Kelly Gay - The Darkest Edge of Dawn

“I’m not mad, Em,” I began, shaking my head. “Shocked? Yeah. But not mad. How could I be mad that you were born with special abilities?”

“Aunt Bryn calls it a gift.” Her face paled. “I’m sorry, Mom. She understands, and I knew she wouldn’t get upset if I told her. Plus, she kind of sensed it anyway. Well, at least that’s what she said.”

I pulled a wet strand of hair from my cheek and tucked it behind my ear, then reached up to tie the whole damp mess of it into a knot, trying desperately not to feel hurt that I’d been left out by the two of them. “I’m not upset. And I wish you wouldn’t think that’s always going to be my first reaction.”

“I know. I’m sorry. It’s just that you were going through all that stuff at work. And you hate Brim. You hate anything to do with crafting …”

I sighed. “Yes, but I love you. And hate is too strong a word. I don’t hate Brim or crafting.”

“You should’ve told me about Daddy.” Her words carved another nice little chunk out of my heart, though rightfully so.

I wanted to back up, to talk more about this communication thing with Brim, but the stark vulnerability in Em’s expression told me that would be a terrible mistake right now. It had taken a lot for her to confront me, first in anger earlier in her bedroom, and now here.

I gave her a sorry smile that would never be enough to convey how I felt. “I wanted to. I planned to. I wanted to give you time to get over what happened with me and your kidnapping. But it never seemed like the right time and then the holidays came and you got the part in the Christmas Day play. I thought maybe after …” I scrubbed both hands down my face and shook my head. “Look, I don’t always make the right decisions, Em. But every decision I do make is out of love and wanting to protect you. Everything I do comes from there. You have to trust me on that.”

She nodded and then asked the one question I knew was coming. “So, what’s wrong with Daddy, anyway? It’s like he’s a whole different person.”

My brow lifted. Yeah. You could say that again.

I took in a deep breath and then let it out. Where to begin? “Well.” I clasped my hands together, trying to simplify. “You know how Daddy wanted us to get back together before?” She nodded, and the urge to sugarcoat things gripped me hard. But I had to trust her, had to trust that she could handle this. “I think he was very sad and very depressed and very … impatient. He thought using off-world means would convince me to give him another chance, and we could all be a family again. Like before.” And I could see in her expression the unspoken thought: If you would’ve taken him back, he wouldn’t have had to. “So … do you know what a Revenant is?”

“Yeah, it’s a spirit being from Charbydon. We learned about them in our off-world studies class at school.” Her brow lifted in understanding, and her entire face went pale, the look of devastation widening her eyes unbearable. “Daddy made a deal with a Revenant, didn’t he? To get us back.”

It was like watching an accident you had no chance of stopping. Her eyes grew big and sad, the tears welling, pooling, until they spilled over in streams that were fed steadily by her broken heart. When her head dropped into her hands and her small shoulders began shaking from the sobs, I stopped thinking and gathered my baby into my arms and rocked her, smoothing her hair, kissing her forehead, and telling her it would be okay, that I loved her, that her father loved her.

When the sobbing stopped, she peeled herself from my arms, wiping her face and then turning around to face me like she had been before. “When did it happen?”

“When he was attacked at the town house, remember? When you were taken. He was dying. He would have died, if the Revenant hadn’t arrived in time.”

Her gaze rooted on the bedspread, but I could see her chewing thoughtfully on the inside of her cheek, a habit she’d picked up from me. “He’s still in there.” She looked back up at me. “Daddy is still there. I can feel him sometimes … like he’s his old self, and not …”

“Rex,” I answered. “Who’s actually okay as far as Revenants go, but don’t tell him I said that or it’ll go straight to his head. He’s staying because he cares about you, Em. More than I think even he realizes. And he’s been keeping the truth from you because I asked him to.” Em nodded, sniffling back tears. “As soon as we can figure out how to fix things, Daddy will be back to normal and Rex will … who knows … find another contract, be on his way to Broadway or the Food Network.”

Emma broke into laughter. “Yeah, no kidding.” And then her bottom lip began to quiver and my heart broke. The tears began again, and she leaned forward. I pulled her back into my arms, holding on tight as she cried.

There was no sense of time as we stayed like that, all my senses focused on her and not the outside world. I breathed her in, everything inside of me hurting and loving at the same time. I rode with those emotions, didn’t try to fight them or control them. Didn’t have to when it came to her. My lips rested on the side of her forehead near her temple, my hand smoothing back the hair from her forehead. Each breath drew her scent inside of me, an instant narcotic that released calming hormones into my system.

My daughter was such a miracle—I wondered if she’d ever realize the indelible impact she had on me.

Sensing that she was coming out of the worst of it, I leaned back and said, “And, for the record, I don’t hate Brim.”

She straightened, her nose red and wet, her bottom lip sucked in, and her eyes slightly swollen. “So can he stay in the house now? He did save your butt.”

I rolled my eyes, but laughed. “I think that was you.” The issue of Brim was serious, and I had to be sure. “Emma, you need to be straight with me about him.”

“Mom, I trust him with my life. He’d never hurt me. I can’t explain it, but everything about him, the way his mind works, his instincts—nothing is hidden from me. There are no doubts in his mind. He’d die for us.” Her look held complete and total honesty. And hope, so much hope. “Please trust me.”

I drew in a deep breath, reached out, and grabbed both sides of her face, pulling her forward so I could kiss her forehead. When I released her, I said, “He can stay in the house.”

“In my room?”

“He can sleep on your rug, but not on the bed. He stays off the bed. He’ll break the bed. And please, please, please … next time … just run for your room. Promise me.”

“I promise.” She threw her hands into the air and screamed. Then she was hugging me tightly. “Thank you, Mommy! Thank you, thank you, thank you! You’re the best mom ever!”

I’m trying, baby, I thought.

I’m trying.

As Emma ran out of the room to tell Rex the good news, I remained on the bed filled with dread. I’d lost her once to Mynogan and his cause. And now there was another psychopath threatening our world. Llyran had come into my home, claimed to be the Adonai killer, and invaded my mind. It left me feeling exposed, weak, and just a little neurotic.

The additional guard of Brim, along with Emma’s warded bedroom, was more than enough security, if my daughter was actually in her room at the time of danger. To compensate, she had several amulets of protection, some of the strongest known, all made by the Elders themselves, which she wore at all times except in bed and the shower. But was it enough? I’d been told a thousand times that it was, but …

I grabbed the phone from the nightstand and dialed Aaron’s number, deciding to put a little more protection on my daughter just in case. Everyone involved would most likely sigh and roll their eyes, both at the League of Mages and here at the house, but I didn’t care. He didn’t answer, so I left a detailed message.