Gail Carriger - Heartless

Sometimes the necessaries are not something that can be researched. With grateful thanks to those who, wittingly or unwittingly, found themselves tutoring my madness: Mom for the holly; Willow for the dates; Rachel my mistress of the emotional red herring; Erin coma goddess; the Iz of continuity; and Phrannish the best wing-chick evah!

Notation to the Records, Subject P-464-AT, Alexia Tarabotti

Archivist: Mr. Phinkerlington, junior clerk, aethographic transmission specialist, second class

Subject P-464-AT is with child, sire unknown. Subject removed from London. Subject detached from Shadow Council. Position of muhjah vacant.

Notation to the Notation to the Records, Subject P-464-AT, Alexia Tarabotti

Archivist: Mr. Haverbink, field agent, recognizance and munitions expert, first class

Subject P-464-AT’s pregnancy confirmed as direct result of union with Subject W-57790-CM, werewolf. Impregnation duly verified by scientists in good standing and by Italian Templars (preternatural breeding program discontinued circa 1805). (Please note: Templars classified as Threat to the Commonwealth of the Highest Order, yet their research in this is rated Unimpeachable.) Subject P-464-AT reinstated as muhjah.

Addendum to the Notation to the Notation to the Records, Subject P-464-AT, Alexia Tarabotti

Archivist: Professor Lyall, field agent, secretary prime (aka Subject W-56889-RL)

Werewolf howlers consulted on progeny. Child most likely a soul-stealer (aka skin-stalker or flayer ). Templar records reported to indicate this implies ability to be both mortal and immortal. Potentate, Lord Akeldama (aka Subject V-322-XA), concurs. Subject P-464-AT says she believes “the horrible man said something along the lines of . . . a creature that can both walk and crawl and that rides the soul as a knight will ride his steed.” (Please note: suspect “horrible man” is reference to Florentine preceptor of the Knights Templar.)

Only previous recorded example of a soul-stealer was Al-Zabba (aka Zenobia, Queen of the Palmyrene, no subject number). Understood to be related to Subject V-322-XA, Akeldama. (He won’t reveal the details—you know vampires.) Zenobia most likely result of union between Vampire Queen and Male Preternatural (subjects unknown). It is thus impossible to say if her abilities will be comparable to those of the forthcoming Subject P-464-AT progeny, as this child is the result of Female Preternatural and Alpha Werewolf union. In either case, type of manifestation unknown.

Suggest new classification for progeny: M for metanatural.

Additional Addendum for Consideration: Vampires clearly desire progeny eliminated, at expense of Subject P-464-AT. It is this archivist’s belief that it is in the best interest of the Commonwealth to see this child born, for scientific purposes if nothing else. Have consulted with Subject V-322-XA, Akeldama, and believe we have a solution to vampire negativity.

“Five months! Five months you—dare I say it— gentlemen have been sitting on this little scheme of yours and only now you decide to inform me of it!” Lady Alexia Maccon did not enjoy being surprised by declarations of intent. She glared at the men before her. Fully grown, and a goodly number of centuries older than she, yet they still managed to look like shamefaced little boys.

The three gentlemen, despite identical expressions of sheepishness, were as dissimilar as men of fashion and social standing could possibly be. The first was large and slightly unkempt. His perfectly tailored evening jacket draped about massive shoulders with a degree of reluctance, as if it were well aware that it was worn under sufferance. The other two existed in far more congenial partnerships with their apparel, although, with the first, dress was a matter of subtlety and, with the second, a form of artistic, nigh declamatory, expression.

Lady Maccon was not looking fearsome enough to inspire feelings of embarrassment in any gentleman, fashionable or no. Perilously close to her confinement at almost eight months, she had the distinct appearance of a stuffed goose with bunions.

“We didna want to worry you overly,” ventured her husband. His voice was gruff in an attempt at calm solicitude. The Earl of Woolsey’s tawny eyes were lowered, and his hair might actually have been dampened.

“Oh, and the constant vampire death threats are so very restful for a woman in my condition?” Alexia was having none of it. Her voice was shrill enough to disturb Lord Akeldama’s cat, normally a most unflappable creature. The chubby calico opened one yellow eye and yawned.

“But isn’t it the most perfect solution, my little lilac bush?” exalted Lord Akeldama, petting the cat back into purring, boneless relaxation. The vampire’s discomfiture was the most manufactured of the three. There was a twinkle in his beautiful eyes, however downcast. It was the twinkle of a man about to get his own way.

“What, to lose possession of my own child? For goodness’ sake, I may be soulless and I am, admittedly, not precisely maternal, but I am by no means heartless. Really, Conall, how could you agree to this? Without consulting me!”

“Wife, did you miss the fact that the entire pack has been on constant bodyguard duty for the past five months? It’s exhausting, my dear.”

Lady Maccon adored her husband. She was particularly fond of the way he strode about shirtless in a fit of pique, but she was finding she didn’t actually like him at the moment—the fathead. She was also suddenly hungry, a terrible bother, as it distracted her from her irritation.

“Oh, indeed, and how do you think I feel being on the receiving end of such constant supervision? But, Conall, adoption !” Alexia stood and began to pace about. Or, to be more precise, waddle fiercely. For once, she was blind to the gilded beauty of Lord Akeldama’s drawing room. I should have known better than to agree to a meeting here, she thought. Something untoward always occurs in Lord Akeldama’s drawing room.

“The queen thinks it’s a good plan.” That was Professor Lyall joining the fray. His was probably the most genuine regret, as he disliked confrontation. He was also the one truly responsible for this plot, unless Alexia was very wrong in her estimation of his character.

“Bully for the ruddy queen. Absolutely not—I refuse.”

“Now, Alexia, my dearest, be reasonable.” Her husband was trying to wheedle. He wasn’t very good at it—wheedling looked odd on a man of his proportions and monthly inclinations.

“Reasonable? Go boil your head in reasonable!”

Lord Akeldama tried a new tactic. “I have already converted the room next to mine into a positively charming nursery, my little pomegranate seed.”

Lady Maccon was really quite shocked to hear that. She paused in her wrath and her waddling to blink at the vampire in surprise. “Not your second closet? Never that.”

“Indeed. You see how seriously I am taking this, my dearest petal? I have relocated clothing for you.”

“For my child, you mean.” But Alexia was impressed despite herself.

She looked to Lyall for assistance and tried desperately to calm herself and behave as practically as possible. “And this will stop the attacks?”

Professor Lyall nodded, pushing his spectacles up with one finger. They were an affectation—he had no need of them—but they gave him something to hide behind. And something to fiddle with. “I believe so. I have not, of course, been able to consult with any queens outright. The hives refuse to admit to an extermination mandate, and BUR has not yet determined how to prove definitively the vampires are”—he coughed gently—“trying to kill your child. And by default, you.”