Guy Adams - The Clown Service

‘The countdown,’ said Jamie. ‘We can’t have been here that long.’

‘To hell with the countdown,’ said Krishnin, still lying on the floor. ‘I’m not an idiot. I was ready, so I sent the signal. There was always a chance something could go wrong. Shining might have told someone. He might have known more than he was letting on, even after I had been so… encouraging . Who waits for countdowns? It was an automatic system that would have kicked in if something had happened to me… Not that anything can happen to me that hasn’t already. I am dead. Lingering consciousness infesting old meat.’

I heard the words but they didn’t register. Like water hitting a fire, they flared into steam. We had failed. I had failed. Again. Over and over again.

‘What are we going to do?’ Jamie asked. I think he was asking me. As if I could possibly know.

And then I did.

‘Why haven’t you just vanished?’ I said to Krishnin.

‘Why should I? I’m enjoying the moment. Besides… what does it matter now? I think I’m better off here than in the real London right now, don’t you think? I don’t know how many hours have passed there – it’s always so difficult to tell. But either my little army is already leaving its mark on your country or they’re clawing their way up through the earth to do so. There’s nothing you’ve got that can stop all of them. Break one apart and another will take its place. Death only comes once. I’m the proof of that.’

‘Yes,’ I said, standing over him. ‘And maybe that’s something you should have thought about. We’re going back there. All three of us.’

‘You’re giving me orders? How British of you. I don’t think I have to do a thing I don’t want to.’

‘I can make you.’

‘Really? How? Are you going to threaten to kill me?’ He laughed at that.

‘No. I’m going to threaten not to.’

He stared at me, not understanding. I looked at Jamie and saw the same look of confusion.

‘You said it yourself. You can only die once. Sünner’s drug is a permanent solution. Did you ever think that might be a problem?’

‘The opposite, surely?’

I leaned down, pressed the barrel of the gun next to his left knee and fired. The recoil knocked the gun from my hand but that didn’t matter. I focused, then picked it up again.

Jamie was panicking, hands to his face. Krishnin was staring at me. Those dead eyes of his would probably show fear if they could.

‘The Beretta 92FS,’ I said, ‘a popular military weapon. Nine millimetre cartridge, not much in the way of stopping power, but when you have fifteen in the magazine you can afford to fling them around a little.’

I looked at Krishnin’s knee. While the entry wound was small, the impact had done its work; the knee was shattered. I pushed at his lower leg with my foot. Even with my lack of solidity it pivoted quite freely.

‘I don’t think you’ll be using that leg ever again,’ I said. I aimed the pistol at his hand and fired again, taking out all four fingers and leaving congealed, useless stumps. The gun had jumped free of my grip again; there was no way my aim would be up to much over long distances, not with my inability to hold it firmly. That was fine. I planned on using the gun for surgery not target practice.

‘What are you doing?’ asked Jamie, his voice terrified.

‘I’m proving a point.’ I said, turning back to Krishnin. ‘If I can’t kill you like this – ever – then how do you think existence is going to be after I’ve really gone to town on you? What if I just cut those legs right off? The arms too? Or maybe I just set fire to you and we can all sit around and watch you pop and hiss for a while. You just became the easiest man in the world to torture. Normally, however bad it gets, you know that you’re going to be able to pass out. Or die. But I can make you nothing. A burned stump. A fucking soup of a man. Still alive. Still aware. Forever. Or…’

‘Or?’ Krishnin had lost his bravado now. While his doll-like face might not be able to show the emotion inside, I knew I had his attention.

‘Or I can actually end it for you. That’s my offer. That’s the reward I have at my disposal. I can make you cease to be. Sound attractive?’

‘I don’t believe you.’

‘Right now you don’t have much to lose do you? Do as I tell you. Do exactly as I tell you and I’ll keep my promise. Fuck me around and I’ll just start whittling bits off you.’

‘And what’s to stop me just traveling?’ he asked. ‘I could leave you two here at a moment’s thought.’

‘Yes, you could,’ I agreed, and shot him in the other knee. ‘But you’d have a real job dragging yourself out of the warehouse, the other warehouse, the real one, before we came chasing after you. And if you make us do that, the deal’s off. So think about it very carefully.’

‘But he’s already triggered the signal,’ said Jamie. ‘What’s the point? He’s already won!’

‘Then he won’t mind doing as he’s told for a bit will he?’ I said. ‘We’re all going back together.’

I soon had cause to regret having shot the bastard in the legs. Given how difficult it was for Jamie and me to interact with physical objects, it was perhaps foolish to have created a big one that needed dragging around. Yet, as annoying as it was, I couldn’t help relishing my little eruption of violence. I hated that man more than I have ever hated anyone. I enjoyed what I did to him. Sorry. Be disgusted at me if you want. Frankly I don’t care.

We found a sack truck Krishnin had used to transport his equipment – that at least made the work a little easier. We rolled him down the stairs, strapped him on, and between us managed to push him out of the warehouse.

There was still no sign of the creatures that had been loitering outside when we arrived. Whatever had drawn them off was still doing its job.

‘It feels wrong,’ said Jamie as we wheeled our way back towards the van, ‘just leaving Tim there.’

‘Shining,’ I said, ‘his name was August Shining. And it doesn’t matter now. He’s dead.’

I was just about keeping it together, partly for Jamie’s sake, partly because I was focusing the anger and panic on keeping myself moving. Still, as we made our way along that surreal, twisted version of Shad Thames I felt The Fear bubbling away inside me. It had fed well. My earlier failures, the stains on my personnel file that had seen me relegated to this section in the first place, faded away to nothing. They had dumped me here because they thought I couldn’t do any more harm. I had managed to prove them wrong. The operation was a bust, Shining was dead and Krishnin’s plan had come to pass. I failed to see how I could fuck up any more than I had already.

‘Wait.’ Jamie stopped and the sack truck pulled free of his grip.

I looked ahead. To our right was the large building whose glass front had been stretched sky high, and reflected in it was a sea of movement. The creatures, the Ghost Population, were on the move, just around the corner and coming right for us.

As we watched a figure suddenly appeared, hurtling into the street. This must have been what had attracted them in the first place, this was what they wanted: Tamar.

She saw us and the look of fear on her face intensified. ‘They are behind!’ she shouted, ‘they are…’

They are coming , I thought. And we didn’t stand a chance of stopping them.

‘If we don’t move,’ said Jamie, ‘they might pass us by. It’s her and Krishnin, they’re real. They’re drawing them. We have to move back. Be still. Hope they don’t notice us.’

And what about Tamar? One more failure? One more victim? One more person I couldn’t help? The thought of that curdled inside me. The Fear, only barely held back through all of this, began to burst out.