Jeaniene Frost - The Beautiful Ashes

“All I think about is you. Every day, every minute...you,” he muttered hotly.

I was so lost in sensation, the words barely penetrated, especially when his mouth slanted over mine with carnal hunger. Before, my hands had been trapped against his chest, but I forced them free, gripping his head while I kissed him back. His mouth was addictive, and the sinuous flicks of his tongue had me arching against him in wordless, primal need. Desperate to feel him the way I’d secretly fantasized, my hands left his head to slide down his body. Our cramped space limited my exploration to his shoulders, arms and sides, but I wanted to touch him so badly, I didn’t care. Muscles bunched and flexed as he reacted to the feel of my hands on him. His body was so hard, but his skin was sleek and smooth, as if someone had stretched heavy silk over stone. Touching him while he kissed me made my mind reel from desire, and when my hand grazed his taut, flat stomach, a tremor went through his whole body.

He broke our kiss to pull my pajama top over my head, groaning as he flung it aside.

“You’re so beautiful, Ivy.”

His hands on my bare breasts ripped a cry from me. My skin felt too tight, too sensitive, and when his mouth closed over a nipple, the pleasure was so intense, it was almost painful. I gripped his head without thinking, my gasps turning into groans that caused him to hold me tighter. His mouth was a brand that seared those unbelievable sensations all through me, making my whole body feel fevered. Every part of me ached for him, but when his hand slipped inside my pajama pants, I couldn’t stop myself from tensing even as I cried out at the jolt of pleasure.

His mouth immediately left my breast and his large hand slid up to thread through my hair instead.

“What’s wrong?”

Adrian’s eyes were darker with passion, making their silver rims more startling, but it was the barely leashed wildness they contained that caused the words to stick in my throat.

“I, ahem... Before we... Ah, I need to tell you something.”

I could actually see the moment he guessed what I was having trouble articulating. His eyes widened, and his hands ceased the sensual way they’d been running through my hair.

“You’ve never had sex before.”

A statement, not a question. I still had on my pajama pants, but suddenly, I’d never felt more exposed. My arms crossed over my chest, and for the first time, I was glad I didn’t have D-cups because they covered everything.

“Yeah,” I mumbled. “Sorry.”

“Don’t.” Adrian’s sigh was ragged. “Don’t ever apologize for being who you are. You’re perfect, and I’m the one who’s sorry. Touching you made me forget all the reasons why I have to stay away from you.”

That was the last thing I wanted to hear. Frustration rose, covering my previous embarrassment. Was I supposed to go back to pretending that he didn’t consume my thoughts as much as I apparently consumed his? Damn my momentary hesitancy that had ruined this!

“I don’t want you to stay away,” I said. To prove it, I dropped my arms.

His eyes closed while he shuddered as though absorbing a punishing blow.

“Don’t,” he said roughly. “After you find and use that weapon, I have to walk away from you, and I can’t do that if we’re lovers. I can barely do it now, and I need to, Ivy. It’s the only way I can protect you from my fate.”

Before I could say anything else, he flipped us until he was on top of me. Then he punched the window so hard that it shattered. His body shielded mine from the instant rainfall of glass, then he opened his door from the outside and left.

For a few dazed moments, I stayed in the passenger seat, clutching the top Adrian had handed me right before he walked away. He loved this car like it was his baby, yet he’d smashed his own window to get away before he lost control and finished what he’d started.

I didn’t know whether it was the most romantic thing he’d ever done, or the most insulting.

The next day, Zach showed up with his usual style of no warning. I looked up from my book to see him seated in the chair opposite mine, a book in his hands as if he’d been reading, too.

“Adrian!” I called out, not bothering to say hello. “Zach’s finally here!”

“Why do you seem angry with me?” Zach asked, to the accompanying sound of the front door slamming.

“I shouldn’t be upset that you took your time getting back to us when we’re not able to search for the only weapon that can save my sister?”

Frustration over more than that scalded my tone. Zach didn’t get a chance to respond before Adrian came into the room. No surprise, he’d been outside all day. At least he’d given himself a reason to work on his car instead of just pretending to. As for me, I’d been pretending to read so it wasn’t obvious that I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about what we’d almost done in that shiny black Challenger.

“What the fuck, man?” Adrian asked, summing up his feelings more succinctly than I had.

Zach stood. “I am not a man,” he stated crisply. “Nor am I yours to command or to reprimand.”

Adrian replied with a burst of the exquisite form of Demonish, the sound caressing my ears like a symphony. Instead of being mollified, Zach was more upset.

“How dare you use the tongue of my brethren, mortal!”

“That’s angel-speak?” I asked in surprise.

Adrian threw me a brief glance. “Yes, and I know it because it’s what demons originally derived their language from.” To Zach, he said, “We didn’t have a week to waste waiting for you. You of all people know we’re on a countdown.”

“What countdown?” I piped up, but both men ignored me.

“I needed time to procure your solution,” Zach said, his dark gaze blazing with pinpoints of light. “Did your impatience prevent that from occurring to you, endante? ”

At the foreign word, Adrian looked more pissed than Zach.

“How about texting a cloud version of ‘brb’ then?” Acidly.

I got up, the anger between them starting to concern me. We were dead in the water without Zach, so I had to shove my own feelings aside—again—to smooth this over.

“Zach, you’ve been around forever, but we are mortal. Five days might be nothing to you, but with no word and only unbeatable obstacles to dwell on, it’s been tough on us.”

The Archon glanced my way, his gaze stating that I hadn’t smoothed anything over. Okay, time for rough honesty, then.

“For starters, I barely sleep because I keep wondering if this is all for nothing.” My voice caught. “No matter what Adrian said about the demons not wanting to lose their leverage, Jasmine might already be dead. Sometimes, I even wish she was. Then she wouldn’t be suffering, and I wouldn’t have to enter another realm. Then I hate myself for thinking that, so guilt torments me.”

I paused to draw in a shuddering breath. “Worse, after last night, I know that I want Adrian so bad, I don’t care what happens afterward. Another night alone together and I won’t be able to stop myself from going to him, and no matter how much he thinks he has to, I know he won’t have the strength to turn me away again.”

I made sure to keep staring at Zach as I spoke. If I so much as glanced at Adrian, I wouldn’t have been able to admit such raw, personal truths. Guilt over my sister wore me down on a daily basis, so last night with Adrian had used up the last of my willpower. Since he’d resorted to damaging his beloved Challenger rather than wait for me to open the driver’s side door, his willpower was on empty, too. Another night alone and it would all be over.