Nathan Jones - First Winter

His mom took another breath. “Second. Is it possible that the help you’re giving her might not be beneficial to either of you?”

A short silence settled. Trev was keeping quiet mostly because he was afraid anything he said would become another outburst.

His parents seemed to realize it. “And finally,” his mom said. “People jokingly call Deb your deputy because she’s always at your side. Do you think it’s healthy that she’s afraid to be alone, or even around other people besides you, and depends on your presence for her emotional peace of mind? Even when it’s detrimental to you, like when she regularly wakes you up at night to reassure her?”

Trev gave a start of surprise. He hadn’t realized anyone else knew about that. Sure, maybe they’d seen it happen once or twice. But he’d thought nobody knew it was a common occurrence.

“You and mom are practically joined at the hip whenever you can manage it,” he shot off. It was a cheap retort, and lacked any conviction.

“Again, you know it’s not the same,” his mom answered. She leaned forward to put a hand on Trev’s knee. “I know you care about Deb, honey. I care about her too, and so does everyone else. We want her to be able to get past what she’s suffered. But that might mean that she needs to face her problems head on rather than hiding behind you to escape them. I know we don’t have any licensed therapists in town, but there are people she could talk to. You know things will only get worse if you let them continue like they are.”

Trev closed his eyes. “All right, I’ll consider your questions.” He tried to keep the edge out of his voice as he continued. “If you’ll consider that maybe being around someone safe and familiar until she’s had time to recover from what she suffered is exactly what she needs.”

His dad finally spoke up. “We did consider that, son. My motto has always been to avoid butting into other people’s relationships, since it usually doesn’t help and only makes everyone angry at you. But things seem to be getting worse with your situation, and you know I have to have serious concerns if I’m speaking up now. Concerns your mother and many others share.”

Many others. Trev was surprised the busybodies hadn’t all packed into this small room for their little intervention. He stood again, more controlled this time. His parents silently shifted to let him by, and he wasted no time leaving.

All things considered he wasn’t looking forward to seeing Deb at the moment, not with all his parents’ doubts packed into his mind. But when he went around to Gutierrez’s house his friend told him she hadn’t been by yet, and Trent told him the same at the Lincoln cabin. She seemed to have disappeared.

In a way that was a relief. He was certain nothing had happened to her in the middle of town, and tracking her down gave him time to think about what to do about her. About them. It wasn’t an easy decision, but he wasn’t about to ignore his parents if the situation was raising red flags.

And to be honest he’d been sorting though his own concerns about how Deb’s state didn’t seem to be improving, was probably even worsening due to the added strain of Rogers and his threats, and nothing he tried seemed to help. Maybe her dependence on him really was the problem, keeping her from pushing through the pain to sort through her issues and move on.

If so then he had to convince her to take a break for her sake. It hurt to feel like he was turning her away, but knowing that he’d hindered her recovery would be even worse.

He still hadn’t found her when he finally decided. It would be a painful thing to do and he’d miss her, but even so he’d encourage her to take a break from volunteering with the defenders, explore other pursuits in town besides always being one step away from the conflict. Which couldn’t be good for her anyway.

And he’d encourage her to build close friendships with people besides him, start to integrate herself in the community rather than being his shadow. He knew Sam, April, Alice, and the women in Jane’s group had already reached out to her, and were being patient in spite of her rebuffs. And he knew she was comfortable around Grant, Trent, Rick, Scott, and most of the other volunteers she’d fought beside near Highway 31. Hopefully away from him she could build those acquaintanceships into true friendships.

Maybe his parents were right that this would be best for the woman he was coming to care for more and more. He just hoped she saw it that way.

And wasn’t this the perfect time to worry about all this, when at any moment the military could be knocking down the door and coming in guns blazing to steal all their food? Some things couldn’t wait, though.

Lewis was quickly coming to the conclusion that fodder was going to be a major hassle.

Although maybe “hassle” was too mild a word. Cutting, gathering and bundling it by hand, with no machinery or even horse-drawn tools, was a deceptively time consuming and laborious task. And Chauncey and Hailey had made it pretty clear that although goats and sheep didn’t eat anywhere near as much as cows or horses, they could still pack it away.

Ironic wasn’t exactly the proper term, but central Utah was known for producing hay as one of its main crops. It was too bad the blockheads had been in such an arsonous mood when they left, because otherwise there probably would’ve been countless fields and barns around here with dozens of bales just lying there, unsold and unused with no fuel to ship them to buyers. But since hay was useful and convenient for burning they’d probably gone out of their way to torch it wherever they found any.

Actually that was a thought. Even trying their best the blockheads couldn’t have gotten it all, and there were areas they hadn’t reached and possibly people who’d found it valuable enough to justify the labor of moving it to safety. Even now there could be a lot more hay around here than animals to eat it, especially after a year of struggling to survive led to the slaughter of so much livestock.

Lewis had the handcart, and the town had other carts and wagons available. It might be worth asking around the area to see if anyone was willing to trade for hay. They might even be able to get it cheap. He’d have to talk to Chauncey about it.

At the moment he was in the barn, calculating space in the floor and loft areas and deciding how much fodder they could store and how the livestock stalls should be arranged. He was glad they’d built for extra space, anticipating future prosperity, because short term it also made the job of fitting everything in easier.

Assuming they had the fodder to fit in.

That was one important plan they’d have to make as soon as the first snows fell. If they didn’t have enough for all the animals to eat through the winter they’d want to butcher the surplus immediately, so they didn’t eat any more fodder. That would leave more for the rest and allow for more in total to stay alive. They’d probably want to butcher a few animals anyway, those too old to reproduce and any redundant bucks and rams.

That was a small number, which was great news for the herds going forward since it meant almost every animal was potentially productive. Now whether the townspeople could survive through the winter on the food they had, and might need to butcher more to stay alive, was another question entirely.

Although none of the shelter group’s animals would be harvested for meat if he could do anything to avoid it, that was for sure.

“Lewis?”

Startled out of his thoughts, Lewis turned to see Deb standing just inside the wide open barn doors. “Hi,” he said. “Looking for Trev?”

For a moment she seemed almost angry, and maybe a little lost. “No.” She glanced around the empty space. “I, um, I’m trying to find ways to help out. Can I do anything here?”