally calmed my brain enough for me to sleep peacefully for the first time in weeks. I woke up to a rustling sound. I assumed it was the wind and rolled over on my blanket less bed and saw the book lying open next to me, I wondered why, if the clock said it was only 2:00 a.m., it was so fight out. I got out of bed and pulled my blinds open. The sun glinted off the walnut tree, and I realized it was afternoon.

Something rested inside my windowsill--a white cardboard box, like something you'd put a present in. My name was written across the top. I picked it up and was surprised by its weight. I backed away from the window and pulled off the lid. There was a note on top of a large paper-wrapped bundle. I recognized the handwriting from my childhood.

Gracie, You are right, if I love you, then I should leave. I have already caused so much damage to your family. Staying only puts you all in greater danger. I do love you, so I will go.

But I wanted you to see that I've been trying to make things right. I don't just come here to ruin your life. Will you please given this to your father? If I tried to give it to him in person, he would take it. I wanted to fulfill my of ligation. But it would to wring to stay until I had it all. I've kept only a small amount to buy supplies. I'll send more when! Eart it.

Please tell Jude that I am gone. Tell him I will never return for his sake, and yours.

I'll love you always, Daniel

I dropped the note and un wrapped the bundle. It was stacks of bills--thousands of dollars to replace the money he'd stolen from the parish. This was Daniel's mysterious "obligation."

How long must it have taken him to earn it back?

But more important, how long had this been in my room? Was Daniel gone already?

I ran down the stairs to Dad's study, hoping he would know where Daniel might go. The room was empty. I realized that even though I didn't have school, it was still a weekday. I bounded to the kitchen, where Mom was paying bills at the table.

"Where's Dad?" I practically shouted. "Is he at the parish?"

Mom raised her eyebrows. "He and Don went out to the shelter."

"What? I thought that was tonight."

"Don got called for an extra shift at the market tonight. He didn't want to miss delivering his hams, so Dad took him early."

"When did they leave?"

"Ten minutes ago."

Urrgghh! I wouldn't be able to reach him for at least another twenty minutes. "Would it kill us to buy a couple of cell phones?!" I shouted, and threw up my hands.

"Grace!" Mom dropped her checkbook.

"Seriously. Life would be so much easier." I grabbed the minivan keys off the hook and went to the garage door.

"I need to pick up Charity from school," she called. But I didn't stop.

I drove in the direction of Oak Park. Too bad I didn't have a superhuman sense of smell--I could just follow Daniel's scent. I was halfway to Maryanne Duke's when something told me he wouldn't still be at his apartment. I flipped an illegal U-turn and headed toward Main Street. He said he needed supplies. Maybe he'd be at the market.

I parked the van behind a motorcycle in the lot. Was that the same bike we rode into the city that night? If so, it meant Daniel was planning on taking off to somewhere far away--far enough that he wouldn't just run on his own two feet. Far enough that I wouldn't be able to find him.

I ran into the store, passed several kids from my school picking up their dance flowers at the floral counter, and went straight up to Mr. Day at the cash register.

"Have you seen Daniel?" I asked, interrupting Lynn Bishop, who was purchasing a red rose boutonniere and bottle of hairspray.

Mr. Day looked up from the register. "He just quit, dear. I think he's headed out of town."

I swore--not quite under my breath.

Mr. Day cleared his throat. "He may still be in the back. I asked him to--"

But I was already headed for the door marked employees only. No one was in the back room, but I noticed a door that led out to the parking lot. I bolted outside just in time to see a helmeted driver cruise by on the motorcycle.

"Daniel!" I shrieked, but my voice was nothing against the roar of the engine as the bike sped away. "Don't leave."

The world closed in on me, spinning. I had no more breath in my chest. My knees felt soft. I wished for something to grab on to--to keep me from falling.

But then I was being pulled up instead of sinking to the pavement. Strong arms wrapped around me. Warm breath tangled with my hair.

"Don't leave," I said.

"I'm here, Grace," he said. "I'm here."

A FEW MINUTES LATER

Daniel held me until I could breathe again. The only thing obscuring us from the full view of everyone on Main was a stinking Dumpster, but I didn't care. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him.