Susan Pfeffer - Shade of the Moon

“All right, Mrs. Evans,” Ruby said. “Come on, Gaby. We’ll have a good time upstairs while all the grownups stand around worrying.”

“I’ll see you later, darling,” Lisa said to Gabe. “When we grownups have stopped worrying.”

Jon didn’t think Alex ever would. He was almost as pale as Miranda, and he kept shaking.

Dr. Goldman came out a couple of minutes later. “She’ll be fine,” he said. “She was in labor for over twelve hours, and that left her weak. When they told her about the baby, she became hysterical, so they sedated her. It’s wearing off now. Alex, go in and talk to her. Let her know everything is going to be all right.”

Sarah walked over to Jon and hugged him. He didn’t dare think about how soon she would be gone. There had been loss enough that day.

Dr. Goldman let Alex sit with Miranda for ten minutes before telling him they had to go. “I don’t think there’ll be any problems,” he said. “But call me if there are.”

“Thank you for coming,” Lisa said. She embraced Alex. “It’ll be all right,” she said. “Miranda will be back to normal in a day or two.”

They walked to the front door together and watched as Alex helped Sarah and Dr. Goldman into the car.

“Will he be okay?” Jon asked Lisa as they walked to the kitchen.

“If she is, he is,” Lisa said. “She’s the world to him. Ruby, it’s time for supper. Bring Gabe downstairs.”

“Yes, Mrs. Evans!” Ruby shouted.

“I’m not hungry,” Jon said. “I think I’ll sit with Miranda.”

“All right,” Lisa said. “Ruby can always heat you up something later.”

Jon went back in and sat on the bed. Miranda turned her head and faced him. “Jon?” she said.

“Yes, Miranda,” he said. “I’m here.”

“My baby,” she said.

“Miranda, I’m so sorry,” Jon said. “The baby died.”

“No,” Miranda said. “I heard it cry.”

“It lived for a few minutes,” Jon said. “Long enough for them to baptize it. I’m sorry, Miranda. I don’t know if it was a boy or a girl.”

Miranda closed her eyes, and Jon thought she was going back to sleep. “Girl,” she said. “They said girl.”

“Girl,” Jon said. Liana. Named for Alex’s sisters. Now just Baby Girl Morales, if they even bothered to make a record.

“She isn’t dead,” Miranda said, and she grabbed Jon’s hand and held on to it tightly. “Jon, she’s alive. I know it.”

“Miranda, you don’t want her to be alive,” Jon said. “She was deformed. Her death was a blessing.”

“No!” Miranda said. “She’s alive. My baby’s alive!” She began sobbing.

Lisa walked into the room. “Eat some supper, Jon,” she said. “I’ll sit with Miranda.”

“They took my baby!” Miranda cried. “Lisa, they took my baby.”

Lisa stroked Miranda’s cheek. “No, sweetie, they didn’t,” she said. “God took your baby. She’s in heaven now with your parents.”

Miranda screamed. Lisa held on to her while Jon stood frozen.

Ruby walked in and touched him. “Come, Mr. Jon,” she said. “There’s nothing you can do. Let that poor girl cry herself to sleep. In the morning it’ll all be better.”

Lisa, Gabe, and Ruby went to church while Jon stayed home with Miranda. He helped her walk around the house and sat with her in the living room.

“What did they tell you?” she demanded. “About my baby.”

“Lisa called me and then Dr. Goldman spoke to someone at the hospital,” Jon replied. “Your baby was born alive but died a few minutes later. She was deformed. Everyone’s told you that, Miranda.”

“I don’t believe it,” she said. “I don’t.” She paused. “Jon, are you sure Mom’s dead?”

“Yes,” he said shortly. “I saw her body. Alex saw her, too. She’s dead, Miranda, and so’s your baby. You have to learn to accept it.”

“Alex didn’t tell me,” she said. “I guess he didn’t have the chance. Where is she, Jon? What did they do with her body?”

“A lot of people died that week,” Jon said. “The clavers were brought back for funerals. The ones from White Birch are going to be cremated.”

“Going to?” Miranda said. “What is this, July what?”

Jon thought about it. “The nineteenth, I guess,” he said.

“And the people were killed on the Fourth?” she asked. “Two weeks ago and they haven’t cremated them yet? Was Mom killed on the Fourth? When did you see her?”

“I saw her on the Fourth,” Jon replied. “Miranda, somehow she knew she was going to die. She told me how much she loved you, loved all of us. She died a couple of days later.”

“Where did you see her body?” Miranda asked. “Where did they leave her?”

“They left her in front of the school,” Jon said. “But they say they’re clearing out the bodies today. They’ll take her to a body pit and cremate her with everyone else. Now, can we change the subject?”

“Where do you think they took my baby?” Miranda asked. “They wouldn’t bury her with the clavers. Do you think they took her back to White Birch and put her with all those other bodies? Or maybe they just threw her out with the garbage?”

“Miranda, I’m sorry,” Jon said. “But it’s just a body. What difference does it make what they did with it? They won’t let you see her, and even if you could, you can’t bring her back to life. You can’t make her whole.”

“You tell me Mom’s dead, and you say you saw her and Alex saw her,” Miranda said. “So I have to believe you. But you didn’t see my baby and Alex didn’t see my baby, and I heard her cry the way newborns do. The next thing I know, they’re plunging a needle into my arm and I wake up here. What if she isn’t dead, Jon?”

“Maybe you’re right,” Jon said. “Maybe she is alive. But she’s so deformed it’s just a matter of time before she dies, and they didn’t want you hanging around at the hospital, so they lied about it. I’m not saying clavers don’t lie. They do. But if they did lie, it was to protect you.”

Miranda looked away.

“Lisa says the baby was deformed because of the work you did in the greenhouse,” Jon said. “The chemicals you handled. Miranda, if you and Alex leave, you’ll be able to have a healthy baby. This one died. Mom died. People die all the time. You have to accept it and move on.”

“Jon, I killed Julie,” Miranda whispered. “This is my punishment.”

“I know about Julie,” Jon replied. “Carlos told me. That’s why I was so angry with you. But I never thought you’d be punished. Not like this. Do you know what Mom would say if you told her that? She’d kill you!”

Miranda managed a slight smile.

“How are you feeling?” he asked. “Physically, I mean.”

“A little weak,” she said.

“I think we should do some more walking,” he said. “You need to get your strength back before you go to White Birch.”

“I feel so hollow,” she said. “I feel like everything I love has been torn out from me.”

“It hasn’t,” Jon said. “You have Alex and me and Matt. You even have Lisa and Gabe if you want them. Come on. Let’s walk some more, and then I’ll make you something to eat. I’ve become a pretty good cook, you know. Sarah made me.”

Lisa came into the bedroom where Miranda and Jon were sitting. “Miranda, they’re expecting you at the greenhouses on Wednesday,” she said. “You’re going to have to go home tomorrow.”

“Good,” Miranda said. “I miss my job. And if I’m busy, I won’t think so much. But I don’t know how I’m going to get home. How am I supposed to get to the bus terminal if I’m not allowed to walk in Sexton?”