Jessica Andersen - Magic Unchained

She was on her own, though. Sven had offered to come with her, but she’d turned him down. Things between them were still too new. She hadn’t expected to come back to Skywatch as his lover, hadn’t expected it to have changed her outlook as much as it had.

Besides, this was between her and Carlos.

Forcing her voice steady, she said, “I don’t think it’s a reach. Look at the evidence—the nahwal, the visions, the mark, the skull statue, the way the hellhound seems focused on me… all of it points to the winikin being part of the gods’ plan, with me leading them.”

“Zane thought the same thing.”

It would have stung if she hadn’t already thought it. “Zane was a solo act. Sven and I have shared the visions.”

A plate banged. “I’m guessing that’s not all you’ve shared.” His voice was cold, his shoulders set.

She fought not to let him see that he’d made a direct hit. “I know you didn’t want us together.”

“Still don’t.” He slapped off the water and spun to glower at her. “You don’t get to say that you’re doing what the gods want, but do it by defying the writs.”

“There’s nothing in the writs forbidding a relationship between a winikin and a mage. And you know as well as I do that the First Father wasn’t a god. He was just the guy who got the Nightkeepers out of Egypt ahead of the death squads, and led them to this continent for a do-over.”

“Yet you think his resurrection will win the war, and that you and Sven are meant to bring him back.”

Another direct hit. But rather than argue, she blew out a breath and said, “I’m just doing my best here. I’d like to think we all are… but we’re running out of time.”

He turned back to the sink. “What do you want from me? You must want something, or you wouldn’t be here.”

“I…” She trailed off as angry tears threatened, not just at him, but at herself for not realizing how bad things had gotten between them. She had thought they were peacefully coexisting. Wrong. If she’d had a plate in her hand she would have banged it louder than he was doing as he attacked a stubborn speck. “What is your problem? What have I done that’s so awful, really? Is it because I refuse to behave like a proper little servant? Because I left? Or is it because Jox put me in charge rather than you?”

“I’ve had about enough of this.”

“Bullshit. I’m the one who’s had enough. I should have called you on this when I first got back and you made it clear that you didn’t want me here if I wasn’t going to do things your way.”

“Stop it,” he said, louder this time, but he wouldn’t look at her, just kept scrubbing away like he wanted to take the design off the plate.

But she couldn’t stop. The words were tumbling out now, propelled by years of frustration and the inner voice that whispered, No regrets. “Or maybe you just don’t want me around at all. If I hadn’t been at the ranch, Sven wouldn’t have needed to stay away for all those years, would he? Or maybe I should go all the way back, to when Mom got pregnant with a half-blood. Is that why you spent all your time with Sven and left me to her? Because I’m half human, not even a real winikin? Is that why you never cared as much about me… because you didn’t want me in the first place?”

Her eyes were dry, her chest hollow, because none of it was news. She’d thought it all before, though never said it aloud. And for a moment it seemed like she still hadn’t, because she got zero response.

Her father kept working, methodically washing and rinsing the last glass and then setting it in the drainer. He turned off the water and wiped his hands on the towel he’d tucked at his waist. And then—and only then—he turned to face her.

She wasn’t sure what she had been hoping to see in his expression—grief, perhaps, or guilt. Maybe the hint of a tear… some acknowledgment that he’d been a shitty dad. What she got was… nothing. There was no guilt, no anger, no nothing but the face of a man who thought himself blameless in this mess. “I did my duty by both you and Sven.”

“Your duty according to the writs, you mean.”

“Of course.” For a second she thought she saw something in his eyes, as if maybe he wasn’t as sure as he seemed, but needed to cling to that certainty rather than admit there might have been other ways to go. But when she looked again, it was gone.

Anger bubbled up from some inner store she hadn’t even been aware of keeping deep inside. “Was it your duty to force the marks on me without any explanation, never mind training?”

Impatience flashed. “I did what needed to be done.”

“You needed Sven and used me to get him.”

“The Nightkeepers are the keys to this war. Not us.”

He was so sure of it, so immovable. Pressure vised her chest, making it hard to breathe. “You could have told me what was going on. You could have asked. That would have taken what? Five minutes? Ten?”

“Would you have agreed to try it?”

She had asked herself that more than once. “Yeah. I would have.” But she would have known what was going on, what to expect… and how little of that expectation to put on him.

“Well, then.”

“That’s not the point. The point is… Shit.” It didn’t matter, really, did it? He wasn’t going to apologize or change and she didn’t need him to do either. She was doing fine without him. “Thank the gods you married Mom. You got that one right, at least.”

There it was again—that nanosecond flash of emotion. But then he squared his shoulders. “Is that what you came to tell me?”

“No, I… no.” She exhaled, trying to push past the pressure in her throat that said she’d been hoping for more without even realizing it. Which was dumb, because she damn well knew better.

She and Carlos might have gotten closer in the years after her mom died, when they’d had only each other left, but all that had changed when the barrier reactivated and Jox called the Nightkeepers home, and any sense of family loyalty her father had picked up in the outside world had disappeared. Whatever warmth might have remained between them after that had been dealt a death blow when she left Skywatch, and then slaughtered utterly when she returned, took over the winikin, and refused to force the rebels into the traditional mold. He hadn’t been able to deal with that, hadn’t even tried.

Doesn’t matter, she told herself. What mattered was that she needed to stop wishing things were different and just work with what she had. Neither of them would change, and both of them thought they were right. In that sense, they were both doing the best jobs they knew how under the circumstances.

It sucked, but she needed to find a way to work with it. And she didn’t have much time.

Taking a deep breath, she said, “Fine. Here’s the deal. I’m calling a meeting to announce that Zane and Lora are gone—and why—and that Sven is stepping in as my coleader.”

“You’ll lose the winikin.” He said it flatly, as if it were a foregone conclusion.

“Not if I have the support of some key people.”

“And I’m one of them.”

“I have JT and Natalie on board. They’ll help sway the more moderate rebels. If you stand up for me, the older generation will follow.” She hoped.

“They’ll think it’s only because I’m your father.”

She smiled with zero humor. “Bullshit.”

He scowled, but relented slightly with, “You’ll want to tell them what happened with Zane, and about the cave and your mark, and everything that happened yesterday too. There are rumors flying like a bitch, and they’ll get you in more trouble than the truth.”

“I know. I’m going to lay it all out there. If they know what’s going on, they’ll make the right choice, especially if I’ve got the support of people they trust.” Fingers crossed. “So… can I count on you to back me up on this one?”