Michael Soll - Scorched

“Are you alright?” I asked. I felt as if there were a thousand crags in my stomach trying to get out.

She nodded her head.

“I shouldn’t have let you come with us,” I said.

She rolled her eyes, a gesture she had learned while living in Newbury. “You didn’t let me come with you. I followed you.”

“Still. You could be back in the hive right now instead of being held here.”

“What difference does it make where I’m being held? All I wanted was to go to a place where somebody wasn’t telling me what to do, but everywhere we’ve gone, I have to mimic. I have to do what I’m told. I want to decide what to do. I want to go somewhere where there are no walls. You know what I mean?”

I couldn’t help but smile. “Yes.”

“Are you okay?” she asked, concerned.

“I don’t want to stop and settle. I want to keep moving.”

She lay back on the ground and stared over at me. “You want to go to the surface.”

I leaned forward and kissed her. It was automatic, as if somebody had taken control of my body and pushed me forward. It was as if Joey entered my being and forced me toward the girl.

Our lips connected and a fire ignited inside my chest and spread to the rest of my body. A conflagration roasted my organs and boiled my blood, but I wanted the burn, I needed it. I needed my heart to be toasted and my lungs roasted. Our lips created a solar flare, wiping away any last remnant inside my mind that I could continue my journey without her. Everything I had known, all of my selfish endeavors were scorched. It was at that time that I knew wherever I went, whether the above or the deepest place on Earth, that Kaolin would be by my side. She had become my surface, and I would do anything to protect her.

I awoke to an empty hut. I peeked my head outside — there wasn’t a guard in sight.

Lying beside the opening was a tiny article of clothing. I stripped out of my Newburyian clothes and put on the small cloth-like material that only covered my genitals.

I left the hut and decided to explore Nanashi. I started at the center of the village and dipped my hands into the tiny river when I spotted a small, translucent animal floating beneath the water. I moved my hand toward the creature and it ran away through the water, effortlessly with rounded limbs that cut through the liquid.

I stood up and looked around at the city that was less-developed than I had come accustomed to, but for a moment, I felt free, or at least as free as one could feel surrounded by dirt. There was nobody telling me to follow them, nobody telling me I barely got any crags or clay. Nobody was concerned with what I was doing, and I felt like I could breathe… really breathe.

I continued through the village, past a variety of NaNas of all ages. I’d get a strange look every now and then, but nobody gawked at me like they did in Newbury. And that’s when I came across the cages again, and I saw the people trapped; the only person I recognized was the school teacher from our search party. I looked over at the cage Alex had been put in yesterday, but the cage was empty.

“If we don’t eat, we die.”

I turned and spotted Valasca standing alone, staring at the cages.

“It’s either them or us. The mushrooms and fish alone can’t sustain the tribe. For every hunter, there’s a hunted.”

I examined Valasca. She was smaller than me and much younger, but she spoke like the elders back at the hive. Girls her age in Newbury complained about dresses and homework, but Valasca was different.

“Cotta looks up to you, so I figured it was worth my time getting to know you better. I want to show you a place I think you’ll like.”

“What about Kaolin?”

“Don’t worry. Her and Cotta are being given a tour of the city. Come…”

I followed Valasca through the village to a small opening beneath the ground that was too small for me to fit through. “Wait here.” She quickly ran off and returned several minutes later with her claw contraptions. “You like them? They’re called ‘spikes.’” She tied them on and then punched into the dirt. The claws pierced the Earth like my ax. She pulled out some tiny, glowing fungus from her pockets and handed them to me. “Hold these for light.”

She continued to punch and dig through the path, widening it for me as I crawled behind her until we reached a larger opening. I looked up at the ceiling of the cavern and it was riddled with glowing fungi of varying sizes.

“In Newbury, my father was taught about the night sky and the stars that shone above. When I was born, he climbed the walls and recreated a night sky for me. Every so often, when the mushrooms die, I add some more. Cotta said you were fascinated with the surface, so I thought you’d like this.”

I looked up at the top of the cavern, at the gleaming “mushrooms.” I looked back at the girl who was watching me, examining my every movement.

“What happened to your father?” I asked.

She sat on the ground and eyed the night sky. “He was the greatest warrior Nanash had ever seen. He defended us from every attack, founded this new settlement, and was loved by all. He had survived situations no other man could, and then one day, he got sick and he died. Even my father couldn’t defeat that. I’m his only child, and I’ve taken it upon myself to perpetuate his legacy.” She smiled at me, glaring the daggers in her mouth.

“Why do you sharpen the teeth?”

“When a child becomes a warrior, her front 12 teeth are whittled down. Do you like?” She glared her teeth again. “Can I ask you a question?”

She seemed timid. It was the first time she had lacked any confidence in front of me.

“Does Cotta like me?”

“What do you mean?” I asked, caught off guard by such an intimate question.

“Do you think he likes me? Or could like me?”

“Cotta?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t know. Do you like him?”

“Yes. A lot.”

“But you don’t know him.”

“What don’t I know about him?”

“Everything.”

“Like what?”

“Like who he is. Where he comes from.”

“Do you need to know those things in order to like somebody?”

“I think so.”

“You’ve never just felt a certain way without knowing why?”

I thought about her question. I thought about how I felt about Kaolin when I really didn’t know much about her or who she is. I saw her grow up, but I had never started talking to her until we left the hive, and even then, our conversations were sparse. And then I thought about the surface and my desire to breach the top. How could I love a place I had never been? Did I love it, or was it just an escape from a place that was unfulfilling?

She looked uneasy. “I’ve never wanted anybody before, but I want him. Only if he wants me too. How can I get him to like me?”

I snapped out of my dream world and looked over at the helpless girl, desperate for an answer I didn’t have. She had as much power in Nanash as the Mayor did in Newbury, but at the moment, she was powerless. She could keep Cotta in her hut all she liked, she could force him to be hers, but she couldn’t make him feel the way about her that she felt about him. The same was true with Joey. He had kept me close and although I developed a fondness and need for him, I could never feel the way about him that he felt for me.

And then I thought about Kaolin and wondered if she cared as much about me as I did her. Was I as helpless as Joey and Valasca? Were my dreams of her as fantastical as those of the surface?

“I don’t know what Cotta likes in terms of girls. He’s my best friend. I know his jokes and his games. I know his smile and his laugh, but I don’t know how he feels. I don’t know how he loves. We never discussed those things, I suppose. Or maybe he doesn’t know. Maybe he does love you or can love you. Who am I to tell you otherwise? I cannot feel other peoples’ emotions. I can only feel my own.”