Keene Brian - A Gathering of Crows

“I can handle myself, Levi. Trust me on that.”

“I know you can. I have no doubts about your abilities, and I’m sure you’d be good to have at my side in a tough situation, but that’s not what I’m talking about.”

“Then what are you talking about? What do you mean when you say for your sake as well as mine?”

Levi’s voice softened. “I… I have enough blood on my hands. Enough ghosts following me around. I don’t need to add any more.”

“Me either, Levi. You think I don’t know about guilt? You think I don’t know what it’s like to kill somebody—I mean, what it’s really like? That feeling you get in your stomach. The way it follows you through the day. Or how it feels to lose a friend—to watch them die right in fucking front of you— while you go on living? I reckon I know how that feels better than you think.”

Levi stared at him for a moment. His expression changed, and for a moment, Donny thought the older man was going to cry. But then his features smoothed out again.

“Okay,” Levi said. “I’m still not sure I understand your motivations, especially when you have a fine woman waiting inside who clearly loves you. In truth, though, I appreciate the company. It’s not often somebody walks this road with me. But understand me, Donny. Your fate rests squarely on your shoulders. I can’t protect you beyond the house. I can mask our presence somewhat, so that we can move about unmolested. But we’re not going to be evading them for long. I need to confront them. That’s the only way I’ll get the information I need to stop this.”

“Well, let’s get to it, then. We can go find them or we can stand around here talking all night long. Which is it going to be?”

“You’re not afraid?”

“Of course I’m afraid, Levi. I’m fucking terrified. And so are you. I can see it on your face. But if you think you’ve got a way to stop these… whatever they are, and I can help you do it, then I say we do it already.”

Levi nodded. “Let’s go. I have to find something first.”

Donny followed him across the street, resisting the urge to glance behind them and see if Marsha was watching. A part of him hoped that she wasn’t, but an even bigger part of him would have been disappointed if he turned and didn’t see her. He hesitated, his steps faltering. His legs felt heavy.

“Do you happen to know which—?” Levi paused, noticing Donny’s discomfort. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Having second thoughts?”

“No,” Donny insisted. “I’m fine. What were you doing out here, anyway? Myrtle looked outside right after you left, and said she didn’t see you. We thought you’d gone.”

“I was, but then I remembered that I had to do some shopping first.”

Donny frowned. “Shopping?”

“Yes, in a way. I was trying to figure out which one of these homes belonged to Myrtle. I’m certain that, given her proclivities, she probably has what I need.”

“Proclivities? You mean all that New Age stuff?”

“Yes.”

“So why not just knock on the door and ask her?” Levi shrugged. “At the time, I was worried that if I returned, I’d have to argue with you about not coming with me again. But now that you’re here anyway…”

Donny pointed across the street. “That’s her house, over there.”

“You don’t want to go back to Esther’s either.”

“Is it that obvious?”

“It is to me,” Levi said as they crossed the street.

“And to Marsha, I would assume. And to anyone else who has eyes and has ever been in love.”

Donny’s ears began to burn. His skin felt flushed. “I don’t mean to pry,” Levi continued, “but it’s clear to me that you love her as much as she loves you. What’s the problem?”

“I don’t want to hurt her anymore.”

“You hurt her once? Infidelity?”

“No, nothing like that. I’d never do that to Marsha. It’s just… it’s complicated. I don’t like it here. I never have. This town… it weighs on you. It eats away at people. You know what I mean? It just never felt like home to me.”

“So you ran away?”

“Yeah, I reckon so—if you call joining the army and going to Iraq running away.”

“And did you find what you were looking for overseas? Did war feel like home?”

“No. It felt like hell.”

“So you returned.”

“Not by choice. Believe me, this was the last place I wanted to come back to. But my mom got sick. Cancer.”

“Where is she now?”

Donny sighed. “She passed. I stayed long enough to take care of her estate. Put the house on the market. Made sure the funeral director was paid. I was leaving tonight, in fact. A few minutes earlier and I wouldn’t have been here when all this started. I’d have been on the road and miles away.”

“Where were you going?” Levi asked as they approached Myrtle’s front door.

“I don’t know. I hadn’t thought that far ahead, to be honest. Anywhere, I suppose. Anywhere that felt right, you know? Some place where I could find myself.”

“Well, you’re here now.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? You telling me this is all fate?”

Levi shrugged. “Fate. God’s will. Call it what you want. Some people think the universe is chaotic—that there’s no rhyme or reason to why things happen. I think they’re wrong. There’s a specific order to things. We don’t always like how things turn out, but they turn out that way for a reason. You were going out to find yourself, but maybe your self was here all along.”

“Whatever.”

“I’m still not sure I understand your hesitation to get involved with Marsha, though.”

“The first time I left, Marsha got so depressed that she dropped out of college and tried to kill herself. That’s my fault, you know? I don’t want to let her in, because I’m gonna leave again and I don’t want to put her through that once more.”

“I see. That’s a heavy burden for a young man like yourself.”

“You’re telling me.”

Levi fell silent and cocked his head, as if listening. “You hear something?” Donny whispered after a moment.

“No, I was just making sure the coast was clear, and it is. Let’s go inside.”

“I reckon the door is locked. Brinkley Springs may be a small town, but folks still tend to lock their doors when they leave.”

“That’s okay. I have a key.”

“Myrtle gave you her keys?”

Levi shook his head. Then he grasped the doorknob with his right hand and closed his eyes. As Donny watched, he took a deep breath, held it for ten seconds or so, and then exhaled. Levi opened his eyes as the latch clicked. He turned the knob and the door swung open.

“How the hell did you do that?”

Levi winked. “How do you think? Come on.”

They went inside, Levi first, with Donny following close behind him. Myrtle’s house was a dusty, spider webbed monument to clutter. Every inch of available shelf space or tabletop was piled high with a bewildering array of items—stacks of magazines and paperback books, vials of scented oil, votive candles, potpourri, incense burners, crystals, beads, pewter fantasy figurines, tarot cards, ceramic unicorns and dolphins, assorted knickknacks and more. One bookshelf was stuffed with Myrtle’s self-published books, and next to the shelf were six open cardboard boxes filled with more. A large angel figurine perched precariously atop the television. Donny didn’t like it. Rather than being comforting, the angel seemed somehow sinister, as if it were watching them reproachfully. The air in the house was thick with the competing smells of various incense that made him half-nauseous.

“Crap,” he muttered.

“Yes,” Levi said, eyeing a shard of quartz that was lying on the coffee table. “A lot of it is. Most of it, in fact. But hopefully she has a few things here that are worthwhile.”