David Robbins: New Orleans Run

“We still pass,” Ferret reiterated.

“Trust me. You’ll like it.” Lynx asserted.

“Trust you ?” Ferret almost exploded, rising and taking a step toward the cat-man. “Every time you say that, we wind up in more trouble than we can handle.”

“You’re exaggerating,” Lynx said.

Ferret looked at Gremlin. “Am I?”

“Not exaggerating, no,” Gremlin answered, standing slowly.

“Understatement, yes?”

“Okay! Fine!” Lynx declared, and folded his wiry arms across his chest.

“Be this way! If you don’t want to hear my good news, then I’m not going to tell you.”

“Thank you,” Ferret said, and turned to Gremlin. “What do you say we go grab a bite to eat?”

“Fine by Gremlin.”

“Samson told me we could stop by his cabin for supper,” Ferret mentioned, leading the way to the west.

Lynx leaped in front of them to block their path, “Forget about food for a minute! This is more important.”

“I thought you weren’t going to tell us,” Ferret noted.

“I figure secretly you both want to know.”

“You’re wrong,” Ferret said. He pressed his hands over his ears and deliberately turned his back to the cat-man.

“Go ahead. Act like a dork,” Lynx said. “But I know you can hear me, so listen to this.” He paused for dramatic effect. “Blade has agreed to take us on the next mission. We leave first thing in the morning!”

Gremlin seemed to transform into stone, his mouth hanging wide open.

Ferret’s arms dropped and he whirled, anger contorting his feral features. “What?”

“Isn’t it terrific?” Lynx beamed. “I finally persuaded the big dummy to take us along. And you’ll never guess where we’re going?”

“ I don’t want to go anywhere,” Ferret said.

“You’ll change your mind when you hear the great news,” Lynx assured him.

“I don’t want to hear it.”

“Yes, you do. You only think you don’t.”

“Don’t tell me or I’ll rip your face off.”

“New Orleans.”

Ferret’s slim shoulders drooped and he raised his eyes to the heavens.

“Why me? Why is it always me?”

“Don’t forget me, yes?” Gremlin interjected.

“What’s wrong with you guys?” Lynx said excitedly. “This is fantastic!

We finally get to leave the Home on a run. Aren’t you excited?”

“In a word, no,” Ferret said.

“Why not? Look at how long we’ve been cooped up here, walkin’ the ramparts on guard duty, playin’ nursemaid to the Family, huntin’ game, and generally being bored to tears. Now we’ll see a little action.”

Ferret’s temper became several degrees hotter. “A little action? You moron! A little action could get us all killed.”

“Do I take it you’re upset?”

“I’ll show you upset,” Ferret growled, and wagged his right fist.

Lynx backed up a step and smiled. “You just need time to adjust to the idea. Then you’ll see that I’m right, as usual.”

“Right? You?” Ferret snorted contemptuously.

“Where am I off base then?”

“Between the ears,” Ferret retorted, and then launched into a diatribe, scarcely able to control his simmering indignation. “First of all, you dipstick, it’s impossible to be ‘cooped up’ in a thirty-acre compound.

Second of all, Gremlin and I like pulling guard duty on the walls. We like hunting game for the Family. We have no desire to see any action whatsoever. The more peaceful our lives are, the better we like it.”

“But you’re Warriors,” Lynx said.

“And whose fault is that?” Ferret asked. “ You were the one who wanted to become a Warrior, remember? You were the one who talked Blade and Hickok into sponsoring us for Warrior status. And you’re the one who wants to go on a run outside of the Home, not us.”

“Does this mean you don’t like the idea?”

“It sucks!”

“What, exactly, don’t you like about it?”

Ferret’s lips compressed and he seemed about to leap upon his friend.

Instead, he stormed to the west without another word.

“Pitiful,” Lynx muttered, hastening after him.

“Pitiful, yes?” Gremlin commented, shaking his head as he followed.

The cat-man easily caught up with Ferret and tried to grab his wrist.

“Touch me and you die.”

“Boy, are you a grump or what?”

“I was doing just fine until you showed up,” Ferret said testily.

“Would you stand still and let me talk to you?” Lynx asked.

“No.”

“A minute. All I ask is a minute of your time.”

“Go suck on a live hand grenade.”

Exasperated, Lynx suddenly ran several yards in front of Ferret and halted directly in front of him, forcing Ferret to stop or go around.

Ferret halted.

“Good. Now we can discuss this like intelligent hybrids,” the cat-man declared.

“Get your face out of my life.”

“Calm down. Hear me out, please.”

“I’ll count to three,” Ferret stated.

“Look, is it too much of an imposition for you to listen to what I have to say? Listen. That’s all. And if you still don’t want to go on the run, then I’ll personally go to Blade and tell him to pick another Triad. What do you say?”

“You will?” Ferret asked suspiciously.

“My word of honor.”

“Put it in writing.”

“Give me a break,” Lynx said. “I’m trying to be fair about this. I don’t want the two of you to do something you don’t want to do.”

Ferret glanced at Gremlin, who stood on his right. “What do you think?”

“Where Lynx is concerned, Gremlin never think, no,” the humanoid said.

“Come on, guys! How many years have we been best buddies? Six?

Seven? Do you really think I would do anything that didn’t have your best interests at heart?”

“Yes,” Ferret stated flatly.

“Okay. So maybe once or twice I’ve let my enthusiasm get the better of me, but this time it’s different. This time I’m tryin’ to fulfill our biological imperative.”

“You’re what?” Ferret blurted out in astonishment. “Where did you ever learn big words like those?”

“He’s been reading the dictionary again, yes?” Gremlin speculated.

“Dictionary, hell. I’m not as dumb as most everybody seems to think I am. And I know there are certain facts we have to accept and live by accordingly. Fact number one is that we were created by the lousy Doktor to be members of his Genetic Research Division, to be part of his private assassin corps. We were bred in a test tube to be fighters. The perfect killers. That’s what we are. And all the wishful thinkin’ in the world won’t change our past or make us anything else.”

“He hasn’t been reading a dictionary,” Ferret cracked. “He’s been browsing through the philosophy books in the Family library.”

Lynx frowned. “Will you glue your mouth shut until I’m done? This is serious business. For almost two years now we’ve been Warriors. And as I was tryin’ to explain before, for two years all we’ve done is guard the walls and hunt game. Big friggin’ deal. We weren’t brought into existence to be bored to tears. We were created for action. We’re genetically engineered mutations dammit! We’re different from everyone, and every thing else on the whole planet. The Doktor went to all the trouble of takin’ ordinary human embryos and addin’ animal traits for a reason.”

“Yeah. So we could go out and get our heads shot off protecting his sorry ass,” Ferret snapped.

“Bingo.”

“What?”

“You’ve just hit the nail on the head. Our whole purpose for being is to be gladiators.”

“Gladiators?” Ferret declared, his eyebrows arching. He glanced at Gremlin. “Did he say gladiators?”