Peter Clines - Ex-Communication

I smiled, even though it’s wasted in the energy form. Well, I’ve been hanging out , I said with a wave at the electric chair.

He smirked. “Got to go. I’m supposed to check in with Stealth before we head out. We’re trying the chain mail today.”

Excellent , I said. If it works out, tell everyone I’m going to be pushing for a reenactment of Lord of the Rings. With all the stuff Peter Jackson left out .

He chuckled and stepped outside. I could see him through the walls. His aura flared and he sailed into the sky. I’ve always meant to tell him it does that.

And then I remembered the other important thing. Damn it , I mutter.

“What?”

I forgot to have him put the new DVDs in .

Max laughed. “Thanks for not telling him,” he said. “I know it’s a pain, lying to him.”

It’d be easier if you’d stop trying to butt into every conversation .

“Sorry.”

I nodded. So, we’ve got no new movies , I said. Let’s start figuring how we’re going to prove you’re real .

“Sounds good to me.”

Two smart guys like us , I said, how long could it take?

OKAY, SAID ZZZAP, I think I’ve got it this time .

Another burst of static roared from the stereo speakers. St. George and Danielle sighed. Stealth didn’t move a muscle, but impatience radiated off her like heat.

“Barry, come on,” said St. George. “I think this has gone on long enough.”

Hang on , he said. If this was easy everybody’d be doing it . He focused on the stereo again.

The speakers popped and said, “Work this time?”

Got it , said Zzzap.

“Oh my God,” said the stereo. “I was starting to think I’d never hear my own voice again.” There were a few quick snaps and a squelch of static. “Can you all hear me okay? You can understand me?”

St. George looked at Zzzap. “Is this it?”

The brilliant figure nodded.

“So, we’re hearing a ghost on your sound system?”

“Actually, you’re talking to a ghost on his sound system,” said the speakers. “I can hear you, too.”

“If this is intended as a joke,” said Stealth, “I do not find it amusing.”

“Ask me anything,” the stereo said. “I’ll prove it’s me.”

“You being Cairax,” said St. George. He glanced at Zzzap.

“Well, me being Max Hale, but that’s probably how you think of me, yeah.” The speakers popped twice. “George, you and I met down in Venice Beach right around Christmas. There were some rich kids beating up a homeless guy for kicks. I made two of them wet their pants. You were down there doing a random patrol and you thought I was attacking the kids.”

“I’ve told you this story,” St. George said to the glowing figure. “It doesn’t prove anything when you say it’s a ghost telling it.”

I’m just translating , said Zzzap. He’s doing all the talking .

“Sure he is,” said Danielle. She glanced at Stealth. “Y’know, the armor’s way behind in maintenance, and I don’t like trusting it to Cesar and Gibbs. I should probably go.”

“Barry,” began St. George.

“Cerberus, you and I never met,” interrupted the stereo, “but you ended up replacing me on one of the task forces in the fall of 2009. You’d been in L.A. for about a month and—”

“After three years,” Stealth told Zzzap, “there are very few stories regarding the past you can tell which we do not all know. If you wish to convince us you are speaking for a ghost, you will need to tell us something you could not know.”

I’m not talking. I’m just translating what he’s saying into radio waves so you can all hear—WHAT?!? Zzzap looked at St. George, then Stealth, and then over at the corner of the room.

“What’s wrong?” asked St. George.

The wraith looked at his friend again, then his gaze settled on Stealth. You’re Karen , he said. You’re the woman from dinner .

Danielle sighed again and Stealth crossed her arms. “This is nothing you could not have deduced on your own,” said the cloaked woman. Her head shifted to St. George for a moment before she took a few steps toward the rings of the electric chair. “It might be best if you returned to human form for the time being,” she said. “We should discuss certain matters which are better resolved before you resume—”

Max says you were on top last night .

Stealth froze. So did St. George. Danielle’s eyes went wide, and her expression went back and forth from amusement to horror.

Sorry .

Stealth’s pose shifted. Her arms hung straight at her sides. “That statement refers to which of us?”

The speakers popped again. “To you, Stealth,” said the stereo. “I was wandering around, thought I’d check in on you two, and caught you guys … in the middle of things. At St. George’s place. I can give more details if you like.”

“That will not be necessary,” said the cloaked woman. St. George saw her face shift beneath her mask. If it was anyone else he’d guess she was confused. The closest Stealth got to confusion was sudden reassessment.

A few moments of silence passed.

“Wait a minute,” said Danielle. “This is real? Holy shit, Max, this is really you?”

“In the flesh. Just, y’know, without any actual flesh.”

Stealth crossed her arms. “For the moment I am willing to accept the premise you are a separate being from Zzzap. I do not yet believe you are a supernatural entity.”

“How’d you survive?” asked St. George. “I mean, I crushed your skull. Or your zombie’s skull.”

“I didn’t survive.”

“So you jumped bodies like Legion does?”

“No, George, I didn’t survive. I died. That’s where the whole ‘being a ghost’ thing comes into it.”

Stealth crossed her arms. “So you claim you have been a disembodied spirit here at the Mount since your death?”

“Well, not exactly,” said the stereo. “That’s where it gets a little tricky.”

“Go on.”

The speakers crackled for a moment. “You all know I had my Sativus medallion that let me transform into Cairax. He’s a demon from the Abyss and I was hijacking his body every time I put the medallion on. This is the kind of thing that can get you into trouble in the long run, so I had some backups installed.”

“Installed where?” asked Danielle.

“On me. That’s what a lot of my tattoos were. They were wards and guards to make sure Cairax couldn’t get me after I died. Being dead was my safe house, if you like.” The speakers crackled like a potato chip bag. “Demons can’t affect the dead unless said dead person falls into their sphere of influence—if they’re going to hell. Otherwise, they can’t touch you.”

“So your plan was going to heaven?”

“No, that’s way too big a gamble for someone like me who’s done a lot of magic,” the stereo explained. “I was just aiming to make sure my spirit got bound to Earth so I’d have time to work through a few things and rack up a few more karma points.

“What I didn’t count on was the ex-virus. The idea that my body could die and still be walking around on its own. All my preparations sort of jammed up and I got trapped in there for a year or so until George destroyed my physical body.”

“Sorry about that,” said St. George.

“Don’t be. That’s what let everything start working again.”

“I hate to agree with Stealth,” said Danielle, “but I’m still not sure I buy this whole ‘magic’ thing.”