L Akers - Shoot Like a Girl

“Explain to me… what would I have to do, exactly?”

Gabby sat down beside her and patted her leg. “You run a very shallow warm bath—just lukewarm water. Dump one cup iodized sea salt and two cups of Apple Cider Vinegar in it. Then, you sit in the bath with your knees pulled to your chest and move the water around with your hand. When you get out, be sure to pat your lady bits dry—don’t rub. Clear so far?”

Graysie nodded, her freckles standing at attention under the heat of her blush.

Gabby continued. “Okay, so after the bath, and only after you’re dry, mix 1/2 cup water with 1/2 cup Apple Cider Vinegar in a cup—no salt this time. Dab a cotton ball into the mixture and pat it onto your va-jay-jay” She finished with a silly smile, and a side-to-side shake of her head.

Graysie rolled her eyes—again.

Gabby laughed. “Come on. We’ll ask your dad to if he’s got the apple cider vinegar and sea salt. If he’s got some, we’ll heat up some water for you on the grill, and at least get your first bath lukewarm. Maybe we’ll all have plenty of hot water by tomorrow.”

Grabbing a pitcher of tea and two plastic glasses, she and Graysie walked outside. They found Jake and Grayson taking turns working the hand pump. Hours and hours of pumping and the they are both nearly give out. Both men were drenched with sweat.

Gabby wolf-whistled as she walked toward Jake. “You too look pretty hot with your shirts off.”

“ Ewww , Aunt Gabby…” Graysie mumbled.

Jake smiled at his wife. “We are hot. Come here and give me a hug.” He opened his arms wide.

She backed away, grimacing at his sweaty body. He no doubt wanted to use her to dry off a bit. “Not today, Satan, this shirt’s clean. Clean laundry is going to be a lot harder to come by from now on.”

Grayson stopped pumping and stood straight to stretch his back. He flexed his arm repeatedly, and then rubbed his jaw. “What are you girls up to?”

“Daddy! What happened to your face?” Graysie exclaimed.

Grayson raised his eyebrows. “What’s wrong with it?”

Graysie laughed. “You look like a chipmunk on one side.”

“Must be swollen. I’ve got a monster of a toothache.”

Gabby and Graysie both flinched, and Gabby poured tea into the top glass, handed it to Grayson, and poured the second glass, handing it to Jake. “Here, maybe this will help some. We need a few things. Do you have sea salt and apple cider vinegar in your preps? Please say yes…”

“Yes,” Grayson answered, although it sounded more like ‘yeth’ at this point.

Gabby shrugged and looked at Graysie. “That was easy enough.” Looking back to Grayson, she asked, “Where?”

Grayson guzzled the last of his tea and handed the cup back to his sister-in-law. “Sea salt will be in a plastic tote. Go into the shipping container. When you walk in, to the right of the door is a notebook hanging from a peg. Everything is in alphabetical order in my Prepping Notebook, and each item has a little address. Look under “S” for sea salt and find the tote-number. It’ll start with a ‘T’ to tell you it’s in a plastic tote, and then it’ll have a shelf number, too. Buckets are the same way, but they’d start with a ‘B’ and that specific bucket number, and then the shelf number. Just look for the address listed in the notebook and you’ll find whatever you need. The vinegar is stacked directly on a shelf, so look under “V” and find the shelf-number, starting with an ‘S.’ It’s in gallon jugs. I have plenty of that. What do you need it for?”

Graysie’s face reddened.

Gabby sat the tea and glasses on a nearby stump and pulled Graysie away, calling over her shoulder, “Girl stuff, and be glad you have some. All of us females may eventually need it, and without it, you guys would have a couple of bad days dealing with us.”

Grayson and Jake exchanged confused glances and got back to work.

Gabby and Graysie stepped into the dimly lit shipping container. Grayson had it set up with a few solar-powered lights but it was still dim. It smelled dank. Gabby wrinkled her nose and looked around. “Okay, here’s the notebook,” she said, finding it and flipping through to ‘S’.”

She looked around at the shelving that was in place from the floor to the ceiling. The plastic bins were spaced out leaving hug gaps in between. I wonder why he doesn’t just pull it all together to save space?”

Graysie shrugged. “Weird. He’s usually much neater than this.”

They found the proper tote number and shelf number. Gabby pulled the tote out and stared at the side in confusion. On the side of the plastic tote, in big letters opposite the tote number, it had been marked ‘XMAS’ with a black sharpie.

Gabby wrinkled her brow. “This can’t be right. It looks like Christmas supplies.” Through the nearly clear sides, they could see small plastic and wooden Christmas tree ornaments, layered from the top to the bottom.

She pulled the top off anyway and peeked inside.

“Oh look, it is full of prepping stuff. Here’s the salt.” She handed a container of sea salt to Graysie. “There’s all kinds of stuff in here, and this is strange… the ornaments are glued to the side, but just on the front part.”

Graysie laughed. “That’s Daddy’s way of hiding in plain sight. In case anyone ever come looking for food and supplies, he wants them to think there’s nothing but junk in the totes.”

They stepped back and looked at the sides of all the totes. Other totes showed cheap orange life vests—they didn’t even own a boat—old book covers, and some were marked ‘kitty litter,’ clearing showing Fresh Ste p bags—which were probably just the front of the bag torn off and glued on there.

Graysie grabbed a jug of apple cider vinegar and then flipped through the pages of the notebook. “While we’re here, let’s see if he stocked any tampons.” She found the entry under ‘T’ and then looked for the proper tote.

It wasn’t there. The space where that tote should have been was empty.

Graysie flipped her hair over her shoulders, and settled onto a stool. “Let’s look for ramen noodles. I’m going to be jonesing for those soon anyway.” She’d practically lived on ramen noodles at college, so she should be sick of them… but they were addictive. Probably the salt.

She thumbed through the notebook and found an entry for the noodles under ‘R’ and looked at the proper shelf. It too was missing. She hung the notebook back on the peg. “Let’s go, Aunt Gabby. We’ll look again later. I’m really suffering here.” She wiggled in place, eager to get started on her salt and vinegar soak.

As they passed Grayson and Jake on their way to the house, Gabby called out, “Grayson, we found some of what we were looking for, but we couldn’t find the tampons or ramen noodles.”

Jake was now taking a turn at the pump, while Grayson stood with his hands on his hips watching. “What? We have some. It was missing out of the totes? Did you dig to the bottom?”

“No,” Gabby yelled back over her shoulder. “The entire totes were missing.”

Grayson watched in confusion as they walked away. What did they mean the entire totes were missing? He glanced up to the kitchen window to see his wife standing at the sink, with the window open, looking nervous.

A sick feeling punched him in the gut, and he turned and jogged to the shipping container, spewing obscenities under his breath.

Edith stood at the kitchen counter in her brightly-flowered muumuu dress and pink bunny slippers, buttering a homemade biscuit. A pot of coffee sat percolating on the antique wood stove, and a plate of cold chicken lay freshly deboned in front of her.