Darren Shan - Lord Of The Shadows

"Maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing to… see them again," Harkat said. "Imagine their joy if they learnt that… you were still alive."

"No," I said forcefully. "I've been thinking about that ever since Mr Tall told me we were coming here. Iwant to track them down. It would be wonderful for me but terrible for them. They buried me. They've done their grieving and have hopefully moved on with their lives. It wouldn't be fair to bring back all those old pains and torments."

"I'm not sure I agree with that," Harkat said, "but it's… your decision. So stay here with the Cirque. Lay low. Hide."

"I can't," I sighed. "This is my home town. I've got an itch to walk the streets again, see how much has changed, look for old faces that I used to know. I want to find out what happened to my friends. The wise thing would be to keep my head down but when didI ever do the wise thing?"

"And maybe trouble would find you… even if you did," Harkat said.

"What do you mean?" I frowned.

Harkat glanced around uneasily. "I have a strange feeling about… this place," he croaked.

"What sort of a feeling?" I asked.

"It's hard to explain. Just a feeling that this is… a dangerous place, but also the place where… we're meant to be. Something's going to happen here. Don't you sense it?"

"No but my thoughts are all overthe place right now."

"We've often discussed your decision to… stay with the Cirque," Harkat reminded me, making little of the many arguments we'd had about whether or not I should leave and seek out the Vampire Generals. He believed I was hiding from my duty, that we should seek out the vampires and resume the hunt for the Vampaneze Lord.

"You're not starting that again, are you?" I groaned.

"No," he said. "The opposite. I now think you were right. If we hadn't stuck with the Cirque… we wouldn't be here now. And, as I said, I think we're… meant to be here."

I studied Harkat silently. "What do you think will happen?" I asked quietly.

"The feeling isn't that specific," Harkat said.

"But if you had to guess?" I pressed.

Harkat shrugged awkwardly. "I think we might run into… Steve Leonard, or find a clue which… points towards him."

My insides tightened at the thought of facing Steve again. I hated him for what he'd done to us, especially killing Mr Crepsley. But just before he died, Mr Crepsley warned me not to devote my life to hatred. He said it would twist me like Steve. So although I hungered for the chance to get even, I worried about it too. I didn't know how I'd react when I saw him again, whether I'd be able to control my emotions or give in to blind, hateful rage.

"You're frightened," Harkat noted.

"Yes. But not of Steve. I'm frightened of whatI might do."

"Don't worry," Harkat smiled. "You'll be OK."

"What if…" I hesitated, afraid I'd jinx myself. But that was silly, so I came out with it. "Whatif Steve tries to use my family against me? What if he threatens my parents or Annie?"

Harkat nodded slowly. "I thought of that already. It's the sort of sick stunt I can… imagine him pulling."

"What will I do if he does?" I asked. "He already sucked Debbie into his insane plot to destroy me not to mention R.V. What if"

"Easy," Harkat soothed me. "The first thing is to find out if… they still live here. If they do, we can arrange protection… for them. We'll establish a watch around their house… and guard them."

"The two of us can't protect them by ourselves," I grunted.

"But we're not by ourselves," Harkat said. "We have many friends in… the Cirque. They'll help."

"You think it's fair to involve them?" I asked.

"They may already be involved," Harkat said. "Their destinies are tied to ours, I think. That may be another reason why you felt… you had to stay here." Then he smiled. "Come on I want to get to the party before… Rhamus scoffs all the cakes!"

Laughing, I put my fears behind me for a while and walked back through the campsite with Harkat. But if I'd known just how closely the destinies of my freakish friends were connected with mine, and the anguish I was steering them towards, I'd have about-faced and immediately fled to the other end of the world.

I didn't go exploring that day. I stayed at the Cirque Du Freak and celebrated Shancus's birthday. He loved his new snake, and I thought Urcha was going to float away with joy when he found out Shancus's old snake was to be his. The party went on longer than expected. The table was loaded up with more cakes and buns, and not even the ever-hungry Rhamus Twobellies could finish them off. Afterwards we prepared for that night's show, which went ahead smoothly. I spent most of the show in the wings, studying faces in the audience, looking for old neighbours and friends. But I didn't see anybody I recognized.

The next morning, while most of the Cirque folk were sleeping, I slipped out. Although it was a bright day, I wore a light anorak over my clothes, so I could pull the hood up and mask my face if I had to.

I walked rapidly, thrilled to be back. The streets had changed a lot new shops and offices, many redecorated or redesigned buildings but the names were the same. I ran into memories on every block. The shop where I bought my football boots. Mum's favourite clothes boutique. The cinema where we'd taken Annie to her first film. The newsagent where I shopped for comics.

I wandered through a vast complex which used to be my favourite computer arcade. It was under new ownership and had grown beyond recognition. I tried out some of the games, and smiled as I remembered how excited I'd get when I'd come here on a Saturday and blast away a few hours on the latest shoot-'em-up.

Moving away from the central shopping area, I visited my favourite parks. One was now a housing estate but the other was unchanged. I saw a groundsman tending to a bed of flowers old William Morris, my friend Alan's grandfather. William was the first person from the past I'd seen. He hadn't known me very well, so I was able to walk right past him and study him up-close without fear of being spotted.

I wanted to stop and chat with Alan's grandfather, and ask for news about Alan. I was going to tell him that I was one of Alan's friends, that I'd lost touch with him. But then I remembered that Alan was now an adult, not a teenager like me. So I walked on, silent, unobserved.

I was anxious to check out my old house. But I didn't feel ready I trembled with nerves every time I thought about it. So I wandered through the centre of town, past banks, shops, restaurants. I caught glimpses of half-remembered faces clerks and waiters, a few customers but nobody I'd known personally.

I had a bite to eat in a cafe. The food wasn't especially good, but it had been Dad's favourite place he often brought me here for a snack while Mum and Annie were doing damage in the shops. It was nice to sit in the familiar surroundings and order a chicken and bacon sandwich, like in the old days.

After lunch, I strolled past my original school a really eerie feeling! A new wing had been added, and there were iron railings around the perimeter, but apart from that it looked just the way I remembered. Lunch break was ending. I watched from underneath the shadows of a tree while the students filed back into class. I saw some teachers too. Most were new, but two caught my attention. One was Mrs McDaid. She'd taught languages, mostly to older students. I'd had her for half a term when my regular teacher was on a leave of absence.

I'd been much closer to the other teacher Mr Dalton! I'd had him for English and history. He'd been my favourite teacher. He was chatting with some of his students as he entered class after lunch, and by their smiles I saw he was still as popular as ever.

It would have been great to catch up with Mr Dalton. I was seriously thinking about waiting for school to finish, then going to see him. He'd know what had happened to my parents and Annie. I needn't tell him I was a vampire I could say I had an anti-ageing disease, which kept me looking young. Explaining away my "death" would be tricky, but I could cook up some suitable story.