Gary McMahon - Beyond Here Lies Nothing

The scarecrow began to silently shake, as if it were rapidly shrugging its shoulders. It took a second for Wanda to realise that the damned thing was laughing at her.

there monks down the stairs like in that filum i saw. they singin. hear them now wen I rite this. like prayering on a sunday school. i want my mummy and daddy. daisy like a flower not hear. she gon somewr els an I don now were. want sing to stop. scared. don wan go down the stairs. mite get me. mite kill me. clickey comin now. i hear him comin. clickety-clickety-click. mummy. mummy. daddy. i scared mummy. but mummy sing aswel. i can hear her sings louder than the rest of the sings. my i scared mummy.

mummy i scared of mummy.

of mummy and daddy.

ERIK SAT IN his car outside Abby’s place and watched the sun as it started to rise. Faint, blood-red smears stained the grey wash, transforming it into a thing of savage beauty. He raised his hands and scrubbed at his face, trying to clear his head.

On the back seat, Monty Bright was silent, wrapped up in his blankets like a new-born baby. And wasn’t that an apt description? He’d been born anew into this world, passing through from some other place — a place he’d been searching for his entire life and had finally found. But the place had rejected him; it had sent him back here, where he no longer belonged.

Erik had watched that smug little writer bastard leave Abby’s place while it was still dark. Maybe he should have done something then, but he’d been unable to move, as if his rage had immobilised him. In the past, he would have got out, smacked the guy, and then dragged him into the car and taken him somewhere to teach him a lesson. But now he felt different. He couldn’t act; his limbs were tired, his brain refused to work in the same way. So he’d stayed here and watched the house, waiting for things to become clear.

Like the sky above him, he was caught up in the process of transformation. The only problem was, he couldn’t be certain regarding what he had been or what he was about to become.

No, he would let someone else sort out the bastard who was fucking his Abby. He wouldn’t get his own hands dirty on a secondary character in the tragic story of his life, not this time. There were more important tasks to deal with. He took out his phone and dialled the number of a kid whose particular skill set he’d used before, and who’d been primed to expect a call. This kid ran a tight little crew who knew how to swing baseball bats and exactly what to do with them when they did. It would cost him a couple of hundred quid, but the job would get done properly. There would be no mistakes. The pathway to Abby would be clear.

He made the call, feeling nothing at all: no doubt, no shame, and no sense of wrongdoing. When he hung up the phone he felt lighter, as if he’d shed several layers of skin.

After a short pause, he put away his phone, reached down under the passenger seat, and took out the plastic Tesco carrier bag he’d stashed there. He placed the bag on the seat between his knees and carefully opened the package. He took out the gun. It was a small-calibre handgun, something he’d confiscated from a drug-dealing chav a couple of months ago. Instead of disposing of the weapon, he’d kept it. At the time, he hadn’t known why he’d done so. Now he realised that he’d been hurtling towards this moment for a long time.

This moment; this place: Loculus…

The voice that spoke the word in his head belonged to Monty. Since he’d killed Hacky, the bond between them had strengthened, and they could communicate clearly like this: snatches of dialogue, words and phrases rolling around in his head.

We can go back there, together. Once you’ve tidied up your business.

He nodded, stroked the gun. The metal was cold. The plastic handle felt brittle, as if it might break under pressure. He was only going to scare her, and this would do the trick. For once, he’d wring some true emotion out of the hard-nosed bitch…

Erik got out of the car, stuffed the gun down the belt of his jeans, and walked across the road to Abby’s house. He was smiling. The sun was still rising. There was nobody out on the street but him. The world felt like it belonged only to Erik, and he could do whatever he wanted without risk of being seen.

He still had a key to the house. Abby didn’t know, but he’d taken a copy before returning the original to her when they’d split up. He didn’t use it often, just a few times a year, to sneak in and rummage around in her underwear drawer while she was out, or to lie on her unmade bed and masturbate. It wasn’t something he was proud of, but it helped to ease his pain.

Glancing around to check that he couldn’t be seen, he took out the key and unlocked the door. He stepped inside the house and shut the door behind him, feeling light-headed. His limbs were floppy but his core was solid, as if a thread of steel rope ran through his centre. His blood ran hot and cold. He didn’t know if he was about to laugh or cry, or even scream.

Slowly, he climbed the stairs and stood outside Abby’s bedroom door. The floorboards groaned quietly under his weight. He could hear a faint chanting noise, but was unsure in which room it originated. He pushed open the bedroom door and looked inside. As usual, the bed was unmade; the sheets were in a state that could only be caused by two people fucking. He wanted to close his eyes but he didn’t. Instead he walked into the room, approached the bed, and sat down. He ran his hands over the mattress. It was still warm. He bent over and smelled the sheets. The aroma of sex filled his nostrils: stale perfume, sweat and semen.

He stood and left the room. He followed the landing to what had once been Tessa’s room. The chanting was coming from behind the closed door. There was a sing-song quality to the chanting, like a nursery rhyme.

“ Tessa, Tessa, Tessa… bless her, bless her, bless her… come back to me .”

The voice belonged to Abby. He would have recognised it anywhere.

He reached out and placed the palm of his hand against the door. It was trembling. But, no: his hand was trembling, not the door. He was afraid, but he could not identify the source of that fear.

Erik grabbed the handle, turned it, and opened the door.

Abby was naked and kneeling before a large pile of what he realised must be Tessa’s things — clothes, drawings, toys, photographs: all piled up into a conical mass, like a stunted tower of mourning.

“Abby… what is this? What are you doing?”

Loculus , said a voice in his head. He thought of Monty on the back seat of the car, and wondered if he should have brought him inside.

Abby ignored him. She acted as if he wasn’t there. She was rocking backwards and forwards, as if she’d lost her mind. Her skin was streaked with dirty sweat, there was mud and leaves in her hair. Her face was smeared with dirt, like primitive camouflage paint.

She continued to chant the rhyme:

“ Tessa, Tessa, Tessa… bless her, bless her, bless her… come back to me .”

Erik walked over and grabbed her arm. She was limp, like a sack of flesh without bones. “Abby!” He pulled hard on her arm, turning her around. Her eyes were rolled up into her head: all he could see was the whites. He raised his free hand and slapped her across the face.

She didn’t respond.

He slapped her again, leaving a red mark on her cheek, and then tugged her, dragging her limp body across the carpet towards the door. Still she chanted; she hadn’t even paused for breath. She just kept saying those same words, over and over, a prayer to whatever dark urban gods she thought might be listening.