N. Walters - Finding Chrissten

She wanted to smile in return but was too nervous. This was it. Time to lay all the cards on the table.

Hank wanted to scoop Chrissten into his arms and run away with her. Damn brother of hers was doing his best to keep them apart. Not that Hank could blame him. If Chrissten were his sister he’d probably be doing the exact same thing.

Scratch that. He wouldn’t have shown as much restraint. He’d probably take the guy out back and given him a beating for sleeping with his sister so soon after her ordeal.

He hadn’t forced Chrissten or pressured her to do anything, but Quinn might not see it that way. Hank would bet his favorite rifle on it.

They walked up the stairs and into Hank’s apartment. It was spartan and brown, not inviting at all. He’d never noticed that before. All he needed was a place to lay his head at night and store his stuff. Looking at it from Chrissten’s point of view it was pretty grim.

He could fix that. She could do anything she wanted to the place. He didn’t care if she painted all the walls pink and covered the furniture in flower prints. Not as long as it made her happy. That’s assuming he could get her to stay, which wasn’t likely. Not with Quinn wanting to get out of town.

Not that he could blame the guy. Chicago held a lot of bad memories for both him and Chrissten. So it looked like he was leaving.

There was a soft, welcoming bed only a few steps away, but he stopped in the living room, which contained a battered brown leather sofa and a flat-screen television. A thrift store coffee table and pole lamp completed the room.

It screamed man cave.

He released her hand and wandered over to the window and stared out at the city. He’d miss it when they left. Chicago had become home to him. It was the place where he’d first truly discovered himself and made a life, a home with people who understood him.

He turned and found her standing just inside the doorway where he’d left her, arms crossed over her chest. She looked tired and he had to resist the urge to take her to bed so she could rest.

“I’ll be ready to leave when you are.” He wanted her to understand she wasn’t leaving town without him. “I’m not going to pressure you, but I’m not leaving you vulnerable to attacks from other rogues. Not again.”

“I’m not your problem,” she countered. Her arms fell to her sides and she began to pace across the room.

He tracked her with his eyes. She had such long legs, perfect for wrapping around his thighs when he made love to her. There was so much strength in her even though she was still too damn thin.

“Thank you for rescuing me. Again. But you have your own life.” Chrissten kept pacing, her strides getting faster and faster.

“My place is with you.” Shit, none of this was coming out like he’d imagined it would. He wanted to woo her with the right words, but he didn’t have them. He wasn’t a talker. He was a man who took action.

“Why?” She speared him with her glare. “Tell me why.”

He dragged a hand over his scalp, feeling the brush of his short hair. He cupped the back of his neck and huffed out a sigh, trying to order his thoughts. “From the first moment I heard about you from Quinn, something about the way he talked about you caught my attention. Then I caught your scent in the first location.”

“My pillow.” Her voice was soft and unsteady. She stopped pacing and sank down on the arm of the sofa.

“Yes, your pillow.” The one that was currently on the top shelf of his closet. “I felt something in here.” He touched his heart. “I can’t explain it. I only knew I had to find you.”

“And I’m grateful for that.”

“Fuck.” He went to her and sank down onto his haunches in front of her. “I don’t want your gratitude. What I want is a chance. I know you’ve been through a huge trauma. You were kidnapped, beaten and worse. You just got rid of a mate you didn’t want. I know you have to figure out your life and deal with a lot of stuff. But I want to help you. I want to be there when you’re ready to think about letting another male in your life.”

She gave him a wry smile. “We’ve had sex together, Hank. I think you’re already in my life.”

He gripped her leg and gave it a light squeeze. “As much as I love the sex, baby, I want more than that.”

Her leg muscles tensed beneath his palm. She was practically vibrating with anxiety. “What? What do you want?”

He took both her hands in his. They were large hands for a woman, but still feminine and slender. She’d tried to protect him from Brian. Had put her life in danger for him. Such strength was to be admired. But if she ever did something that crazy again he’d, he’d… Crap, there wasn’t much he could do. He knew he’d never lay a hand on her in anger.

“I want to be the one you turn to in the middle of the night, the man you talk to about everything that’s on your mind, the one you wake up beside every morning. I have no idea how long our lifespan will be because we’re half-breeds, not pureblooded werewolves. Whatever time we have, whether it’s fifty years or four hundred years, I want to spend it together.”

He brought her hands to his lips and kissed her palms. Her skin was warm and fragrant with the flowery perfume of her soap. Her wrists were free of bandages, the skin almost totally healed. He kissed the faint scars one by one.

He wouldn’t be happy until they faded away, like the memory of her ordeal. He knew it wouldn’t be easy, that she would always carry the mental and emotional scars of her abduction, but he wanted to heal them as much as they could be, to give her new memories to replace the old ones.

“I recognized you the moment I first saw you—your spirit, your beauty, your soul. You were meant to be mine, Chrissten. My mate. I know it’s too soon to talk of such things, but I’ll wait. I don’t care how long it takes. All I want is a chance.”

His gut clenched. What if she didn’t want any reminders of her ordeal? What if she wanted a fresh start, which included leaving him behind? He’d have to be man enough to give her what she needed even if it might kill him in the process.

“Whatever you decide,” he added when she remained silent. “I know I said I’d follow you, but I won’t if you really don’t want me to. I won’t like it, but I’ll do it. The last thing I want to do is frighten you or make you uncomfortable. But, baby, I’ll be here waiting for you if you change your mind.” This pledge was torn from his lips. He was making the ultimate sacrifice for her. The thought of not being with Chrissten was tearing him apart inside. His heart squeezed tight and his eyes burned.

“Oh, Hank.”

He couldn’t tell if that was a good “Oh, Hank” or a bad one. He shrugged. “You’re the one for me, Chrissten. I could lie or try to put it in pretty words, but that’s not me. I’m a soldier, a blunt man who is more comfortable doing things than talking about them.”

“You’re doing fine,” she assured him.

He gave a bark of laughter. “I feel like an idiot. I sound more like a potential stalker than a potential mate.” He stood and released her hands. It felt like he was chopping off one of his own limbs.

“I tend to be possessive of those I care about. I’d probably drive you nuts making sure you eat right and get enough rest. I like to be in control. I guess it’s because I felt so out of control in the early part of my life.”

He had to get out of here before he really started to beg. Pride didn’t matter. Not with Chrissten. But he didn’t want to pressure her either. “I’ll get out of the way and let you think about things.” He started for the door. Each step was like a silver spike in his heart. It was killing him to walk away from her.