Tony Littlejohns - The Hoffmann Plague

‘When you leave,’ Bill said, ‘you want to stop off about a mile down the road. There’s a big oak tree on the left with a field behind it and there’s always pheasant out in the open there. I know you see them on the road often, but that’s a good spot for them.’ They thanked him and said they would stop there on the way back. Peter came in through the back door, said hello and asked how they were. He made himself a drink, saying he couldn’t stay as he had to get back to work and said goodbye before going back out.

After they’d eaten Jamie went out to the car with Jane to bring in the things for Bill and Emma, while they cleared the plates and cups away. Emma nudged Bill then smiled and winked at him.

‘What?’ said Bill.

‘Jane and Jamie… You know…’

‘What?’ he repeated, looking baffled.

Emma rolled her eyes and shook her head. ‘They’ve become lovers since they were last here, you idiot! It’s obvious.’

‘Is it? How d’you know?’ Bill looked bemused.

‘Because I’m a woman and women notice these things, whereas men are hopeless at it! It’s obvious; their whole body language is different – the way they look at each other and interact has changed.’

Bill smiled. ‘Well, I’ll take your word for it, love; but good for them.’

Jane came back in carrying a few boxes and asked if Bill could go out to help Jamie. Bill said ‘Yes, of course’ and went out. Jane unpacked the boxes and showed Emma what she’d got for her. Emma was touched and very appreciative; she gave Jane a hug and thanked her.

‘Also,’ Jane said, ‘I got these for Sally; I hope you don’t mind.’ She unpacked the other sanitary products aimed at younger women. ‘I didn’t know if she was old enough yet to need them, but I thought it couldn’t hurt.’

Emma brushed back a tear. ‘Oh, bless you, Jane; that was thoughtful of you. Well, she’s not there yet, but I’m sure it won’t be long.’

Bill and Jamie came back in with the last of the boxes and Bill was appreciative of the things for him and the kids, thanking them both. He showed Emma what they’d been given and she thanked them both again. Jamie had saved the shotgun until last as a surprise for Bill and took him back out to the car. He reached behind the seat, pulled out the shotgun and held it out to Bill.

‘Wow! Nice gun, Jamie. That’ll do you a treat, that will.’

‘No, it’s for you, Bill!’

‘For me?’ he said, surprised.

‘Yes. I knew you only had the one gun, so I thought this would be good for you to have as a second gun… or as a first gun, come to that!’

Bill turned it over in his hands and hefted it, a big grin on his face. He was delighted and thanked Jamie. ‘Nice balance,’ he said, putting it up to his shoulder.

‘It’s got auto-ejectors and you can select which barrel fires first, so you can have a different load in each barrel if you want,’ said Jamie. Bill commented that it might be a bit complicated for him to maintain, but Jamie smiled and said ‘I thought of that, too.’ He reached inside again and handed Bill the service manual for the gun, along with a carrying bag and ten boxes of cartridges in varying shot sizes. Bill grinned, thanking him again, and they went back inside, where he showed it to Emma.

Sally was sitting at the table with a can of soda and a packet of crisps; she thanked them both politely and they said she was very welcome. Max was lying in a warm spot by the range, gnawing on a bone that Emma had given him and then Phil and Sophie came in from working on the farm. They greeted Jane and Jamie then sat down at the table, while Emma made a huge pot of tea for them all and put out a plate of homemade biscuits and some cake. They all sat chatting for an hour or so and then Bill had a thought and asked them what guns they’d brought with them. Jamie said they had a sawn-off and an over/under.

‘Well, I was just thinking;’ Bill said, ‘if you stop off at the field down the road for some pheasant you’ll want a long gun. The sawn-off won’t be any good at distance. Trouble is; with just one gun you might only get one bird before the others scatter. If I come down with you we stand a good chance of getting at least two, maybe three birds for you to take back. It’ll be a good opportunity for me to try out the new gun, too. We could go now before it gets late.’

They thought it was a great idea and thanked him. Bill said they could drop him at the bottom of the drive afterwards to save them coming back up to the house, so they said their goodbyes in the kitchen. Emma hugged them both and thanked them again for the gifts and they promised to come back again soon. Bill swapped the two AAA cartridges in his gun for a smaller shot size and put more into his pockets.

Jamie put the back seats up again and Bill got in, with Max on his blanket beside him as the rear load area was full, then they waved to everyone and drove off down the track. They turned left onto the road and Bill directed them to the spot by the oak tree.

‘Who’s the better shot between you?’ asked Bill.

Jamie admitted that Jane was and he just nodded. They got out, closing the doors quietly, and climbed up the bank. Max was quivering with excitement but completely silent and Jane patted him and whispered Good boy! Bill held up his hand for them to wait while he went forward a couple of yards through the bushes and peered round the tree trunk.

He came back shortly and spoke quietly. ‘There are four birds about seventy yards out, roughly in a line. Jane, you take the left two and I’ll take the right. We want to fire the first shots together so we get them on the ground. The others will take off and scatter; be prepared to shift your aim straight away and we can try for them next. Aim just slightly ahead of the ones in flight. Jamie, you count us down so we shoot together.’ They both nodded.

They crept forward to the edge of the bushes by the tree, just far enough clear of the foliage so they wouldn’t snag. They knelt down, raised the guns to their shoulders and took aim, and then both said ‘Ready ’. Jamie counted them down from three and they both fired together. The first two pheasants went straight down and the other two took to the air in panic. Bill’s two shots – him being an experienced shooter – were under two seconds apart and his second bird went down before it had gone a couple of yards. Jane’s second shot took a couple of seconds longer while she shifted aim and she narrowly missed the bird, but they did see a couple of tail feathers fly off and float down.

‘Go Max!’ said Jamie and Max shot off like a sprinter from the starting blocks. He raced out, picked up the first bird and brought it back then went back for the other two. He dropped the last one at Jamie’s feet then sat there wagging his tail as if to say Can we play some more? They both patted him, saying Good boy Max! Good boy! Jamie gave him a couple of dog-treats from his pocket.

‘Bloody good shooting, Jane!’ said Bill. ‘You were unlucky with your second shot.’ She looked disappointed that she hadn’t got both, but Bill said ‘It’s not easy taking a bird in flight, especially as this is your first time. If it’s any consolation; at this range and with the spread of shot your barrel was probably less than half an inch off target. That’s pretty good for a newbie!’ Jane smiled and thanked him, feeling somewhat consoled.

They picked up the birds and climbed back down the bank to the car. Jamie opened the door and Max jumped in then he put the three pheasants in a bag on the floor. Bill was admiring his shotgun and reloading it.

‘Excellent gun, Jamie! Thanks again, mate; I love it. I’m going to enjoy using this.’ Jamie smiled and said ‘No problem, Bill.’