Nathan Jones - Determination

Lewis glanced towards the soldiers still talking with the Mayor. It looked like he still had a bit of time to say a proper goodbye. If he could figure out what to say.

It had only been five days since the disaster in the canyon, and Terry hadn’t been joking about how long it would take Lewis to recover. But opportunity didn’t always fit any ideal timing; about fifteen minutes ago, just after noon, a truck from the military camp had stopped in the valley, a delegation hiking out to visit the town’s new camp.

The residents of Aspen Hill had built their new home a few hundred yards off the road, well out of the way in an effort to avoid disturbances. The soldiers hadn’t intended any disturbance, they’d just come at Faraday’s behest to make sure everyone had made it safely, and that the town’s building efforts were going well.

They also asked if there was anything the town needed, and while they couldn’t guarantee anything they promised to at least see what they could do. Small surprise they were so solicitous, when a lot of what Aspen Hill had “donated” had gone to their camp.

More importantly, though, the soldiers had announced that they were headed south on 31 to rotate troops from Davis’s squads. Lewis had jumped at the opportunity to get down there without having to walk, even if he wasn’t really fit to travel, and a handful of other defenders had decided to join him.

Terry had thrown a fit when he found out. But when Lewis mentioned hiking the dozens of miles in another few days, and probably not fully recovered even then, his friend had grudgingly admitted that the early ride was probably worth the strain.

Still, he’d looked a bit smug when Lewis had needed help even leaving his tent. The defenders who’d be coming along with him had practically needed to carry him, and his gear, over for his goodbyes to his family, since he couldn’t go three steps without staggering like he was falling down drunk. He couldn’t even stay upright for more than a few seconds without falling over, and had to be propped up in another camp chair next to his dad.

Since his head swam even when lying down, sitting up straight his head was a tsunami. Not to mention the dull throb that was always in the background had become the world’s biggest bass drum.

Going south to join Jane and Trev was still worth it. If he was going to be useless in recovery, he’d rather do it near his wife. Besides, since the blockheads had successfully pushed Erikson out of the Wasatch Mountains they’d eased up on their attacks, regrouping and feeling out the US military remnants’ new boundaries and defenses.

He doubted there’d be trouble for another little while, which would give him time to finish his recovery. And he’d be in good company there; Rick and Mason were still recovering, but they’d also moved back to the camp to be with the other Aspen Hill volunteers. Maybe they could organize some card games.

His dad was waiting patiently for him to collect his thoughts. Lewis had already said brief goodbyes to the shelter group, and more extensive ones to the Smiths and his mom and sister. Which just left this one with his dad. Although he didn’t have all the time in the world, since the soldiers would be on a schedule.

So he sucked in a breath and got on with it. “This may sound silly, but growing up I always figured adults got something when they reached a certain age. You were all so confident, so in control. You always seemed to have the answers, and you seemed able to solve problems I could barely even understand.”

“I’m surprised to hear you say that,” his dad said with a chuckle. “You were always the most mature kid I knew. You acted more like an adult than a lot of my friends.”

Lewis shook his head. “I always figured that at a certain age something would change that’d make me different, so I could act the way I saw you act. I’d stop being scared of things, stop doubting myself. Things would suddenly click and everything would stop being so hard. Even after I moved out, built the shelter, and started living my own life, I kept wondering when that would hit for me.”

He looked up to see his dad nodding in sympathy. “Responsibility,” he said quietly. “That’s the main difference between a child and an adult. You don’t lose your fears and doubts, you just realize that ultimately you’re the only one who can or will solve your problems. And if you’ve got people depending on you then you’ve got to offer them that same reassurance. You’ve got to act confident, in control, even when you’re at the breaking point. I figure as a leader you’ve learned that lesson better than most.”

Lewis glanced over at the rest of his family, who were talking quietly a short distance away. “And if that confidence gets people killed?” he asked in a low voice.

His dad took a while to answer. “I figured you’d already worked that out for yourself, after everything that’s happened to you.”

He shrugged. “I’m not sure that’s something you ever work out.”

“Probably not.” His dad reached over and patted his shoulder. “Things go wrong. Can’t do much about it other than learn from your mistakes and keep going.”

Lewis wasn’t sure how helpful that answer was. Then again, there probably wasn’t a helpful answer available. He probably shouldn’t have brought it up. “I always wondered why you never took over for me after you guys got here.”

To his surprise his dad laughed. “You were doing just fine, son. Your leadership saved lives, and it’ll save more lives. Besides, with what you’ve been through the last year I’d say you’re twice as grown up as I was at your age. Heck, even kids like Alvin and Jim are. We’ve suffered hardships, but I’d like to think they’ve made us stronger.”

The hand on his shoulder squeezed briefly, and then his dad leaned back. “We’ll be fine here while you’re gone. You just take care of everyone down there. And look out for Trev; he’s had his own reasons to doubt his leadership after losing Tom and the others, and he was never quite as rational as you.”

“I’ve got to admit, it’ll be good to see him again.” Lewis waved over at the defenders, who’d been standing with the shelter group waiting. They came over and helped him out of the chair, and two draped his arms over their shoulders while another picked up his pack, handling its weight along with his own.

They started over to where Catherine and the soldiers waited, along with a modest group of loved ones and neighbors there to wish them well as they set out. Lewis couldn’t help but notice that from the Mayor’s family only Catherine herself was there. With a pang he saw how haggard she looked, worn down with the burden of her duties to the town as well as her grief and worry. Scott coming home had helped, but things had still been hard for her since Carl’s death.

When he reached her he offered his hand, but Catherine ignored it and pulled him into an awkward hug around the two men propping him up. “Be safe, all of you, and pass that message on to everyone with Davis, too. We’ve lost enough people already.”

He couldn’t really return the hug. “Are you going to be okay?” he asked, hoping he wasn’t overstepping.

The Mayor pulled away, with effort managing to compose herself. “We’ll manage. It’ll be a comfort to know you’re out here keeping the blockheads far away from us, and we’ll stay in contact with radio relays like we have been.” She did her best to smile. “And if we find any more hives out here we’ll send some honey your way as a treat.”

“That’ll be something to look forward to.” Lewis and the others offered a few final goodbyes to the gathered crowd, then followed the soldiers the few hundred yards back to the truck parked off the side of the road. Even with help, that short trip was excruciating.