Mike Shevdon - Sixty-One Nails

If only I could stay there.

I sat for an hour or more before people started walking across the square, heading towards work or some other rendezvous, and it lost its privacy. I was getting chilled so I wandered back the way I had come to find the coffee shop had opened. I ordered black coffee and added sugar before taking it outside. I sat among the deserted tables in the damp air and waited for Blackbird. On the war memorial across the pavement from me I could read the words "Humanity" and "Sacrifice". I hoped it wasn't an omen.

Waiting for someone when you don't know whether they're going to turn up is like a first date, full of uncertainty and trepidation. You hope for the best, but at the same time you're thinking about what you're going to do if they don't show.

I wondered what I might say to Blackbird if she walked across the square. I could tell her about discovering my glow and my unwelcome visitor. I could explain about being picked up by the police and the tragic events that followed. I was sure she would know what I ought to have done.

But then I thought about what she might say when she found out the police were searching for me. I was sure she didn't want that kind of attention any more than I did. What could I say to her? "Hi, it's me, the person you didn't want to see; I have lots of new friends and they're all looking for me." It didn't sound very positive. Then again, the mould spreading across the door might be a vital clue to what I was dealing with. She would have to help me, wouldn't she?

After an hour, I celebrated the beginning of the second day of my new life with another coffee. It had been this time yesterday that I had first met Blackbird and heard about the Feyre. She had expressed doubts that I would last until this new day and, to be honest, there had been times when I had shared them, but here I was. All I had to do now was repeat my success on a daily basis and I could look forward to a long life. I sipped my coffee but I couldn't enjoy it. I didn't want more coffee, I wanted to go and find Blackbird.

I was getting twitchy. I didn't know how long it would be before the search at Heathrow extended out into the wider city and my description started to circulate. At the same time, the boredom of watching everyone else go about their daily life wore away at my aversion to risk. I was restless, even changing seats a couple of times to refresh the dampness of my trousers. Still there was no sign of her.

Finally I had to admit she wasn't coming and that I couldn't stay. It crossed my mind that perhaps she was in trouble. This was followed by the realisation that if she was, she would be far better off dealing with it without my assistance. I needed her help, she didn't need mine. I stood up and looked around. Action was better than sitting and waiting for something that wasn't going to happen and I needed to be doing something. I needed to find her.

I could retrace our steps but where would that lead me? It would take me back to Covent Garden and to the tunnels beneath the tube station. Would Kareesh know where she was? If she knew, would she tell me? I doubted it but she might be able to get a message to her and let her know I was still alive. That might be enough. At least if I walked that way I could check with Megan to see if she'd seen Blackbird, assuming she was at her usual spot.

I considered walking up to Covent Garden along the open streets rather than following the circuitous route from yesterday. Blackbird had thought I wasn't ready to take the straightforward route yet. I would follow her route, then.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then walked away from Trafalgar Square into Lower St Martin's Lane, turning into a side-alley where my shoulders would touch both sides if I stood straight on. Halfway down there were doors open into the rear of a pub where the sound of a vacuum cleaner told me they were cleaning up, ready for the new day's business. Stepping back out into the street at the end, I followed the route Blackbird had led me through, taking odd turns into back alleys and walking around the rear of buildings. Blackbird had used her glamour to make sure we weren't noticed but I wasn't sure how to do that. Perhaps if I just exuded a general ambience of I'm supposed to be here then no one would notice me.

I bypassed a corporate reception, the girl behind the glass giving me a half-glance as I went along the side of the building. Maybe it was working. I turned around the back of the building and followed what looked like a fire evacuation route the wrong way past some metal stairs and down towards a black-painted gate.

"Excuse me?" The voice came from a side passage.

A burly looking guy with the buzz-cut hair of a soldier in a security guard's uniform moved quickly up behind me, forcing me to turn and meet him rather than slip through the gate.

"Where d'ya think you're going'?"

"Oh, if I go this way I can find my way again." I pointed the way I was going.

"You can't go down there, mate, that's private property, that is."

"I'm so sorry." All the time, I was thinking Forget me! Turn away! You didn't see me! But it wasn't working.

"Well I'm afraid you're going to have to come with me and explain yourself." The security guard indicated back the way he'd come.

There was no way I was going with him. I glanced back towards the gate and, as I did, he leaned forward and grabbed my arm. I pulled away, but he had a firm grip. I turned back to his grim-faced determination and tried to pull his hand from my arm.

"Now listen, mate, you're going to get into trouble if you don't come with me."

He pulled at my arm again, tugging me off balance so I staggered towards him. I had my hand on his where he gripped my arm as I tried to pull back. Reaching to the core within me I focused my will on the single instruction: Forget me!

A pulse of darkness jolted down my arm and he staggered back as if I had punched him. His face went blank. He placed his hand on the wall for support. His hands came up to his eyes and he rubbed them as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing. I rushed back to the gate and shot back the catch so I could push my way through. I slammed it shut behind me, glad to get something between us. He was still leaning against the wall, squinting towards the gate and blinking as if the light were too bright to bear. I left him there and hurried down the walkway, cutting around the back of another building and coming out behind a row of shops. Moving quickly along my route, I came to another alleyway where I ducked out of sight into the entrance.

Now I had time to think, I was worried about the guy. I had tried to push him off but he'd been determined to drag me back towards the building. When I had finally managed to focus enough to get my magic to work on him I had been trying to pull his hand away. Blackbird had said touch intensified some gifts and I wondered what the effect on him would be. Maybe he'd be OK now his mind had stopped trying to deny I was there.

I took a moment to try and compose myself and decide what sort of spell, if that was the right word, I should use. What I really wanted was to be invisible but if gates and doors started opening on their own then that was bound to attract attention. The idea of I'm supposed to be here was subtle enough but it didn't have the imperative that Forget me had. On the other hand, Forget me had been too strong — or was that because I had been touching him at the time? It still seemed harsh and crude.

After some thought I settled on Ignore me, since that was really what I wanted.

Once I had the thought clearly in my head that I wanted people to ignore me, I reached within myself, trying to connect my intention to the source of power inside myself. It pulsed once and then subsided. Was that it? Had it worked? Still wary against further encounters, I continued along the route.