Aimee Carter - Pawn

I blinked rapidly. No matter what happened to me, he would have a chance. He wasn’t stuck in the life I would have had if I’d stayed a III.

“If you’ll excuse me, I need to talk to Celia,” said Knox. “I will return shortly.”

As he passed me on his way out the door, he leaned in toward me. To my horror I thought he was going to kiss me in front of Benjy, but instead he whispered, “Tell him.”

And then Benjy and I were alone. My hands shook, and I had to cross my arms to hide them. I knew I had to say something, but with the way Benjy was hunched over his work, he didn’t seem the least bit interested in me.

He had to know, though. I couldn’t let him go on thinking I was really dead, especially not with the danger he was in by being here. He’d have a better chance of protecting himself if he knew. Daxton and Augusta had stolen my entire life out from under me; I wasn’t going to let them take Benjy’s, too.

Stepping toward the couch, I cleared my throat, but he still didn’t look up. That didn’t make any sense. No matter how moody Benjy felt, he was always friendly.

“So.” My voice sounded hoarse. “How do you like it here so far?”

There were probably a thousand other things I could have said—including spitting out the truth—but I didn’t know how to tell him. I needed him to look at me, even if all he saw was Lila.

“It’s nice, thank you,” he said. When it became obvious he wasn’t going to say anything else, I gathered my courage and sat on the couch near him. I was tempted to reach out and touch him, but I clasped my hands together in my lap.

“Benjy?” I said, dropping Lila’s uppity accent so I sounded like myself. He froze. “Could you please look at me?”

When he did, his eyes were rimmed with red. “I’m sorry, Miss Hart. I don’t mean to be rude. You remind me of someone I used to know.”

I hesitated. The longer I waited to tell him, the more I would risk him being angry with me when I finally confessed. He was obviously upset, and this wasn’t a game. “I remind you of Kitty Doe, don’t I?” I said. “She was your girlfriend, and she disappeared on her seventeenth birthday.”

Benjy looked away. “She didn’t disappear. She was killed.”

I set my hand on his arm. “No, she wasn’t.”

“Yes, she was,” he said, but he didn’t move away from me.

“No,” I repeated softly. “I wasn’t.”

My heart hammered as I waited for him to react. He was still for several seconds, and the silence overwhelmed me, threatening to destroy everything if we both stayed quiet. Maybe he hadn’t heard me right.

“Benjy, please. I know I look like Lila, but it’s me.”

He jerked away as if I’d burned him. “Don’t,” he said sharply. “I don’t know how you know about her, but if this is some sick joke—”

“It’s not.” I faced him, this time keeping my hands to myself. “Listen to me—I don’t know how much time we’ll have before Knox comes back or someone else shows up, so please let me tell you what happened.”

He said nothing, his body rigid and his expression guarded. Taking his silence as permission to continue, I took a breath and told him everything that had happened since the night of my seventeenth birthday. How Daxton had bought me and offered me a VII, how they’d killed Tabs and Masked me to look like Lila, the lessons Celia and Knox had given me, what Elsewhere was and how Daxton had forced me to watch Nina die—everything except the deal I’d made with Celia and what had happened at the club with Knox.

By the time I finished, Benjy was staring at his hands. It took him several moments to speak, and when he did, it was in a shaky voice, as if he was struggling to keep himself under control.

“How do I know you’re telling the truth?” he said. “How do I know this isn’t some prank?”

I bit my lip. The dozen different ways I’d come up with to prove who I was vanished, and all I could think about was that day at the market after I’d been marked with a III.

“On my birthday, you gave me a present,” I said. “It was a purple flower from a vendor selling perfumes. A violet. You said—you said they never gave up, like me.”

I saw a spark of recognition in his eyes, and I pushed on.

“The first time you kissed me, it was the middle of January, and you were trying to teach me how to read for the zillionth time. It was a kid’s book about a spider, and you were trying to show me how the patterns in the letters formed words. You were so excited when I read it back to you that you kissed me.” I smiled faintly at the memory. “It wasn’t until you tried to show me with another book that you realized all I’d done was memorize the first one when you read it to me.”

To my relief, Benjy smiled as well, but it wasn’t his usual boyish grin. Instead, like everything else about him, it was pained. “That wasn’t the first time we kissed,” he said.

“No, but it was the first time you kissed me instead of the other way around.”

He turned away and wiped his eyes with his sleeve. I heard a strange choking sound, and when he finally faced me, I realized he was crying.

“Kitty,” he whispered. “This isn’t possible.”

Everything in me wanted to move closer to him, to pull him into a hug and never let go, but I didn’t. Not yet. “I’m sorry—I tried to get to you, but they’re watching everything I do, and—and I knew you’d see Lila instead of me and—”

“Don’t apologize,” he said, and he brushed his fingers against my cheekbone, an inch from my eye. “I see you now.”

I let out a soft sob. “I’ve missed you.”

Benjy wrapped his arms around me, and I buried my face in his chest. No one had held me like this since I’d become Lila, and everything bad that had happened in the past month faded away. For a few golden moments, everything was all right again.

I don’t know who kissed who first, but even though they weren’t my lips anymore, it was like I’d never disappeared. There was a hunger to his kiss that was new, but everything else about it was distinctly Benjy. That moment of pretend in the club with Knox had been hot, but this—I was home.

Someone cleared their throat, and I jumped guiltily. Expecting Knox, I looked over Benjy’s shoulder, but when I saw who was standing there, I paled.

Celia.

“I see you’ve told him,” she said, her smooth voice sending a chill down my spine. Benjy gripped my hand, and I squeezed back, trying to reassure him.

“Knox said I could. If you have a problem with it, take it up with him.”

“I have no problem with it,” she said, stepping inside and closing the door. “In fact, I’m delighted to meet you, Benjy. I’ve heard quite a lot about you from Kitty.”

Benjy nodded respectfully, but his shoulders tightened. “It’s a pleasure, ma’am. I hope you’ve only heard good things.”

“Of course,” said Celia. “I’m sure there are only good things to tell. I also hear you’re quite trustworthy—is that true?”

“Yes,” I said flatly. “He knows how dangerous it’ll be if anyone finds out he knows.”

“Good. I’m pleased you both understand what’s at stake.” She focused on me. “Kitty, darling, why don’t I give you two another moment, and once you’re finished, you come see me in my suite? I’ve got something I’d like to discuss with you.”

I nodded weakly. A discussion with Celia right now couldn’t be a good thing.

She slipped back through the door, leaving me and Benjy alone again. He laced his fingers in mine. “I don’t trust her.”

“She’s up to something,” I said, and with a sigh, I told him about the deal we’d made. About how I’d agreed to continue Lila’s work.