Linda Robertson - Arcane Circle

Recognizing the guilt in his voice all too well, I rolled to face him.

“It’s hard for them with no body.” The superheated beam had left nothing of those it claimed. “Seeing him, his corpse, that would make it more real.”

“Not just for the families.”

“Yeah. I’m having a hard time, too, Red.”

He was silent while I stroked his cheek.

“You know what it’s like,” he whispered. “The Eldrenne gave her life for yours.” His fingers fidgeted with the bottom of the tank top I’d worn to bed. “In my mind, I can understand that Robert and Brian did the same, they gave their lives for a greater good, but …”

He didn’t finish, so I did. “But your heart has a hard time accepting that you’re the instrument of that greater good.”

“Exactly,” he whispered. He grasped a lock of my hair and tickled under my chin with the tips.

I pushed myself against him under the covers, slid my knee up to his hip.

He shifted gears but not in the way I expected. He asked, “Are you all set for the ritual?”

“I made a list of the supplies I need to gather up tomorrow morning, but I have everything so it’ll be quick.” My hands wandered. My lips found his. My tongue tasted an oaky sweet flavor. “Todd get the Laphroaig out again?”

“When it was all over, Todd, Kirk, and I toasted our fallen comrades privately. Said some words to the crescent moon.”

He took my roving hands in his and said, “Tell me about your day.”

Is he seriously not in the mood? “Are you drunk?”

“No.”

“You realize you just asked me how my day was and stopped my hands from fondling you?”

“I’m a regular dreamboat, ain’t I? Being the sensitive guy interested in your monotonous day and all that.”

“Yeah, because ‘monotonous’ is certainly the one word I’d use to describe my days lately.”

The sarcasm made us both feel better. So I tried another dose of it. “What’d that Laphroaig do to you?”

“I didn’t think it could get any worse than you making me hold that vamp’s hand and sharing a piece of my soul with him. But a battle, a chest wound, the probing you and I did, all followed by the long-ass day I had … it left me with some tight muscles in my neck and shoulders. The single-malt Scotch loosened ’em up. I get a rain check, though, right?”

I smoothed his black curls away from his forehead and fingered the white-gold loops piercing his brow. He’d removed the little studs from his nose and hadn’t worn them in a while. “You can have whatever you want.”

“Oooo.” He kissed my forehead. “So tell me. What’d I miss here?”

He had no desire to make love at all. I’d seen him like this once before: after seeing his father figure, Ig, bedridden and terribly ill. Right now he needed intimacy, but not sex. “The good news is, the barns and the coop are up and need minor finishing touches tomorrow. The poles are in and ready for electric to be installed. The well is dug. You met Maxine and Zhan?”

“Zhan must be the one asleep on the couch. Maxine introduced herself, told me she was security sent by the vamp. She recognized me from the ceremony at the haven, but I couldn’t say I remembered her. Though I did compliment her on the Audi.”

Nana’s old LeBaron with the AARP sticker in the back window really wasn’t the kind of car Johnny could be comfortable in. And the Domn Lup should have at least eight cylinders in his engine. If things ever settled down, maybe we could do something about that. “Tomorrow the well pump will be installed, Mountain’s mobile home is coming, and they’ll get more of Nana’s addition done.”

He was silent, then said, “Was there bad news?”

“Plenty. Xerxadrea’s body was identified. Vilna-Daluca stopped by with the lucusi to be sure I knew they were pissed at me.”

“Oh goody.”

I snuggled under his chin and let my arm drape over his side. “And guess what else?”

“There’s more?”

“Always.” I started to tell him about my mother’s visit, but I could feel tears burning my eyes at the thought of mentioning it. Considering what Theo had said about Johnny being overwhelmed by weeping women today, I decided not be another crying female he had to deal with. I could tell him later, too.

I did, however, tell him about Nana and me having our little disagreement and fixing it, and about the calls from worried parents coming in this evening. “And to top it all off Beverley’s mad at me.” I felt awful again just thinking about it. I told him what had happened with her. “I’m not sure what to do about her party. I guess I’ll have to leave for the day, but the bigger issue remains.”

“What bigger issue?”

“Me.” I sat up and wrapped my arms around my knees. “I want her to have a normal childhood, Johnny. She deserves that. But with me being the Lustrata and you being the Domn Lup, how is that ever going to happen?”

Johnny’s fingers trailed over my back for a few heartbeats, then he sat up and mimicked my pose. “Her mother became a wærewolf when Beverley was just a baby. From the very start, Red, her path was never going to be the Norman Rockwell version of a normal life—whatever that is. Her mother had a vampire lover and she was murdered by a rogue witch. Don’t beat yourself up because you can’t provide normal. You provide love.”

I bit my lip. “What if that’s not enough for her?”

“How could it not be?”

Laying my head on my knees, I let the sadness rise up. “She said that everything got screwed up after her mom started letting Goliath drink from her. She depends on me, she’s lost everything, and now her party may be ruined because I’m letting Menessos drink from me.” The tears fell. “She’s never going to trust me.”

Johnny’s arm wrapped my shoulders and he pulled me to him. “Yes, she will.”

“I’m bound to him, Johnny. I can’t undo it.”

“Would you, if you could, for her?”

“I might.”

“You did the right thing for the right reason,” he said.

It was my former mantra, but now I hated each syllable. “I chose to act for justice. But I didn’t see how any of it could trickle down and encroach on her life.” Miserably, I added, “I should have.”

“You acted. Of course the situation changed afterward. Most people would have been immobilized by their fear. Not you. In the moment, you did what was right. You always do—because of that you saved her life at the Covenstead. Because you’re willing to take action. You can’t reevaluate your past based on current events. What’s done is done. You can only make changes to the present and hope for the best future to come.”

Johnny laid back and pulled me close so my head lay on his shoulder. I felt safe in his arms and I let his words reassure me as he idly stroked my hair.

Sleep had almost claimed me when he whispered, “Maybe you could wear a disguise to the party.”

Johnny cuddled close and whispered into my ear, “You know, technically, a shower is a lot like rain.”

“What?” I asked over my shoulder, wiping away sleep. The clock read six-fifty. The sun wasn’t up yet.

He ran his fingers from my thigh to my hip and let his warm palm rest on my waist under the tank top I’d slept in. “Thought I might cash in that rain check in the shower.”

“You mean the shower that’s so close to Nana and Beverley’s rooms?”

“We can be quiet.”

“The day I orgasm quietly will be a bad day.”

He beamed at that remark. “Yeah, you are noisy. I dig it.” He brushed hair from the nape of my neck and bit me gently. My reaction to that was arching my back and wishing ardently for thicker walls. When I moaned in quiet frustration, he twisted to sit on the side of the bed. “But that would be a little brazen, wouldn’t it?”