Paul Kater - Bactine

“He was not my real father, she said. And not Warlem’s real father either.” Rayko stared at the glass, as if there was something fascinating going on inside it.

“Excuse me, please. Your tea,” a servant said, who came in with the tea. Soon after, they were alone again.

“When my mother had told me that, there were many things I suddenly understood about him,” Rayko continued. “Most of the time he regarded me as property, or a thing, or something like that. And not just me. All of us.”

Daniel nodded. He recalled the moment where Clelem had literally shoved her into his arms, without twitching a muscle. “Yes, I see that now as well. Maybe you can explain something to me now.”

“What is it you want to know? I want to tell you what I know. You are entitled to know it.”

Daniel picked up his teacup. “When you had disappeared, Warlem came to me and asked me to come and talk to your mother. When I was at your house, he showed me a recording of a person in a black cloak, who came to the house through the garden. It looked like… you. But you were the one kidnapped, so it could not have been you. How does that fit?”

“I wanted to go out of the house. I wanted to try and contact you. There were too many people in the house and I was afraid someone might hear me, so I changed into the cloak and left through the garden. But before I got to the side gate, I discovered people there too, so I had to back into the house again.” Rayko wrapped her arms around herself, as if she was cold suddenly. “They took me away from the house that same evening.”

Daniel saw a few tears in her eyes. “Rayko, are you feeling well?”

She looked at him. At first she wanted to nod bravely, but changed her mind. “No.”

Daniel got up and sat down next to her, on the couch. He put an arm around her and pulled her close.

Rayko did not resist. She leaned into him and started to sob. “It was a big man, Daniel. He put something in my face. Before I lost consciousness I saw Gaguran Slindris come into my room.” She started crying, her body shaking as the memories came back to her. “Then I woke up and I was tied up and in that dark place. Gaguran was there, and the big man, and a few others. I could not see them, but I heard them talk. They said that something would be going down soon, but I don’t know what that was.”

Daniel got the eerie feeling that she had no idea where she had been exactly, nor what had been the plan of her step-father. He gently rocked her. “It’s all over now, Rayko. It is all behind you, like a bad dream. Slindris is gone. And your step-father is gone also. They can’t hurt you anymore.”

The woman reached for his free hand and held it. “I know. But it hurts in such a strange way.” Most of her tears had stopped flowing now. “I always saw him as my father, and then he abused me like that. He wanted to kill me, didn’t he?” Her voice had gone into a whisper.

“I’m afraid so, Rayko. And I’m sorry for that. Really.” Daniel felt pain for her, as she had gone through all that. She was not the kind of person that should have to face things like that, but some bizarre twist of fate had made it happen.

“Sometimes there are things in a life,” he suddenly heard himself say, “that throw everything you know upside down. It is then when you have to find the trust in yourself, and in the harmony that is the world around you. Nothing happens without a reason. Usually we don’t know the reasons, but things happen. We can fight them but we can’t beat them if they are meant to come true, Rayko.”

Daniel felt as if someone was speaking through his voice, and yet… the things he said made sense to himself. For a momentary flash he was back on the hill, in the night, where he had talked with Lundar.

Rayko, her face pressed against Daniel’s shirt, nodded somewhat. “Yes.” Her fingers were entangled in Daniel’s.

“It is good to grieve over what you have lost,” Daniel heard himself say. “A part of your life has been shattered, destroyed, taken away from you. But it is not the meaning of life that you linger there, and cry over the loss forever. At some point you will find the courage and the strength to move on again.”

Rayko lifted her face to Daniel. “You are a preacher, Daniel, and never again tell me that you are not.” Slowly she let go of his fingers and raised her hand, to touch his cheek. “And how do you feel, Daniel Zacharias? Much of your life has been destroyed also. When do you take the time to cry, to feel the pain and the loss?”

Confused about this sudden change in her, Daniel reached up and took her hand. She did not want to take it off his cheek, though, so he held his hand there, over hers. “No,” he said, “don’t.”

“Yes, Daniel. I have to, because I can feel it inside you. You are here for me, after all that happened. And I want to be here for you. After all that happened. Please… let me. Look at me.” Rayko knew what she was doing, and that it was the right thing to do.

As his eyes found hers, he seemed to lock up inside. There was something in her gaze that made it impossible for him to look away. There was a gentleness, a caring, a true desire to help him in her eyes, something he had never seen before.

As she looked into Daniel’s eyes and saw something happening inside him, Rayko slowly moved away from under his arm and kneeled next to him on the couch, now holding both his hands.

Daniel barely noticed her move.

“Daniel… please listen to me…” Rayko spoke in a very calm voice, as low as she could. “I really don’t know what you have been through. And it is not for me to know. But you know. You told me a few things, and they felt painful to me. You had a lot of hardship since you came here. I know you almost died. Twice. Please, Daniel, if you can, tell me about how you feel.”

Rayko felt a slight tremble in his hands. “Very good, Daniel. Just let it flow. Show me who you are, Daniel Zacharias.” She was not now just a young woman, she now was the preacher. The roles had switched.

Daniel closed his eyes. Despite that, he was still looking in Rayko’s deep brown eyes. A few small tears escaped from his eyes and slowly rolled down his cheeks.

“It is all well, Daniel,” Rayko whispered.

“It’s not,” he whispered back. “I should not cry.”

“Yes. You should. There is pain buried inside you too, Daniel. You have to let it out. Go through it one more time. Then leave it behind you. You have nothing to be afraid of, you are here, with me. I will guide you.” Rayko closed her eyes and clenched her teeth as Daniel squeezed her hands hard for a moment. He was so strong.

Daniel did not want to cry. He did not want that weakness. He’d never had it, and he’d always been fine without it. But there was something in the words Rayko said, something in the tone of her voice, that poked at a hidden place deep inside him. It took away a veil and showed him a shimmer of it. Something that was lurking in the depths of his soul, in the place where he was hiding all his fears. All his pains. It was a place he did not want to go to.

“I can’t,” he whispered, barely audible.

“You can,” Rayko said. “You must. Because it is better for you. It will make you feel light inside, Daniel. Please, listen to my voice. Go to the place that you are facing. The place you fear.” She could tell by his face where he was going. Her studies and trainings in the philosophy had taught her how to interpret the signs, and so she knew, even with this man that was not from here and yet seemed to belong. Gently talking to him, supporting him, and guiding him through the trance she had put on him, she helped Daniel to enter the place he did not dare to face.