Elizabeth Moon - Once a Hero

“Yes, but this is really technical stuff, Lieutenant—what I have on cube is much more basic. The intermediate stuff’s all been checked out—in fact, it’s overdue.”

“I’ll take the basic,” Esmay said. “A good review for me.” She took the cubes, and gave the tech her tapes, to be held for her session. Back in her quarters, she inserted the first cube. An hour later, she was very glad she hadn’t been able to get time on the machines right away. The basic level cube was already past her. She sat back, blinking, and realized she’d have to take it in short doses.

Almost lunchtime. She wasn’t really hungry, but she did feel stiff and stale. What she wanted was exercise. She changed to shorts and padded shoes, and followed the directions (in this case identical) given by the ship’s schematics and Major Pitak’s cube to the junior officers’ workout area.

Aside from being bigger, it was much like the exercise compartments she’d seen on other ships. Rows of machines for exercising this or that group of muscles, enclosed spaces for pair games played on a small court, a large open space with mats for tumbling and unarmed combat practice. Half a dozen or so junior officers occupied various machines, and two were sparring on the mats. She checked the charts. At this time of the cycle, only a few machines were reserved; she could use almost anything. Esmay avoided the riding simulators, and climbed onto something said to simulate cross-country walking on snow. She had no desire to walk on real snow—she had done that—but it was better than pretending to ride horses by sitting on an arrangement of pistons and levers.

She had just begun to work up her heart rate when someone called her name. She looked around. It was one of the ensigns from her table . . . Custis? No, Dettin, the blond with the scrape, now healed.

“I just wondered if you’d talk to our tactics study group about the Xavier affair,” he asked. “Not necessarily your own role, though of course we’d like to hear it, but just how you saw the battle as a whole.”

“I didn’t see the battle as a whole,” Esmay said. “We got there late, as you may have heard.”

“Late?” His brow furrowed. Could he really be this ignorant.

“The ship I was on was captained by a—” it was extraordinarily hard to say “traitor” right out loud to a youngster like this. “Captain Hearne left the Xavier system before the battle,” she said. She didn’t know why she said it that way; she had not cared that much for Captain Hearne. “It was only after the—” mutiny was another hard word to say, but this time she got it out. “Only after the mutiny, when all the officers senior had died, that I took the ship back.”

She did not expect the look on his face, the expression of someone who has just seen impossible dreams fulfilled. “You—that’s like something out of Silver Stars .”

“Silver stars?”

“You know—the adventure game series.”

Shock knocked out her control. “It was nothing like an adventure game!”

He was oblivious. “No, but in the eighth series, when that young lord had to overcome the wicked prince and then lead the ships in battle . . .”

“It’s not a game,” Esmay said firmly, but with less heat. “People get killed for real.”

“I know that,” he said, looking annoyed. “But in the game—”

“I’m sorry,” Esmay said, “I don’t play adventure games.” I only fight wars, she wanted to say, but didn’t.

“But will you talk to our tactics group?”

She thought it over. Perhaps she could make clear the difference between game and reality. “Yes,” she said. “But I’ll have to check my schedule. When do you meet?”

“Every ten days, but we could move the meeting time if you wanted.”

“I’ll check,” Esmay said. “Now—I’ve got to finish my set.” He went away, and she worked until she felt she’d worked off not only the stiffness of study, but the unreasonable anger she’d felt at being compared to a gaming hero. By the time she’d cooled down again, she began to think whether she should have been quite so quick to agree . . . even if she hadn’t agreed to a specific time. Should she talk to a pack of ensigns about the Xavier affair? If she kept her own part to a minimum, and discussed the way Heris Serrano had held off a superior force, surely that could do no harm.

She was trying to think whom to consult, when she remembered that she needed to make an appointment to meet Admiral Dossignal. Now, while she was working her way through the basic level training cubes, would be an ideal time. She contacted Commander Atarin’s clerk, and an hour or so later the message came back that the admiral would see her at 1330. So at 1315, she presented herself at the admiral’s office suite, where Commander Atarin happened to be delivering a pile of cubes.

“How’s Hull and Architecture, Lieutenant?”

“Very interesting, sir. Major Pitak has me taking some courses, since I had no background.”

“Good; she’s very thorough. Has she given you the ship test yet?”

“That came first, sir.”

“Ah.” His eyebrows rose and fell. “Well, you must have passed, or I’d have heard about it. Good for you. How are you getting along in the junior mess? Settling in all right?”

“Fine, sir,” Esmay said.

“This ship’s so big, none of us can get to know everyone. Sometimes people coming in from smaller craft find that very unsettling. If you have any special interests, you might take a look at the recreational group roster. We encourage people to have acquaintances outside their own work sections—even commands.”

“Well, sir, the juniors’ tactics discussion group did ask me to speak on the Xavier action.”

“Oh? Well, that’s not exactly what I had in mind, but it’s a start. And they showed some initiative in asking . . . who was it?”

“Ensign Dettin, sir.”

“Mmm . . . I don’t know Dettin. But I’m sure they’ve all heard something about Xavier, and are curious to know more. I might drop in . . .” Was that a threat, or a warning, or mere interest? “Ah—the admiral’s ready.”

Admiral Dossignal was a tall man with craggy features and big-knuckled hands that fiddled with things on his desk. Despite this, he seemed more relaxed than Captain Hakin, and considerably more welcoming.

“I’ve read the notations your Board made in your file, Lieutenant Suiza . . . and though I can understand their concern about your decisions, I do not share them. I have complete confidence in your loyalty to the Familias Regnant.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“No thanks necessary, Lieutenant. Although we need to smoke out the other traitors we surely have—Garrivay and his cohorts cannot be all of them—we must have trust, or we have no cohesion.” He paused, but Esmay found nothing to say. When he resumed, it was in a different tone, less somber. “I understand you and Major Pitak are getting on well . . . and Commander Seveche?”

“I’ve only met him, sir,” Esmay said. The head of Hull and Architecture had spoken to her only briefly; he had seemed even busier than Major Pitak when she saw him.

“I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but I must say it’s unusual to have a lieutenant assigned here without having gone through one of the advanced technical schools first. You may find it necessary to take some courses . . .”

“I’m already signed up for one, sir.”

“Good. By your record, you’re a quick learner, but heavy maintenance is a lifetime’s study.” He glanced back at his desk display. “I see you’ve had recent home planet leave. How did your family react to all the publicity?”