Claire Zorn - The Sky So Heavy

‘We’re going to be safer in the city – that’s the theory, yes?’ she asks me.

‘That’s the theory.’

‘Excellent,’ she says. ‘I look forward to it.’

Another evening approaches and the sky darkens. Flakes of snow drift and quiver in the beam of the headlights. Then, up ahead, the red glint of tail-lights, a row of parked cars. We slow to a stop. Ahead, in front of the cars, is a razor-wire fence stretched across the freeway. There are barricades and ‘road closed’ signs. The fence is about nine feet tall. Lucy opens her door a fraction so the internal light turns on. She pulls out the maps and unfolds it across the steering wheel.

‘Where are we exactly?’ she asks.

‘Um… maps aren’t really my strong point.’

‘Shame. Me neither. Noll?’

Noll leans through the middle. He runs his finger along the thick black line that indicates the highway. He stops at a point struck through with felt pen, a red line that curves across the map, bisecting the outer west of Sydney from the inner.

‘What the hell?’ asks Lucy.

Noll slumps back in his seat. ‘Battery, Lucy,’ he says. She sighs and closes the car door, the light goes out.

As discreetly as I can I reach under the seat for the gun, hoping Noll doesn’t see it in the dark. I tuck it into my jeans. I take the torch and get out, head toward the barricade. There is a sign but I need to get closer to read it. As I near the fence it becomes clear that the cars aren’t neatly stopped in front of the barricade, but have made an effort to drive straight through. The torchlight glints and spider-webs across the cracked windscreens and as I get closer I see the sides of the cars are gouged with small holes. Bullet holes? They can’t be. I stop. I look closer. I’ve never seen bullet holes before, not in real life. Why would they shoot at the cars? I shine the torchlight through the windows of the car closest to me. I see the dark stains across the seats, splatters across the dashboard.

I can’t breathe. The ground seems to tilt and I crouch down low. My hands and face and the back of my neck sting with heat as though slapped and I am aware that my skin is damp with sweat. I try to take big gulps of air. I pull at the fingertips of my gloves and yank my hands free. I plunge my palms into the snow, in the torchlight it glitters silver. It feels cleansing and I want to rub it over my face. I breathe and I work my hands down through the snow until they meet the bitumen. I stay there, head down, eyes closed, palms on the ground.

‘Fin? Where are you? I can’t see you!’ It’s my mum and I’m crouching behind a big rock in the picnic area of the national park. I love to hide from her like this because she goes mental.

‘Fin?’ It’s Lucy. I open my eyes, stand slowly and let her know that I’m okay. I steady myself against the door of one of the cars and avoid looking inside. I move closer to the sign to read it. Residents only past this point. Residents must proceed to checkpoint and have proof of identity and residential address ready. An arrow points to the left, to the very edge of the freeway. I head along the fence toward it, weaving through the cars. I am almost at the edge of the road when a white pool of light catches me and a voice booms. The shock of it is like a shove to the chest.

‘Stay where you are! Put yer hands on yer head!’

I do as I’m told.

Max yells out and I will him to shut up and run.

‘Get down on the ground.’

I lower myself to my knees and when I am behind the cover of the cars I slide the gun across the ice, under a car. I put my cheek against the snow and wait while footsteps approach.

The four of us are lined up against the fence, backs to the wire. It’s weirdly comforting to come across someone who acts as if they know what they are doing and are under instructions from… somewhere. The guy who stands in front of us wears an army uniform and is carrying an assault rifle half his size. He wouldn’t look so threatening if it weren’t for the gun. He’s no bigger than me or Noll. I don’t point this out to him though. Instead, I stand next to the others with my hands on my head, like we’re playing some twisted game of Simon Says. He pats us down. He wants to know our names. We tell him. Max’s chin quivers a bit but he lifts his head high.

‘What are yez doin’ here?’ the army guy demands.

‘Trying to get home,’ Lucy answers evenly. ‘Could you kindly tell us why the road’s blocked?’

He shines the torch in our eyes and we squint and shift, anything we say is going to sound suss. I can’t see him in the glare. It’s like talking to a disembodied voice.

‘We were staying in the mountains with friends,’ says Lucy. ‘We thought our parents would come and get us. They didn’t. We’re going home to find them. Why is this part of the city blocked off?’

‘Part of the emergency response strategy. People have to stay at their place of residence so we can keep account of everyone.’

‘So you can keep count of the people who have starved to death, you mean,’ I say.

He ignores me. ‘Residents only beyond this point.’

‘We’re residents,’ Lucy says.

‘I need to see ID and proof of address.’

‘Dude,’ I say. ‘We’ve been staying with friends in the mountains. We’re not exactly carrying passports.’

‘Driver’s licence?’

‘I don’t have a driver’s licence.’

‘Oh yeah, how’d yer get here?’ I feel like I’m ten and being interrogated by the babysitter.

‘Give us a break,’ says Lucy. ‘We drove. There is no food, there have been no instructions, you know that. Please just let us go home.’

‘Can’t let yez through without proper documentation.’

‘What the hell?’ I say. ‘Mate, where have you been the last three months? We don’t have documentation. What do you want us to do? Order birth certificates?’

‘We’re children and you have to let us get back to our parents,’ Lucy says.

‘Tell us where your parents are and I’ll get ’em to come and collect you. Otherwise, go back to where you came from.’

‘What are you going to do? Phone them?’

The army guy laughs. ‘We have access to enough back-up power to last us a year.’

‘Oh yeah? I think now’s the time to bring it out.’ Lucy steps out of the line-up as if to walk away. The guy grabs her arm and I lurch forward.

‘Don’t you touch her! Don’t you fucking touch her!’

‘Hands on yer head!’ He shoves Lucy back against the fence and in the same instant draws his weapon on us.

‘Fin, Luce, shut up.’ It’s the first time Noll has spoken. Without the light in our eyes we can see the army guy’s face and the slight quiver in his hands as he grips the weapon. Noll speaks to him like they are the only adults in the conversation.

‘Please, we don’t mean to be difficult. If you want proof, we’ll get it. Let us go back where we came from. Please.’

The officer weighs it up, then lowers the rifle. ‘If yez come back here without ID, all your food supplies and your vehicle will be confiscated.’

‘We don’t have any food,’ I reply.

‘Bull. I can tell just from looking at you.’

‘We won’t come back without ID,’ says Noll.

‘Don’t.’

We head back to the car, the spotlight on our backs.

‘Bit of advice,’ the guy calls after us. ‘Keep movin’, the people round here will smell your food. Yez won’t last five minutes.’

In the car we are quiet. I start the engine and we slide back into the night. After a while Noll asks Lucy for the map.

‘We were right,’ he says. ‘They’re trying to keep people contained and controlled. There’s limited resources for limited people.’