Richelle Mead - Shadow Heir

She lifted the squirming baby up to give me a quick look, and I felt dizzier than any drug could have made me.

A girl . My daughter. Everything I’d done these last seven months had been for both twins, but she had been the force that initially spurred me to action. Kiyo had given me argument after argument about how her brother was some terrible creature that couldn’t be allowed to live, yet I’d been unable to sacrifice her along the way. And now, here she was. I felt worlds away from where I’d been upon first seeing her on an ultrasound.

I had no time for further philosophical musings because they soon spirited her away. Her brother came shortly thereafter, presented to me in the same quick manner.

He made a small, piteous cry, and I tried to remember if the girl had cried or not. Everything had happened too quickly. Again, I got only a brief look before he was whisked away, with explanations of “oxygen” and “NICU.” In that momentary assessment, I didn’t see any conqueror of worlds. I only saw a baby, a very, very small one, who seemed surprised and upset to have to face what the world had in store for him.

I knew how he felt.

Even with the most intense part over, there was still more to do. There was the afterbirth to deal with, then the stitching and cleanup. My incision was stapled, and I couldn’t even fathom trying to explain that to a gentry. The entire process seemed too quick and too neatly wrapped up for its magnitude. Candace stayed as close as they’d let her throughout the whole ordeal, finally returning to my side when I was in presentable shape. She clasped her hands together, face shining.

“Did you see them?” she asked wonderingly. “Oh, Eugenie. They’re so beautiful.”

They were, I realized. My glimpses had been quick, but those images were etched permanently in my memory. I wanted to see them again, as soon as possible. I was forced to wait, though, while the staff did whatever it was the babies needed in the NICU. Tests were run, and there was nothing I could do but bide my time until the obstetrician sat down with me again.

“They’re both nearly three pounds each,” she said. “Which is fantastic. Twenty-nine weeks is definitely viable, but it’s always better the more weight they’ve got.” That would be Candace’s cooking and food agenda, I supposed. “Their lungs aren’t as developed as a full-term baby’s would be, of course, but we’re able to help with that. All in all, they’re in remarkably good shape. They’ll need to stay here for a while, but at this point, I’m really pleased with the prognosis.”

After a little more medical talk, they finally let me go to the twins. I was wheeled down, which seemed like overkill, but the nurses assured me I’d understand once some of my pain medication wore off. Candace and Charles accompanied me. He said something about having called Evan, but I didn’t pay much attention. My only thought was that the nurse needed to get me to NICU faster. When we reached it, I wasn’t fully prepared for what I found.

The twins were there, each in their own glass-encased bed. They weren’t the only things in the box. Each twin was connected to feeding tubes and a ventilator, a world of dizzying machinery. It all seemed too big and too scary for such little people. Something caught in my throat.

“I didn’t know there’d be so much ... stuff,” I managed to say.

The nurse had a kind, compassionate face. Exactly what you’d want from someone in this job. “I know the machinery’s intimidating, but don’t focus on that. Focus on what it’s doing. It’s helping make sure they’ll both get healthy and strong so they can go home with you.”

I gave a weak nod and hastily ran a hand over my eyes. Had I really been afraid of these two? And how could anyone have wanted to harm them? They were so tiny, like little dolls, and looked so terribly helpless. I felt guilty and ineffectual, like I should have done something to delay their birth. Or like I should be doing something now . I was their mother. Wasn’t it my job to protect them? I supposed, so far, I had, but now it was out of my hands.

They didn’t look like the downy, cherublike babies on TV. There was a fragility to their limbs, hands, and feet that, again, reminded me of dolls. Their skin was pink and blotchy, yet I could tell I was the parent they’d taken after. They had my coloring and didn’t appear to have inherited any of Kiyo’s features. Small blessings.

“What will you call them?” asked Charles.

Unlike everything else in this ordeal, I actually had an answer for that. My long days had given me a lot of time to ponder names, which were a much safer mental challenge than the rest of my life. It would be nice to say I’d come up with really symbolic names or names of great people who’d left some impact on my life. Nope. It was a much simpler matter than that. I simply gave them names I liked. Ordinary names. The kinds of names a person shaped—not ones that shaped a person.

“Ivy and Isaac,” I said. I was a fan of alliteration.

Candace and Charles seemed pleased by the choices. I’d once heard her go off on “the ridiculous things people name their children these days,” so I think she was relieved I hadn’t made up some weird monstrosity for them.

“These are amazing times we live in,” she said, looking down at Ivy. “Imagine having these little ones a hundred years ago. What would’ve happened then?”

Or, I thought, what would’ve happened if they’d been born in the Otherworld? Because I had to assume they would’ve come early there too, in a position not suitable for natural birth. Dorian had seemed confident of his healers’ magic to handle anything, but I wasn’t so sure—especially considering the gentry track record with infants. I couldn’t believe anything the Otherworld could offer would match the care the twins were getting now. And I knew in that moment that everything I’d been through—turning my back on the Otherworld, coping with boredom, keeping away from magic—had all been worth it.

I gazed at my children and sighed happily. “We’re exactly where we need to be.”

The next few weeks were surreal, and for the first time since coming to Alabama, I no longer worried about the Otherworld or filling my time. Isaac and Ivy consumed my life.

Not that there was much I could do for them. They were in the hands of the doctors and NICU nurses. Initially, I was able to pump breast milk for the twins to supplement the high-calorie formula they were also being fed. I was a little weirded out by being hooked up to a machine, but it was worth it to feel like I was contributing something. In time, it became clear I was one of those women who simply couldn’t produce milk very well, and I wondered if it was the result of my half-gentry heritage, since their women often had similar problems. Regardless, after two weeks, I stopped my attempts, and the twins went on a strictly formula diet. Some of the nurses tried to reassure me that the best antibodies came in the early days and that I’d done a good job in giving what I could. I knew current thinking recommended breast-feeding for much longer, however, again making me feel woefully inadequate.

So, my contribution simply became frequent, daily visits. I watched my children and the machines that supported them, silently counting each breath and heartbeat. I liked to think that Isaac and Ivy could sense my presence, even from inside their boxes. Maybe that was just wishful thinking, but it gave me some hope. I was rarely alone in my visits. One of the Reeds was almost always with me, and I took comfort from that too.

It was probably one of the most stressful times in my life, but progress was made in tiny, agonizing steps. The twins’ prognosis remained good, and before long I was allowed to touch them inside their compartments. The first time I did it, brushing Ivy’s hand, was like a miracle unfolding before me. I was certain I’d never felt anything so soft. And as the one-month mark neared, I was told Isaac and Ivy might have to stay for only one more month, based on their progress. I barely heard that part because it was immediately followed by two pieces of good news. The doctors expected the ventilators to come off soon and also that the twins would be in good enough condition that I could hold them.