Emma Holloway - A Study in Ashes

“Do you want to stay alive forever?” Nick asked, working to keep his voice calm. “It’s the sort of thing we all think we want.”

“No,” she said flatly. “The worst thing about Magnus is that I think he might have been a decent man once. Maybe even great. There were traces of who he’d been, relics like the arrowheads in a farmer’s fields, but the rest had been eaten away. And he was utterly alone.”

Nick thought about what he had seen of Magnus’s home in London. He’d been impressed by the huge library, the experimental equipment, and most of all the wealth. But there hadn’t been a single servant. “Why didn’t he have minions or lackeys or even a butler?”

“He had some at the castle, but not many. He had too many secrets, I think. Or maybe one of his pets drained them dry and they died.”

She was shaking, a fine tremor that wouldn’t stop. He pulled her closer, warming her with his body. “I won’t let you do that.”

She lifted her head. “Promise me.”

“I promise.”

But that wasn’t good enough. She pulled herself up to sit facing him, one hand on his chest. “If it looks like I’m going to start killing people just to keep on living, you have to stop me, even if it’s the last thing you want to do.” She caught his gaze and held it, keeping him pinned with the fear in her eyes.

“I can’t imagine you doing that,” he said, and that was true. Still, cold was creeping through him, solidifying like frost in his veins. By the Dark Mother, she’s asking me to kill her . It was more than he had bargained for, but she needed to know he could make that hard choice if she lost her way. Love wasn’t just about flowers and kisses.

She shook her head, leaning forward in her urgency. “Not now. But in ten years or twenty.”

“It won’t come to that. Not with me here. I won’t let you go that far.”

Tears trembled in her eyelashes. “I may need you to remind me who I am right now, this day. I can’t forget that I love my friends and my family, even if I am a little afraid of Grandmamma Holmes. I can’t forget how much I hated choir, but that I loved geology.”

Nick grasped the hand she had pressed against him. It had gone chill with panic. “But we all change and grow with time, Evie. I can’t keep you under glass like a museum piece.”

Tears were standing in her eyes. “You can keep me from losing sight of what counts. Like the fact that I love you more than I can say.”

“Oh, I’ll remind you of that, Evie.” Nick felt an ache squeeze his heart. It was heavy as iron, but strangely light as well, as if he’d come to the end of a grueling journey. Everything he had ever done had led to this moment. He had her trust, not just when it came to her life, but with her very soul.

His put his other hand over hers, clasping it tight. “And if it makes you feel better, I promise you that I will do whatever needs to be done. Trust me on this. I love you, and I will not let you fall.”

She bowed her head, her long hair tumbling forward like silk over his hands. The silver fire glowed softly between them, an echo of their desire for one another, but it seemed wrong to stir those embers now. There were many kinds of healing, and right now was the time for hard truths.

“I have one condition,” Nick said.

Evelina raised her tear-stained face. “What?”

“It’s time you ate something and came out of this tiny dark room. There’s a whole world out there waiting for you.”

“How can I even think of it?” She pulled away sharply. Clearly, he’d made the suggestion too soon.

“What else are you going to do?” Nick asked, using the same practical, steady voice he used with his men when they were under fire. “You’re being forced to face a piece of yourself that you fear. You have to find a way to use it to make you strong.”

A strange look came over Evelina’s face.

“What?” he asked, fearing he’d struck the wrong tone.

“I had this same conversation with Imogen in a dream.” She looked up at him, her expression drawn. “Except it was about Anna, and I gave her very different advice.”

Unsure what she meant, Nick picked his next words very carefully. “I can be your safeguard, but in the end you have to find a way to master this power.”

She looked away. “How?”

“Make it your ally. Make it your weapon.” He squeezed her hands in his.

“My weapon? What kind of advice is that?”

“I’m a pirate. I know something about darkness and choices.”

She gave him a long look, taking in everything he’d said. “And here I am struggling to stay on the path of goodness and light.”

“I know you’re capable of anything.”

“Anything?” she said dryly. “Such as?”

He shrugged. “I was hoping you’d come along and redeem me from my wicked ways. This business of redemption is a two-way street, you know.”

Evelina sank back against the pillows, her gentle curves reminding him why he had marched into a haunted castle to play the hero. “Saving you might take some time.”

And finally, she smiled.

AS SHE STEPPED onto the bridge some hours later, Evelina felt exposed and vulnerable, like an egg that had lost its shell. Nick was right to coax her back into the light and air. The bright, brisk atmosphere of the ship was the opposite of Magnus’s gloomy castle, and the sheer normality of it kept her magic quiet. She played with Bacon until the little dog got lured away by the smells from the mess, and then she busied herself with all the novel equipment on the bridge. But the noise and press of so much active, eager energy was almost too much after the solitude of Siabartha. The greatest comfort was Athena’s presence, feminine and warm. Evelina had never been able to speak to the air deva, but it was something to know she was there, especially since Nick had gone down to the city below with Striker.

Evelina found a spot by the high windows and tried to stay out of the way. Bath spread out over the green earth, looking serene from this vantage point. She had been there a few times with Ploughman’s Circus, and remembered the warm color of the stone and the beauty of the River Avon. She could see the arcs of terraced homes and the roof of the cathedral. It was as small and perfect as a diorama—and it looked about as unreal. If not for the tiny moving specks that were people and carriages, she might have thought it all a toy.

“How long will we be here?” she asked Digby, who was working at the station closest to where she stood. He was one of the few whose name she knew, and the easiest to talk to.

The tall, red-haired crewman shook his head. “I’m not sure, miss. We’ve been loading cargo long enough that they should be almost done. Then it’s picking up a few passengers, and we’re away.”

“Where to?”

“Wherever the cargo needs to go.” Digby gave her a sly smile. “It seems pirates have become the new Royal Mail.”

She didn’t have time to ask for a better explanation, because another crowd of men entered the room, Nick among them. A purely feminine panic brushed her when she saw Michael Edgerton, an old friend of Tobias’s. Some of her chagrin was the sensation of the past and present colliding. The rest was sheer vanity. The last time she’d spoken to the man had been at a ball. Now—ragged and reeling from her struggle with Magnus—she wasn’t exactly at her best.

Edgerton spotted her, his eyes flaring slightly with surprise. He was still tall and thin, although he had filled out some in the last year. As he shifted, she saw someone else she knew—the Schoolmaster, now Prince Edmond, who was deep in conversation with Nick. The last time she’d seen the Schoolmaster, he’d been handcuffing a man on her uncle’s floor.