Claire Zorn - The Sky So Heavy

Arnold opened a cupboard and took out two orange and mango Poppas. He handed me one and sat down in the other chair. He didn’t speak and I wasn’t exactly bursting with conversation starters, so we just sat there sipping juice through our straws like we were six-year-olds.

‘Are, um, your parents around?’ I asked when I couldn’t handle the silence any longer.

Arnold didn’t answer right away. Then his gaze flicked away. ‘They’re gone. They were over there, when the missiles hit. They were working for a church.’

‘Shit. That’s really intense.’

‘Yes.’

I finished my juice and stood up.

‘I should get back to my brother.’

Arnold got up. I followed him down the hall. He opened the front door.

‘When you’ve run out again, come back,’ he said. He didn’t look at me when he said that, his gaze remained focused out the door, looking into the distance.

I went out. Hesitating on the front step I turned back.

‘Really, thank you.’

‘It’s nothing.’

‘I’m… I’m… you know… sorry you copped it at school.’

His eyes met mine. ‘Are you sorry you treated me like shit or are you sorry that I’m the one who has the food?’

I swallowed. ‘Um…’

‘Don’t worry about it.’ He closed the door.

Mick came back. He was slighter, somehow smaller, like a building with its foundations sinking into the ground.

‘Is she still here?’ he asked, swallowing. His face had lost colour. I could see the wiry roots of his black beard beneath his skin. I led him inside. I didn’t ask him to take his shoes off. He didn’t look like he could manage it.

‘Dadda! Dadda!’

He saw Zadie lying in her bed. He grabbed the doorframe to steady himself. Then he went to her, dropped to his knees, cupped her little head and pressed his nose into her hair. He looked up at me.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said. As if there was anything I could have done to prevent her getting sick.

Tears ran down over the sharp drop of his cheekbones and into his beard.

‘Where’s Mummy?’ Zadie asked.

He closed his eyes and pulled her small body to him. She laughed.

‘Do you want a tea? We’ve got tea. You look cold.’

He shook his head

‘Where’s Mummy? Where’s Zac?’

‘Zac’s at home, sweetie.’

‘Where’s Mummy?’

He looked at me again and I could see the answer.

I stuffed Zadie’s clothes into her bag and gave it to Mick.

‘It’s messed up out there, Fin,’ he said quietly.

‘Where did you go?’

‘The community hall first. But there wasn’t much help there. A lot of folding chairs and some first-aid kits. No doctors, just some SES guys. I asked them if the hospital was still open and they said they didn’t know. There’s no communication. All the batteries in their two-ways are flat. I drove down the mountains to the hospital. The highway was closed, barricaded off. But there were no cops there so I drove through. It took an age with the roads iced over but I got to the hospital. It was madness. No power. The back-up generator had died.’ He paused.

‘Were there doctors there?’

‘Some. They were doing their best to help people. They found beds for them, they helped Zac, they had medication for him. But Ellen… they couldn’t… they couldn’t do anything.’ He looked to the ground. ‘Dehydration,’ he said quietly. ‘She couldn’t keep anything down and there weren’t enough fluids for a drip. Dehydration got her.’

‘I’m so sorry.’

His tears came in a silent stream. He rubbed his palms over his face. ‘Apparently people from the country are more at risk of radiation poisoning. Something about less exposure meaning less tolerance to radiation. What the hell is happening, Fin? I mean.’ He looked around, gestured outside. ‘This is insane. I keep on expecting to wake up, my wife will be next to me, I’ll swear at the alarm, drag myself out of bed and go to work…’

‘I know.’

We both gazed out the window at the soft, grey picture of our backyard, the tops of the trees melting into the sky, the axe leaning against the half-demolished outdoor setting.

‘Do you have any food?’ I asked.

‘No, not really.’

‘We’ve got a little bit, I met a guy up the street. A guy I went to school with, he gave me a bit more… I was hoping the army would have come back.’

‘Fin, I didn’t see any sign of them the whole time I was out.’

‘They said they’d come back,’ said Max.

‘I know, but I’m telling you, I didn’t see any trace of them. A couple of SES blokes, that’s it. They didn’t have any food, either.’

‘Take some of our cans,’ I said.

Mick looked at me with a steady gaze. He munched his lips a little. He wanted to say no, I could see it. But he needed the food.

‘Thanks, mate,’ he said quietly.

I put two cans of beans in Zadie’s bag. Mick picked Zadie up with one arm and took her bag with the other. Zadie gripped her pony by its fuzzy pink neck. We watched them walk up the driveway.

Silence found a new space in our house.

We saw the cop walking down the driveway, didn’t hear the car pull up. It was CSI. I was at the door before he had time to knock.

‘Hi there,’ he said in a voice that was more Play School host than cop. He looked like he could do with a shave and his shirt was crumpled. I noticed he wasn’t wearing a name badge. I opened the screen door a little, meaning to come out and talk to him, but instead he pushed past me, striding into the kitchen. He gave Max a little salute.

‘So, how you guys doing?’

‘Okay, did you confirm it was Dad?’

‘Pardon?’

‘Did you confirm it was Dad? Are you bringing him back?’

‘Oh, no. Ah, no movement on that as yet.’

‘But you said it was probably him. And he was on the highway, I mean, that’s not heaps far away – it’d be easy to check and bring him back here.’

CSI straightened his back a bit as if he was trying to make himself bigger. He reminded me of the footy dickheads at school. ‘Like I got nothing better to do! We are pretty busy, buddy.’ He sniggered.

He walked around with his hands on the bulky holster on his hips. He couldn’t seem to keep still. I noticed he didn’t have a gun.

‘Look buddy – what’s your name again?’

‘Fin.’

‘Yeah, Fin, I’ll tell you what we’re doing: we’re going around to every house and collecting all the food people have got. We’re going to redistribute it equally so that everyone will have enough.’

I frowned. ‘We don’t have much left.’

‘That’s why we’re doing it. You’ll get a lot more.’ He started walking toward the pantry.

I cut in front of him. ‘I don’t think we want to do that. We’ll just hang onto what we’ve got.’ The thought of some system – a plan, someone making decisions somewhere – was comforting. But something had changed in me. Maybe it was the way my whole world had closed down, had become simpler. I was sharper somehow. Instincts were kicking in and I was running with them.

‘No choice, buddy.’ He flashed a piece of paper in front of me. I didn’t have time to read it. Then he took his radio and said, ‘Yeah, this is PP2, just picking up from Bellbird Crescent now. Meet you back up top in ten.’ He clipped his radio back onto his belt and made to move past me. I blocked him again, stepping backward in front of the pantry.

‘No,’ I said.

‘Buddy, I’m taking it. I’ll be back with more this arvo.’ He held my gaze for a second and then tried to push past me.

‘You’re lying.’ As I put the words out there my mouth went dry.