Diana Rowland - How the White Trash Zombie Got Her Groove Back

“Got it.” I turned on the phone then started scrolling through Gentry’s contacts, somewhat surprised that there were only a dozen or so and none for Nicole Saber. I opened my mouth to ask Andrew for his mother’s number, then closed it as I saw a contact with the name CEOILF.

CEO I’d Like to Fuck? No way.

I quickly checked the text messages between Gentry and CEOILF. “Ohhhhhh myyyyyyy goddddddddddd!”

Pierce turned sharply, in the process of lifting the still unconscious Brian. “What? What’s wrong?”

“Dude! You were banging Nicole!”

Andrew jerked in shock. “ What? ”

Pierce almost dropped Brian back into the bin, denial in his eyes before he remembered he had to play Gentry in front of Andrew. He nodded once, tense. “Right. More info that way,” he said, improvising quickly. “And she was hot for it.”

Grinning, I skimmed through the texts, then checked Gentry’s pics on a whim. “Oh, dude! Pics and all! In the front lobby?” I looked back up at Pierce. “You animal!”

“Just doing my job.” He gave me an exasperated glare that Andrew couldn’t see and continued to search Brian for the syringes. Andrew simply looked horrified.

I was more than happy to twist this particular knife, especially since the taunting was a healthier way to channel my anger and fear than, say, punching him in the nose. “Oh, snap! A crotch shot!” I crowed to Andrew. “You came out of there!” His mouth worked soundlessly, flush deepening to crimson.

“Angel,” Pierce growled softly.

“Oh, right. The call. Sorry.” I’d give Pierce shit later about how his persona’s penis had been in Nicole Saber.

I returned to the contact list and dialed her number. Time to channel some more stress and worry into a bit of trash-talking. Luckily, I was damn good at that sort of thing.

She picked up on the second ring. “Pierce. You fucking asshole. What the hell is going on?”

Sounded like she’d heard the news Gentry had switched sides, and was appropriately freaked that her loverboy had duped her. Good. As much as I wanted to fuck with Andrew for not opposing the shit Kyle and Marcus went through, I wanted Nicole to fucking suffer for being responsible for it in the first place. “Nikki, darling!” I trilled. “It’s been so long, sweetie. We have got to get together for coffee someday soon!” I began to gloat about the naughty pics, then stopped. I’d save those for a special occasion.

“Crawford.” She snarled my name, managing to pack disdain and disgust into the one word. “What do you want?”

“Ooh! A pony? I’ve always wanted a pony!” I gushed, getting into the spirit of it. “Or, if I can’t have that, then maybe you can clear a passage for us, and in return I won’t eat your darlin’ son’s brain.” I covered the mouthpiece and spoke in a stage whisper to Andrew, “Don’t worry, I won’t eat your brain.” I paused and grinned. “I’ll let Kyle eat it!”

He glared but cast a fear-filled glance toward the bin. His bitten ear still trickled blood down the side of his neck.

Nicole remained quiet for a moment. “Agreed,” she finally said with icy calm. “Bring him up, and we’ll escort you out.”

“What about my pony?” I asked brightly. Since she had zero reason to believe otherwise, Nicole surely assumed that Gentry-the-traitor was human. She thought she was dealing “only” with zombie-me and human-Gentry. Not to mention, she figured we’d be dragging butt as we wrangled a bunch of out-of-commission zombies.

“You’ll have to wait on that one,” she replied, voice still cool though a bit stiff.

“Darn it! Santa says the same thing.” I heaved a tragic sigh. “Thing is, Nikki, honey, I don’t have a lot of faith that you’re really going to let us out of here.”

Pierce straightened with what looked like a slim waist pack in his hand, then got all three zombies arranged in the bin as comfortably as possible before he closed the lid.

“I can’t afford to lose Andrew,” Nicole replied, loading her voice with resignation and a touch of anger. “I’ll play your game.”

She was a good manipulator, but I had her pegged. I covered the mouthpiece again. “Hey, Andy, she says she can’t afford to lose you. Am I correct in assuming she’s full of shit?”

He lifted his eyes to mine, and I saw behind his wall of arrogance, to the pain and despair that came with being a pawn in a brutal game. Welcome to the fucking club, I thought.

“She can’t afford to lose me,” he said. “But right now she can’t afford to lose you people even more.” He let out a shaky breath, eyes bleak. “She’d rather win with me dead than lose with me alive.”

In that moment I actually felt a glimmer of sympathy toward him. To survive, he had no choice but to accept enemies as allies.

“Sorry, dude,” I said quietly, meaning it. I uncovered the phone. “Hey, Nikki, honey, about this whole playing-my-game thing. See, I think you’re chock full of shit. And Botox too.”

“You little piece of worthless trash,” she hissed. “Bring Andrew up, and you go free. Otherwise, you’ll force me to take radical action.”

“Hey, can my pony be white with brown spots?” I asked, but she’d already hung up on me. I tsked. “Jeez, rude much?”

“Angel, I have the mods,” Pierce said.

I closed the phone and stuffed it into a pocket. “Cool. You need me to help you inject them?”

He shook his head. “I can’t use them. They’re not designed for my . . .mature physiology.” He lifted the waist pack he’d pulled from Brian. “But you can.”

I blinked stupidly at him. “I don’t have a port.”

“There weren’t any ports when we first began using mods,” he told me. “It’ll be a raw surge, and it won’t last as long, but it will work.”

“But . . .” I gulped. “I’m not a trained soldier operative martial artist ninja. I’m a scrawny lightweight. What the hell will this SuperMod do for me? Make me snarkier?”

A thud from the top of the elevator pulled our attention. Scowling, I jumped atop the bin, reached up and banged my fist on the emergency hatch. “BACK OFF, ASSHOLE,” I yelled. “I’M HUNGRY, AND YOU’RE ABOUT TO BE MY HAPPY MEAL!”

Silence reigned. Satisfied, I jumped back off the bin and returned to where Pierce regarded me with a bemused look on his face. “Okay, fine, so I get turbocharged. How does this work without a port? Do I eat it?”

“Stomach acid would destroy it,” Pierce said. “For maximum effectiveness, it needs to be injected directly into the abdominal cavity.” He pulled a folding knife and flicked it open. “It’s similar to what you did to yourself when you stored brain reserves in your abdomen.”

“Great,” I said with a grimace. When my dad had been taken hostage I’d traded myself for him, but my ace in the hole had been brains packed in sausage casings and stuffed into my gut. “That shit was loads of fun.”

“It will be a much smaller cut,” he promised.

“You’re giving me this mod so I can take out any guards we run into, right?” Take out . Nicer and easier way to say kill . A shiver crawled through me.

His eyes met mine. “Yes,” he said with an evenness that told me he understood my angst and didn’t find it odd or misplaced. “War isn’t pretty. Ever. Nicole Saber has declared war on our kind and will move heaven and earth to keep us from making good our escape. Her Special Security Team will be well armed and, with only two of us functional, we’ll need as much speed and strength as possible.”

“Wouldn’t using guns be better than jumping their asses?”

“Guns have their place,” he said, “but in some situations, especially close quarters, we waste our zombie edge if we stand off and shoot. We can take damage humans can’t, which gives us a psychological advantage when we’re in their face, kicking ass despite their weapons.”