Regan Wolfrom - Coyote

I nodded. “And you have terrible judgement.”

She started to walk toward the door, but then she stopped.

“I got mine from Zach Walker,” she said. “We all did. Zach and his big brother.”

“The Walkers are drug dealers?”

“Some Walkers were. It’s a booming business, providing you have some initiative and the backing of the Souls.”

“You’re kidding.”

She smiled. “Toronto isn’t the only place with a drug problem. You’re not the first junkie in town.”

Today is Friday, December 21st.

Still snowing.

Even if it wasn’t, I don’t think the Walkers would be up to working at Silver Queen Lake.

Dave Walker’s son is dead, and it’s partly my fault.

And the assholes who did it are a hell of a lot stronger than I’d realized.

So I guess it’s completely my fault.

This week’s meeting was set to be held at the Tremblays’; that was the last thing I wanted to do this morning.

That’s just what I said to Sara when she woke me up.

“You’re kidding me,” she said as she sat up in bed.

“I’m not going,” I said, turning onto my side and away from her. I was acting like a child; I felt like a child.

“I can’t believe I’m sleeping with a five-year-old.”

“I’m just not ready for this.”

She stood up and walked around to my side of the bed. “You’re coming with me, Baptiste.”

“I’m not coming.”

“We’re in crisis here. None of us have any idea what’s going to happen now. Don’t you think you oughta be at the freaking meeting?”

“I’m not coming.”

“Baptiste…”

“I’m not coming.”

“This is ridiculous. If you want to hide out here, go ahead. But I’m not going to cover for you. If people ask me why you can’t be bothered to show up and give some kind of guidance… or you know, leadership… I’m just going to tell them that you’re lying in bed like a sad little puppy.”

“Thanks for nothing, then,” I said, closing my eyes so I wouldn’t have to see the look on her face.

“You’re disgusting.”

I stayed in bed until I knew she’d left.

Sara came back an hour or so later, and I was still in bed, half-awake.

She stomped around the room a little, opening the blinds and making her side of the bed, all the things she does when she’s trying to get me to talk to her without, well, talking to me first.

I didn’t take the bait, so she disappeared again, and by the time I went downstairs she wasn’t there.

No one was.

Lunch had been eaten and there were still dishes in the sink.

I didn’t see anything left for me, but for all I knew it had been one of those single-serve, leftover lunches.

I didn’t check the pile of dishes too closely; I didn’t want to find out that Fiona had made something fresh and no one had come to get me.

Well… I guess Sara had come to get me… and stomped around…

I found Kayla and Matt outside on the dock, dressed in full winter gear and sitting in snow, staring out over the wintry lake, an oversized bottle of spiced rum cupped into the snow between them.

“Looking to freeze to death?” I asked Kayla.

“It’s warm out, silly,” she said. “Are you still feeling sick?”

“Sick?”

“Sara said it was coming out of both ends,” Matt said.

“We didn’t want that much information,” Kayla said.

“I’m fine,” I said. “Where is Sara?”

Kayla shrugged. “Fuck if I know.”

“Thanks for the help.”

I saw a series of footsteps heading over to the barn, so I followed them.

Sara and Fiona were in the barn, Fiona sitting on a small step ladder while Sara brushed the mare.

“Hey Baptiste,” Fiona said as I walked inside.

Sara didn’t turn to look at me.

“What are you guys doing?” I asked.

“Sometimes it’s nice to get outside. You feeling better?”

“I’m fine.”

“You should take a shower,” Sara said, still giving the horse her full attention.

“What?” I said.

“Whenever I’m starting to get better I make sure I wash up. It helps.”

“I don’t need a shower.”

She put down the brush. “I’ll take you back,” she said.

She walked right past me and out the door.

“I think you’re supposed to go with her,” Fiona said with a grin.

“I know.”

I followed Sara back to the cottage, then up the stairs, and into the bathroom.

She closed and locked the door behind me.

She started to undress.

“Aren’t you angry with me?” I asked.

“I want to strangle you. Take off your clothes.”

I hesitated.

“Get naked,” she said.

I did as she told me.

She motioned for me to step into the bathtub, and she followed me in, standing between me and the tap. She turned on the water to the lower faucet and got it to her favoured temperature before she pulled the knob to bring it up to the showerhead.

Like always, the water was too hot. Just like Sara liked it.

Alanna had liked it hot, too.

She handed me a bar of soap. “Do my back,” she said.

I started lathering her shoulders.

“You need to talk to Alain about his brother,” she said. “And you need to make a call to Dave Walker, offer your condolences for his son.”

“You know I’m not ready for either of those.”

“I don’t care. Make yourself ready. We need you to be ready.”

“I’m not good right now, Sara.”

I finished with the soap on her back and she turned to rinse herself off. Sara really is a beautiful woman. Too beautiful to be there with me.

“I need you, Baptiste,” she said. “I can’t hold this family together without you.”

“I’m the problem… I’m the reason things are falling apart. If I hadn’t got it in my head that I could take those guys out… if I hadn’t gone up to Silver Queen with the Porters… if I hadn’t killed Marc Tremblay… if I hadn’t left Ant to be murdered on the road…”

My legs felt weak.

I sat down in the tub.

“This isn’t you,” Sara said. “This isn’t the man I fell in love with. You’re stronger than this, Baptiste. You’re not the type of man to let bad luck and a few accidents stop you in your tracks.”

“You know what the worst part of this is?”

“What?”

“The way you all still delude yourselves into thinking that I’m some kind of leader.”

“I’m not listening to this crap.” She stuck her head under the stream of hot water.

It was probably the most wasteful shower she’s ever taken.

“Katie Walker called Justin this morning,” she said. “There’s a memorial for Zach tomorrow. They expect you to be there.”

“We can’t all just take off for a funeral.”

She pointed at her ears. “Hold on.”

She pulled her head out from the water.

“I couldn’t hear you,” she said, “but I’m sure I can make an educated guess. And the answer is that you’re going. You and me, Baptiste.”

“Just us?”

“Just us. I doubt they’d want to see Justin and Graham, and I’m not sure anyone else had ever met Zach.”

“Kayla knew him,” I said. And regretted. “Like an acquaintance or something.”

“Oh. No surprise there. He did have a pulse and a penis, right?”

“I don’t think she’d want to go.”

“Good. And when we get back, we’ll stop off at the Tremblays’.”