Glen Tate - 299 Days - The Collapse

He was just calmly doing what needed to be done. It was simultaneously the end of the world and a relief. He told himself, you tried. You tried hard. People make choices. She is making a choice. Dying is too high a price to pay for a pretty girl. Then he thought about what would probably happen to her in the city as it slipped into even more lawlessness. He knew what it would be. But he couldn’t think about it. It was like she wasn’t his wife anymore; she was just a woman crying in his bedroom.

Grant couldn’t face the kids. They knew something was up. The sound of a mom crying will do that. He needed to talk to Manda. She needed to understand that he wasn’t abandoning them. Good luck with that, he thought.

Grant popped his head into Manda’s bedroom. “Manda, I need to go.” He was talking loud enough for Lisa to hear. She needed to hear this.

“I have asked your mom to come to the cabin,” he said in the artificially calm voice he had been using. “You know all the stuff we have there. She won’t do it. She can’t believe all this is happening. She’s not a bad person, just someone who can’t process all the horrible things that are happening. You guys can always come out and join me. We have plenty of food out there. Take care of your mom and your little brother.”

Manda was quietly crying. She looked up at her dad and said “Can I come with you?”

What? Grant wanted Manda and Cole to come so badly, but wouldn’t that be “kidnapping”? Grant felt awful enough “abandoning” his wife, but kidnapping their kids? That was too much.

“Honey, Mom needs you,” he said as he went over to Manda’s bed and hugged her. “Your brother especially needs you. I would love for you to come with me, but you need to be with them.” He was so tempted to take Manda. And Cole. So tempted. But he couldn’t bring himself to kidnap them. They’d be better off if he did; he just couldn’t do it.

“Grandma and grandpa will be here and they’ll help you,” Grant said. Lisa’s parents lived in Olympia now. “I don’t want to get the whole family in trouble with the government so I’m…”

Leaving? He couldn’t say the word. “So I have to go.” Grant wanted to tell Manda things would get better in a few days and that the Collapse would be over. But he knew she was too smart for that. Saying it would just blow his credibility with her.

By now, Manda was bawling. Grant hugged her, tight, like it was their last hug ever, and whispered in her ear, “Try to get your mom to come out to the cabin. Please try. It’s not your fault if she doesn’t come, but please try. Please.” Grant let go of her and walked out of the room. He felt horrible leaving his daughter this way. “Love you, dear. You’re the best daughter in the world.” He thought that was a better set of last words. He had to go.

He also needed to say goodbye to Cole. Innocent little Cole who just wanted to be tucked in every night by his dad. That would never happen again. That was the hardest part of all of this. No more tucking Cole.

Cole was crying because, despite not being able to understand everything he was hearing, he knew that Mom and Dad were really mad at each other. He understood that Dad was going away. He wondered if he had done something wrong to make his Dad leave.

Grant came into Cole’s room. “Hey, little buddy, I need to go for a while. But I will come back as soon as I can. Or, better yet,” Grant knew Lisa was listening, “you, Sister, and Mom can come see me out at the cabin.” Grant thought he’d take a risk here: “Would you like to come to the cabin, little buddy?”

“Why don’t you stay here?” Cole asked in between sobs.

“I need to go,” Grant said. That is all Grant could think to say. He couldn’t say that the police might be after him or that gangs might be coming back or that society was collapsing. “I need to go” was all he could come up with.

“When are you coming back?” Cole asked, still crying.

“Soon,” Grant said. “As soon as I can. Actually, I bet you and Mommy and Sister come to see me out at the cabin. Bring your video games and movies. You can play with them out there. It will be fun, just like it always is when you come out there. You can throw rocks in the water like we do. Come out and your Dad will be there, OK?”

Cole nodded. Grant hugged his little man. God, that felt good. He would miss his son. Forever.

Grant walked out of Cole’s room, and knew he couldn’t leave without saying something to Lisa. He owed her that.

He went into their room—now, Grant, thought “her” room—and said, “You can come out any time you want. Just call me and I’ll come get you. No matter how dangerous it is. I want us to be together. I just can’t be here. It’s too dangerous. I will never say ‘I told you so.’ Never. Please come out and let us be a family again.”

She just bawled louder.

He never thought this was how they would leave each other. He assumed it would be on one of their deathbeds when they were old and gray. Not this way.

Grant had all of his stuff in the car. All the guns, ammo cans, and his personal things. He had a list, of course, of all the critical things he needed when he had to bug out.

“Bug out.” Yep, that was what he was doing. He had always imagined a “bug out” would be with his family. He would be a hero leading them to a safer place. At least that’s how he imagined it.

But no. Now he was leaving them behind in a dangerous place. He was leaving them. Leaving them. His plan was failing. But what could he do? The reality was that it was dangerous in the city and his wife didn’t see it. That meant his kids needed to stay. He was temped once again to go and just take the kids. He decided to go get them. He got out of the car and checked that his pistol was on his belt. He was going to take them.

No. Don’t. Trust me.

OK. “I’ll trust you with my family,” Grant said out loud to no one.

Grant hit that garage door button and heard the familiar sound of the door going up. He’d never hear that sound again.

He backed out of the garage, like he’d done a million times before, going to work, running errands, taking the kids somewhere fun. No more. That was all over. He started to cry. Why couldn’t she see how much better things would be if she came with him? At the moment she heard the garage door go up, Lisa starting wailing. She fell to the floor and curled up into a ball, screaming.

He was actually leaving. He was really doing it. He was gone. Leaving them here all alone. Why didn’t he just hug her? She would have gone with him to his stupid cabin if he had just hugged her. But now he was gone. Probably going off to get killed or arrested. Who knows what would happen to her and the kids. Why didn’t that asshole just hug her? He would rather get killed than hug her?

It didn’t occur to her that he didn’t know that all he needed to do was hug her. She never told him. And it never occurred to her that maybe she should have hugged him first. She was far too emotionally wrecked to be thinking straight.

Oh, God, Lisa thought. Grant would be dead soon. He was probably part of some right-wing group and was off to fight the government. Her husband had left her for… politics. Of all the stupid things to be left for. Politics. Another woman or ambition would make sense; that’s what it usually was. But politics? The Constitution was a reason to leave a perfectly good wife? Lisa felt wounded. Betrayed. Traded in for something stupid.

The house was silent, except for her wailing. Pretty soon the kids were crying, too. It sounded like hell. The “wailing and gnashing of teeth” is how the Bible described hell. That’s what the Matson house sounded like. The former Matson house.