N. Walters - Finding Chrissten

“You’re always welcome, little brother.”

He grinned and joined them. Quinn snaked out his arm and dragged him into the hug. Chrissten inhaled, soaking in the scent and the feel of her brothers. This was family. This was everything.

Yet, something was missing.

Hank.

Her soul yearned for him to be here with them. Then her family would be complete. She shoved that thought aside. She didn’t know what Hank thought about her or her situation. Not really. Sure, he was sweet and nice to her in the middle of the night. But how much of that was real and how much of it was his gallant nature and his desire to simply help her heal.

Her wolf howled, distressed by her thoughts.

Quinn, sensing the shift in her, eased back. “Everything okay?”

She swiped at her eyes, peeved at the show of emotion. “You’re asking me that a lot these days.”

“Cut me some slack. I’ll probably ask it a hundred more times in the next few days.”

Chrissten gave a snort of laughter. “I’ll do my best not to smack you.” Their easy banter brought back memories of better times. God willing, they’d build more happy memories in the future.

She gave Craig a final hug and then began to roll up her sleeves. “I’m going to start loading dishes into the dishwasher and scrubbing pots. You’re welcome to join me if you want.”

As she suspected they would, both her brothers stared at her in mock horror.

“I’ve got some stuff to do on the computer. Yeah, stuff.” Craig kissed her cheek and hurried out of the kitchen.

Quinn sidled toward the door. “I hear Bethany calling me.”

“Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out,” she taunted. He smiled at her and blew her a kiss.

Feeling more light-hearted than she had in a long, long time, she opened the dishwasher and began to load the plates. She was humming under her breath when the door opened again.

She straightened and turned to face Hank. She’d been half-expecting him.

He carried a tray of glasses and mugs over to the counter and set it down. Neither of them spoke. He reached out and brushed a stray hair from her cheek. Chrissten closed her eyes, savoring the tender gesture.

Warm breath brushed her face just before soft lips met hers. Oh, yes. This was what she’d been waiting for, what every cell in her body yearned for.

His tongue teased the seam of her lips and she parted them, inviting him in. He groaned and slid his tongue against hers.

Hank confused her. She wanted to be independent, had to stand on her own two feet and face Brian, her mate. There was no place in her life for Hank. Not now and maybe not ever. It was one thing to kiss him, another thing all together to consider actually having sex with him. She wasn’t sure she would ever trust another male that far.

Yes, she’d trusted him enough to let him touch her, but it was a very big step from that to actual intercourse.

Hank eased back. “You’re thinking too much.”

She gave a broken laugh. “I can’t help it. I have a lot to think about.”

“I know.” He kissed her again. “I’m here for you if you want to talk.”

“I wasn’t sure.” She chewed on her bottom lip, wishing she’d kept her mouth shut. Hank raised a brow in question, waiting for her to explain. “When you came downstairs this morning.” She shrugged. “You seemed. I don’t know. Distant. Uninterested.”

Something dark and deadly flared in his eyes. “Not that. Never that. It’s just if I look at you the way I want to around the others they’ll know how I feel about you. I didn’t think you’d want that made public just now. Personally, I don’t care who knows I want you.”

What he was saying made perfect sense. Her brothers would probably go ballistic. And she wasn’t certain how the others would react. She was actually mated to another wolf. They would probably try to discourage Hank, and that’s assuming they didn’t show her and her family the door right away. Hank was a real member of this pack. She and her family were temporary guests. She had to remember that.

She also needed their help and good will in order to find Brian. “You’re right,” she conceded. “It’s probably for the best.”

He nodded but didn’t look any happier than she felt. God, her life was a mess.

Dishes. That’s all she could do right now. One task at a time. One minute at a time. It was how she’d gotten through the nightmare of the last eighteen months. It would get her through the next few weeks.

If she were still alive when the dust settled, then she’d worry about what came next.

Hank stepped away from her a second before the door swung open and Teague and Neema came in, each carrying a load of dishes and trays. Chrissten smiled at them both and went back to loading the dishwasher.

Later that afternoon, Chrissten lay on the bed upstairs listening to the sounds of the city outside her window. In spite of her determination to help in the bar and work in the kitchen, she’d tired easily and had been forced to retreat for a nap after lunch. At least she’d managed to miss her father’s visit. Or at least postponed it. She’d heard him arrive just as she’d started up the stairs to the apartment. Thankfully, Quinn or someone had kept him away. He’d probably be there when she went downstairs but, for now, she was alone with her thoughts.

She turned onto her side and stared toward the window. From this angle, she could see the tops of some buildings and a thick swatch of gray sky. It matched her mood. Gray. She sighed and traced her index finger over the top of the comforter, making an abstract pattern.

Frustration ate at her. She wasn’t strong enough to fight Brian, not yet. But the continued weakness in her body was making her crazy. She knew she should be thankful just to be alive. And she was. No doubt about it. But she wanted the final confrontation over and done with. Until it was, her life was in limbo.

“You need to see if you can still shift,” she murmured. She was half-afraid she might discover she’d lost the ability to do so. Back in the final weeks of her captivity, she’d tried over and over to make the shift into her wolf but had been too weak to accomplish it. It had been like losing a vital piece of herself. The terror, the debilitating sense of loss, of anger, had weakened her further as she’d kept trying over and over until she’d finally had to admit defeat.

There was no time like the present. For the first time since she was brought here, she was alone. Kevin had just gone downstairs moments ago and Chrissten expected his replacement any minute. The lack of privacy was maddening. Yes, she appreciated the security and protection. She understood why they felt the need for it. But that didn’t make it any easier. She couldn’t think or plan, not with someone always with her, watching and gauging her moods.

Chrissten rolled out of bed and unbuttoned the nightgown she’d changed into before she’d settled in for her nap. She gave her shoulders a shrug and the fabric slipped down her arms and over her body to pool at her feet. She stepped out, took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

Her wolf was waiting for her and gave an encouraging chuff. Chrissten reached for that part of herself. There really was no separation between them. They were two sides of the same coin. Her human side and her wolf side were both essential to her. She knew in her heart she couldn’t survive without her wolf.

A bead of sweat formed on her forehead and slid down her temple. She concentrated, shutting out everything else, all other distractions. She had to do this.

She pictured the wolf as clearly as she could. The strong, compact body. The light brown fur streaked with blonde patches. The blue eyes. Her eyes.