Katherine Dunn - Nightmare Carnival

“You like danger.”

Leo’s seen his share of its ill effects. What happens when the wind unexpectedly shifts and immolates a performer. The awful condition, fire lung, which follows accidental inhalation of the fuel being held in their mouths. He’s also seen the longer term consequences of this game: the stained, bleeding gums and then the florid, fungus-shaped cancers of the throat and tongue that fire swallowers are prone to.

“I know the risks. You’ve not told me what you think of me.”

“You’re good. You’ve been practicing but you’re new to this game.”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Only to me.” Leo smiles despite himself. “It’s about presentation. We can teach you that stuff, if you really want to do it. I want you to know that you don’t have to, though. None of us expects it.”

Christos, why did you bring her here? If she were mine there’d be a house with a lawn. Or an apartment in the city with a view, just a short walk from the theater.

Anything she wanted. Just not this .

His existence seems shabby despite all his enterprise. He’s a vulgar showman grubbing in the dirt for coins.

“Are you joking? She’ll be a star.” Rollo’s praise sounds sour.

“I was born for this,” Rebecca insists.

“Then you’re going to need a better costume. And a name.”

“We’d been on the road all our lives. Leo gave us a home. Rebecca messed everything up. Afterward it all fell apart. We all went different ways.”

Henry has sat up all night, watching Rollo’s interviews again and again.

“For people who are unique you’ve proved hard to find.”

“Who have you talked to?”

“People who worked in Paradise but no one else from this photo.” Henry sees the back of his own head as he leans into the camera shot to hand Rollo the photograph. It’s the one of the group dressed for dinner.

Rollo clutches it, dumb. Looking at a past he can’t get back .

“I’ll send you a copy.” Henry retrieves it. “You stayed on in Paradise for a while.”

“Yes.”

“Until you were sacked.”

“Trumped-up excuses. They had no idea what they were doing.”

“You mean Flint’s men?”

“Flint,” Rollo sneers, “inherited wealth. His father was a match tycoon. William Flint had no business sense, didn’t know show people or the public.”

“Paradise limped on for a few years before it closed.”

“It survived on notoriety. The papers loved the story.”

Henry knows all their ridiculous theories. That the brothers faked their deaths to embezzle from investors, despite the bodies in the morgue. That Rebecca Saunders was wife of one and lover to the other and it was a suicide pact.

“I didn’t want to stay anyway,” Rollo frowns. “I left and took my troupe with me.”

Henry doesn’t correct him. He knows from looking at Paradise’s payroll records that only half the troupe followed Rollo.

“You didn’t stay a clown long after that.”

“My heart wasn’t in it anymore.” Rollo has had a long list of careers.

“You seem so happy and proud when you talk about circus work.”

“Happy? I don’t think I was happy ever again after that day.”

“What do you think really happened?”

Rollo’s eyes are so dark that Henry can’t make out the pupils.

“Leo had handled guns since he was a child. As for Rebecca, even Chris didn’t know her methods. I’ve never understood it.” Rollo shakes his head, a man perplexed. “Not at all.”

Night. Revelers and gulls head home. Rebecca and Leo are out on her apartment balcony, looking down at Christos and Rollo as they collect the turnstile takings and lock up for the night. Lights are going out in the booths around Paradise. Those who don’t live on site are leaving.

“Rollo’s not enjoying Christos’s company.” Sam sits at Rebecca’s feet, eyes fixed on her in adoration.

“Do you think?”

“Rollo’s used to being close to you. And being important.”

“Rollo’s well looked after. What’s bothering you?”

“Christos has been over five years of accounts. He thinks someone’s been skimming off the gates’ take.”

“Who?” Leo holds her gaze.

“Christos says he doesn’t know.”

“You do.”

She looks at Rollo and Christos.

“Rollo doesn’t like being watched.”

“I’ll talk to Chris. I wasn’t expecting him to be so thorough. I know about Rollo. As long as he doesn’t get greedy I let it go.”

“Why?”

“Rollo can’t help himself. This stops him from doing something even more stupid.”

“That’s very understanding.”

“When we found Rollo he scavenged and stole like an abandoned mongrel. Part of him will always be unsure where the next punch or plate of food’s coming from. He’s not the thug he pretends to be.”

“No?”

“He just needs people to give him a chance. He needs family to look out for him.”

“He’s lucky to have such a family.” She says family like it’s the grail.

“You’re part of it too.”

“I’ve not been part of anything for a very long time.”

“You’ve had it tough.”

“Haven’t we all?”

Leo chuckles.

“Chris looks like our dad. Tall, handsome. Girls like that.” He regrets the words straight away. He sounds self-pitying. He knows Rebecca doesn’t give a shake of salt for looks. “He’s had a bad time. Motherless. Fatherless. A childhood on the road. But sometimes, when I look at him. ” His thoughts are tangled.

“It’s like he’s untouched by it.” It’s alarming how she unravels him. “He hurts like the rest of us but life’s not destroyed his joy or innocence. That’s why we both love him.”

Leo’s heart twists in his chest. He’s become accustomed to the sounds of their life as man and wife filtering through the thin wall. Rebecca singing, the unsteady rhythm of the shower, and, worst of all, peals of laughter followed by a silence that leaves Leo dead inside.

He can’t allow this.

Then he thinks of her at the center of the tent, illuminating the faces in the crowd.

Pernicious love. It burns us up and leaves charred husks.

And yet she warms him, through and through.

Rollo puts an arm around Christos’s neck as they walk away from the turnstiles. When Christos sees his wife and brother he shouts up to them. Rebecca waves back, her whole arm in motion and her smile wide.

“Do you think she’s happy here, Rollo?”

“Sure. She’s a big hit. Everyone loves her.”

“Even Leo?”

“He’s come around to the idea. She was a surprise, in more ways than one. But what about you, kiddo? How are you settling in?”

“It’s good to be home.”

“Of course,” Rollo ruffles Christos’s hair. “All I meant is that I thought you were looking to do something else with your life. I never figured you’d want to be part of this.”

“I liked studying but I never felt like I belonged out there. It’s so gray, Rollo. I realized how much I love it here. The only problem is that I don’t know enough about the business. I mean, Leo knows it all. Inside out.”

“Leo kept you out of things. It was what Lil wanted.”

“I know,” Christos pulls a face, “but I’ve a lot to learn if I’m going to become more than a bookkeeper.”

“Huh?”

“I’m going to need to make an impression if I’m going to be Leo’s partner.”

“Partner?” There’s a long pause. “Wow, that’s really something, isn’t it? I couldn’t be happier for you.” Rollo’s words are falling out now, one after another, “a real family affair. The Saunders brothers.”

They walk on, silent, until Christos says, “It’s important to me to be more than Leo’s little brother.”