Rachel Vincent - With All My Soul

Tod blinked at me. His arms rested against his legs, his hands hanging between his knees, and his eyes were so still. Still like true death. And for the first time since I’d met him, he looked like I might have expected a reaper to look. Like death itself, he was both the object that could not be moved and the force that could not be resisted, and the longer he stared at me without reacting—without showing a single ripple of emotion beneath his frozen-lake eyes—the deeper my heart ached, until I thought it would split open and fall apart.

“Please say something.” I sank onto the closed toilet seat, my knees inches from his. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what else to do. I would take it back if I could, but I’m not going to lie about it, and... Are you mad?”

“You kissed a hellion.”

My heart pumped once, painfully, then stopped. “Yes, but it wasn’t like that. It wasn’t like kissing you—”

“I sure as hell hope not!” A single thread of ice-blue anger twisted through his irises, then they burst into a dizzying range of shades from cornflower to cobalt, displaying a storm of emotion like I’d never seen. Anger. Fear. Jealousy. Confusion. Frustration. They were all there, but the scariest of all was grief, as if he’d lost something he couldn’t get back.

As if we’d lost something...

He stood, and I stood in front of him, as if I could possibly block a reaper’s path if he wanted to leave. “No. Tod, wait.” I put one hand on his chest, feeling for his heartbeat, but it wasn’t there. “It wasn’t like that. I swear on my afterlife. I swear on my soul. It wasn’t a kiss like people kiss. I don’t think hellions even truly understand why people kiss. This was an exchange of information.”

“It was an exchange of saliva.” That churning continued in his eyes, and my heart shattered when I saw a midnight twist of disappointment.

“No!” I grabbed his hand—if he tried to blink out, he’d have to take me with him. “Well, yes, but it wasn’t about saliva. It was about blood. My blood, and the anger it carried. That’s what he wanted.”

“That’s part of what he wanted.” Instead of pulling his hand away, Tod squeezed mine, like everything important he wanted to say could be read in his grip, when I couldn’t make any sense of what I saw in his eyes. “He wanted to taste your anger, but he also wanted to cause more of it. And he did, right? Making you kiss him pissed you off, didn’t it? It’s sure as hell pissing me off, and he probably wanted that, too. Nothing hellions want is simple, Kaylee. Nothing they take is simple, either, and they always take more than you realize you’re giving.”

Suddenly the maelstrom churning in his eyes collapsed into a single sapphire coil of pain. “I can’t stand the thought of him touching you.” His free hand rose, and his thumb brushed the fullest part of my lower lip, still crusted with dried blood. “Kissing you... I don’t even know what he looks like, but I can’t stop seeing it.”

I tried to breathe and realized I couldn’t. “I’m sorry.” More tears trailed down my cheeks, and I took the rag from the sink where he’d dropped it. The cloth was cold now, but I swiped at my face furiously, scrubbing the blood off without the benefit of the mirror, trying to erase what I’d done. “I’m so sorry. I wish I could take it back, but I can’t, and I had to do something. I can’t just leave my dad there, but I’m so sorry for how I paid, and if I lose you—”

“Kaylee. Stop.” Tod took the rag and stared at it for a second. Then he used one clean corner to gently wipe the blood I’d missed from around my lips. “You’re not going to lose me. I’m not happy about what happened, but losing you would make that worse, not better. You’re never going to lose me, and certainly not because one of hell’s ambassadors bullied you into kissing him.”

My heart started beating again, and the sudden rush of my pulse made me light-headed. Tod wiped the last of the blood from my mouth, then leaned forward and kissed me, and I let the feel of him and the taste of him—of all things good and safe and strong—drive the memory of that other kiss from my head.

“Just...in the future, save all the good stuff for me, okay?” he whispered into my hair, holding me so tight I couldn’t have breathed if I’d needed to.

“It’s yours. All of it. All of me. ” I put my head on his shoulder and clutched handfuls of his shirt. “I’m all yours.”

That was the only thing I could see clearly, when I tried to picture forever.

When Tod finally pulled away, it was only so that he could see my eyes. “We’re going to get your dad back. I’m sorry I was out of reach when this happened. I was looking for Thane.”

“Oh, yeah.” That’s why he’d been in the Netherworld.

“What does that mean?” He frowned, studying my face. “You knew?”

“I went to reaper headquarters last night and I overheard. I didn’t mean to, but once I figured out Levi had given you a special assignment, I was kind of glad. We need to catch Thane. And I figured you didn’t tell me because Levi wouldn’t let you, right? This is a secret assignment?”

Tod exhaled and held my gaze. “Kay, this was my idea. Levi thought he’d be too far away by now, and we’d have to wait on a sighting from one of the other districts, but I asked him to let me look into it. At first, I didn’t find anything, but then early this morning I found one of the souls he took off with after Emma died.”

“Where?” I wasn’t sure I’d processed everything he’d said yet, but that question couldn’t wait. “Where is he?”

“I haven’t found Thane yet, but he sold one of the souls in the Netherworld, one district over. I’m not sure what he got for it, but that’s proof that he didn’t leave the area immediately. He may still be close.” Tod smiled, and his whole face lit up with the possibility shining in his eyes. “We’re going to catch him, Kaylee, and he’s going to pay for his part in...everything.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you requested this?”

“I wanted it to be a surprise. I wanted to catch him as a sort of late birthday present. Because your party...well, it kinda sucked, and you deserve to get something you really want for your birthday. Something other than death, horror, and mayhem.”

“I have what I really want.” I grabbed a handful of his tee and pulled him closer for another kiss. “And I don’t like secrets.”

“Not a secret. A surprise. Similar meaning—completely different tone and intent.” He grinned. “I wanted to surprise you. What were you doing at headquarters, anyway?”

Well, crap. Tod would have been the first—possibly only—person I told after Emma, but timing was definitely not on my side lately. “I...um...may have taken Beck’s soul back from Levi to give to Traci’s baby.”

“You what? ” Tod sat on the edge of the tub and ran one hand through his curls, and when he met my gaze again, his irises were twisting slowly in frustration. “For someone who doesn’t like secrets, you sure keep a lot of them. Does my boss know you stole his letter opener?”

“If he hasn’t said anything to you, I’m guessing he doesn’t know. But I didn’t take the letter opener, I just took the soul. And I wasn’t stealing it, I was taking it back. The way I see it, several people have a legitimate claim to that soul, including me. But Levi’s not one of them. It should go to Beck’s son. Traci and her baby deserve a chance, and that soul is the very least that bastard owes them.”