Kyle West - Darkness

“Don’t say don’t,” I said. “It’s what I wanted to say, even back in the arena.”

She didn’t say anything for a long while. Even if she didn’t return the words, I could rest content, knowing that I’d told her.

“I know you love me,” she said, finally. “I see it every day in your eyes. And I’m sorry.”

“I…thought you felt the same way.”

“Of course I do. It’s just…don’t be sorry. About anything. And don’t feel pressured to…I don’t know. Haven’t you thought that it might be better not to love?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. But isn’t the cat already out of the bag?”

“I already told you I loved you, Alex. But I guess you weren’t listening.”

“When did you say that?”

“The Wanderer,” Anna said. “Don’t you remember? He told me I would lose the one I loved. That the one I loved would…”

She sighed, and never finished. She gripped my back, nestling even closer to me.

“I just wish it were different,” she said. “I feel like every day that gets closer…”

“Just don’t think about it,” I said. “Just…enjoy the moment. What’s simpler than that?”

Anna said nothing. I felt troubled the longer the silence went on. After a while, I looked down at her, seeing that her eyes were closed. Soon, her breathing was even. She had fallen asleep right on top of me, arms wrapped around my torso as if she never wanted to let go.

Since I wasn’t going anywhere, I closed my own eyes and also fell asleep.

Anna woke me sometime later. We had probably dozed for fifteen minutes or so.

“Come on,” she said.

She led me to her cabin aboard Gilgamesh. She led me to her bed, where we lay down together.

“I want you to be near me,” she said.

We crowded onto the tiny bed and covered ourselves in the blanket. Anna cuddled against me.

“This is better,” she said.

I wrapped my arms around her, kissing the top of her head. I’d never felt about any girl the way I felt about Anna.

“When the time comes…” Anna said.

“Don’t talk about it.”

Anna was quiet for a moment.

“When the time comes,” she began again, turning to face me. “I will save you. I will find a way. I promise.”

I knew she meant it, and that was what pained me the most. There was nothing I could say to dissuade her from that. So I said nothing.

She kissed me on the lips.

“We’ll find a way,” she said. “The Wanderer doesn’t know everything, does he?”

“Don’t worry about it,” I said.

Anna’s eyes showed her hurt. “Don’t tell me to not to worry about it, Alex. Because it’s all I can do. I have nightmares about losing you.”

I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t used to anyone feeling that way about me, so it felt…wrong. I didn’t know how to explain it. It made me more afraid than I’d ever been in my life.

“Just accept everything for what it’s worth.”

I looked into Anna’s face, realizing just how very young she was. How young we both were. We were both technically kids, and yet the world had turned us into something different, something in between. Right now, I saw her fear, her vulnerability. All of the things she had been hiding from the others, and I loved her all the more for it.

“Whatever happens, it’ll be alright,” I said.

“No, it won’t,” Anna said. “You won’t leave me alone in the world.”

“And leave the world to die?”

Anna didn’t respond to that. She knew I couldn’t just abandon my mission. But I couldn’t abandon her, either. It was a dilemma I was not prepared to face. I couldn’t see how anyone could face it.

“I will find a way.” She smiled. “Don’t make me repeat it again or I’ll bonk you in the head.”

I kissed her forehead. “Let’s just not think about it. Let’s just…be.”

Anna sighed, pulling me close and settling her head against my chest. I wanted nothing more than to protect her. And yet, the only thing I couldn’t protect her from was myself and what I had to do.

Then, a thought struck me. There was one thing I could do. It was a small chance, but perhaps it was possible.

“What are you thinking?” Anna asked.

I didn’t answer for a moment. Would it work?

“I need to see Askal.”

Anna pulled back, looking up at me. “Askal?”

“I haven’t seen him since Bunker 108. Does he know where we are?”

“Yeah,” Anna said. “I think he followed us here. You were asleep pretty much the whole way, so…”

I nodded. “Where is he, then?”

“He might have returned to the Great Blight by now,” Anna said. “There isn’t much fungus up here to eat.”

I guessed that much was true. What was I planning on doing, anyway? Riding the dragon all the way in the bitter cold to the Great Blight so I could speak to the Wanderer and see if there was another way?

Then again, maybe there was a way to communicate to the Wanderer across distance. Elias, after all, had communicated with Askala. The Wanderer had appeared to me in a vision when I’d been knocked out by the sleeping spores released by the Xenolith. Maybe it had only been an effect of the spores, but maybe I could try to talk to him again. I didn’t know how I’d go about doing that — but I did it in a way that I had not done in a long, long time.

I began to pray.

I have no idea if you’re listening. But I need to talk to you.

I tried to make my thoughts go across the distance, not knowing if it would help or not.

Something’s changed, I continued. I don’t know if I can go through with this. Please. Talk to me. Tell me there is another way.

I listened for a moment, almost expecting an immediate response. I heard nothing. It had reminded me of the many times I had tried to pray as a kid. Bring my mom back. Bring my sister back. The bring-back prayers always seemed to hit an invisible wall, because when God took something, he didn’t mean to give it back.

Anna’s breaths were even. She had fallen asleep. Perhaps it would be best if I did the same.

The dark sky swirled with hellish red clouds. I stood on a ridge. Instantly, I knew where I was.

Ragnarok Crater.

I looked down. My vision, at first blurry, cleared to the point where I could see every detail of the Crater, even in the dim light. The entire ridge stretched around in a haphazard circle, softened only by a thick layer of pink and orange fungus. An iridescent glow covered the land, let off by the fungus, from which sprung spindly trees and twisted limbs, interconnected in a webby labyrinth of alien growth. Strange chortles and shrieks sounded from a xenoforest that reminded me very much of a jungle.

And then, there was the Crater itself, where the vegetation was so thick that I could hardly see into it. In the very center was a molten glow out of which lava churned. Ragnarok had to have cut deeply into the crust of the Earth for the magma to bleed out like blood. That wound would take centuries to heal. The ridge marched all the way around, almost like a wall. There looked to be no discernable way to get down from the outside. The only way was to come in by air — and somehow not be killed by all of the monsters living in the pink trees and vegetation, or to die from the lava spewing from the cracks in the surface. If someone had taken me here and told me it was Hell, I would have believed them.

A veil of white smoke overhung the Crater, slightly obscuring it from view. I looked around, hoping that the Wanderer would be here. But he wasn’t. I knew this to be a vision, though it was as real as life. I could feel the cold, dry air. I could feel my boots on my feet, the tufts of fungus beneath my soles, the clothes on my back. I even felt the familiar weight of my Beretta on my right side and my knife sitting opposite.