Rob Thurman - Doubletake

Better life?

Shit.

“Guess what, asshole? You were wrong .” I straightened and threw the Ka-Bar directly at him. I didn’t lose control. It was me, all me, and entirely deliberate.

In a move so reminiscent of Niko it was uncanny, he leaned to one side with incredible speed and caught the combat knife by the handle, as it would’ve passed by his neck or through his neck if he hadn’t dodged. The corner of his mouth lifted. I could see the curve of condescension building. For a half Auphe, I wasn’t too impressive, not at all—I could see the thought forming behind onyx eyes.

We’d see about that.

Yes, we would.

“Keep it,” I said with a mocking grin. “Where you’re going, you’re going to need it.”

The gate I created blossomed into hungry, pulsing dark gray around him and then he and it were gone. All Auphe could build gates to places they’d been to or could see. An endless number of gates. So could I…once. Now I was limited, but I had enough ability left in me, and this one had more than been worth it.

“You didn’t.” Niko frowned, and it wasn’t throwing the knife at his deadbeat dad that sparked that statement. “Tell me that you didn’t.”

I swept my hair back out of my eyes. It was nice to not be mistaken as the sheepdog entry in the Unshowered Best of Show. But letting it hang, glaring through it, I’d been what Kalakos had expected me to be—wild and tainted. Auphe. That had been worth it—delivering the goods. “Goodfellow said all supers had fled the city last night. Worst that happens is he gets mugged.”

“You did. Buddha on high, you gated him to the boggle pit.” Niko lowered his head to pound the base of his palm lightly against his forehead. “Cal, there is supernatural and then there is über-natural. The Panic might affect the boggles some, perhaps, but not enough to make them leave. They can burrow under the mud to avoid the pheromones if they have to, but pheromones or not, I have a feeling not even the Panic is enough to drive the boggles elsewhere.”

True. Boggles, nine feet of mud-wallowing, alligator-skinned, shark-mouthed humanoids that lived in the least accessible part of Central Park, were the unsocialized pit bulls of the paien world—if pit bulls were the size of bears, could talk, and ate muggers and joggers. Very little—actually nothing—scared them.

I groaned at having to admit social responsibility, which was only for Niko’s sake or I would’ve dropped that asshole straight into the pit and had a brewski to celebrate the occasion. “No, I didn’t.” I opened the refrigerator and grabbed some frozen waffles. “In case the boggles didn’t leave”—and I knew as well as my brother what tough mothers they were—“I gated him about one-fourth of a mile away. If he’s a fast runner, he’ll be back to annoy us—I mean you—soon enough.”

He would be too, the way he moved. I saw where Niko had obtained the potential to become the fighter he was. If he hadn’t put in the work, studied martial arts, trained in every single method he could get his hands on, the potential might have stayed dormant. But he had put in the work. He had to keep his brother alive from the pursuing monsters until I was old enough to do it myself, and that took effort.

All of his life had been about making sure I kept mine.

Giving Niko a better life, Kalakos had said.…That bastard.

I popped two waffles into the toaster. “Is it all right if I hate the son of a bitch for you?” I asked, pretending to search for syrup in the wrong cabinet. “He’s a dick and he screwed you bigger than anything, but he’s your father.…Guess it’s polite to ask: Can I hate him?” I already did, but if Niko had a problem with it, I’d pretend otherwise. If Niko wanted to bond with the deserting dick, the absentee asshole, I’d grit my teeth and go along with that as well. I’d despise it, and keep hating underneath, but I’d do it. To say I owed my brother didn’t quite cover it.

“Don’t worry.” Niko handed me the syrup from the pantry, ending my charade of not meeting his eyes. “He didn’t come for me and then he didn’t come for us both. You aren’t his son, but you’re my brother and he knew that. Family is family. He is not ours. He deserted not only me, but you as well.” His smile wasn’t savage as mine had been, but it was far more bitter.

“Trust me, Cal. I hate him enough for us both.”

Niko hated.

The younger me, the Cal of eight years ago, felt a pang of regret.

Several months ago, I’d killed eight members of my family.

No, that wasn’t what I meant, whether it was true or not.

Several months ago there was a somewhat, in some people’s eyes, relatively normal Cal—or by and large normal—the best he was able to be as a half Auphe. Occasionally he did lose his shit, attacked and ate deer while on road trips through the woods, created massive holes in between dimensions to shove through malevolently murderous pucks, and once in a while ripped out an Auphe’s throat with his teeth. He also opened a gate or two to save his friends, blew up an antihealer from the inside out to save the world, cleaned his guns while watching porn, and generally was a smart-ass to everyone.

Normal.

I opened the front door to the Ninth Circle to start preparation for the Panic. There was nothing normal about that .

But I had been normal, considering the world we lived in.

Again, in some people’s eyes…

Then that Cal was jumped by several Great Dane–size spiders in Central Park and bitten on his way home from this same bar. The venom caused the loss of most of his memories and separated the human part of Cal from the Auphe part for a while. The Auphe genes concentrated solely on fixing the damage located in the section of the mind that stored memory. They ignored the rest of the body and brain unaffected by the venom. And while they were occupied the rest of the suddenly mostly human Cal showed what he could’ve been—in a fictional world where Auphe hadn’t existed, where they hadn’t been half of what he was. A dream. A “what if” in a world where “what if” are the cruelest words around. Finally the poison’s effects were healed, and not only the amnesia, but something else—a mental split that had existed since birth, a defect, the Auphe would’ve said—joined back together and there weren’t two different Cals anymore: the human one who was snarky and would take you down if you deserved it and then the subconscious Auphe one who wanted out, although it took him nineteen years, wanted free, who thought control was a disease and slaughter the most natural thing there could be.

Those two Cals became one. The venom had activated the Auphe healing to the extent that it had done more than return my memories. It had interwoven what had once been separate. And now there was me. I was improved. I had control, something I believed I’d always lack.

Having control, that was something unbelievable. Incredible. There was no more reverting to the other half of my gene pool and chasing and eating Bambi in the woods, because there was no other half anymore—not mentally. There was something new and now whole formed by a joining of Auphe and human.

Something new, something old, something unlike anything on this earth.

I was in command, darker maybe, but the darkness was worth it.

Darker than dark, blacker than night. Yessss.

Enough, Gollum. Christ. I’d gotten the point already.

But it was worth the trade—I thought. Before, I wouldn’t kill you unless I had to…although I might want to if you pissed me off. Now the whole—the new—Cal wouldn’t kill you unless I had to; I’d just want to a whole lot more—and you didn’t always have to piss me off to have me fondling my guns. The drive was increased, but the decision was the same…because of the control. I held back, unless you did have it coming to you.