Randolph Lalonde - Fracture

“Really?” Oz raised an eyebrow.

“Fine, yes, I'm nervous but there's more to it, at least Liam thinks so.”

“He would.”

Jake nodded. “He said it's probably expectations getting in the way. She crossed several quadrants and survived Pandem to be here. I don't agree, I mean you, Jason and Minh did the same thing and even though I can't believe you and Jason left careers behind it doesn't get in the way of us getting on.”

“But things are different with Ayan. You two had torches lit for each other before you met on the First Light. I remember talking about the sparks with Minh in simulations ten years ago.”

“God, has it been that long?”

“Almost. I think Chief Grady's right. Then again, when isn't he? Anyway, the expectations are pretty hefty, she made the trip twice in two different bodies. You watched her die once and from what Laura told me you handled it well. With all due respect to Ayan's first go at life, watching her live is a lot harder. I spent years watching her fall apart and I'm still getting used to seeing her in the flesh. I mean, she looks a little different, but it's Ayan for sure. One of my best mates is back and it's great to see her in fit form but I'm still getting used to it. The only problem I have when I'm talking to her is reminding myself that she doesn't remember the last few years, other than that she's a gift.”

“I know, and she's here, I can't believe it either.”

“And that makes it harder, I get it. Think about what she's going through though. You sacrificed yourself so she and everyone else on the First Light could be free right when things were really starting to get good between you two.”

“That was Jonas.”

“Don't you have all his memories? Do you remember doing it?”

Memories of being submerged in thick stasis fluid, of seeing General Collins and being helpless and determined to find freedom again regardless of the odds ran though Jake's mind. The emotions evoked by the memories were strong. The feeling of being helpless was unforgettable, terrifying, infuriating. Despite all the negative emotions he remembered the satisfaction of knowing that his ship, her crew and Ayan were all safely on their way home, that he had sacrificed his freedom for a reason. He knew the memories and emotions were copies. Jonas Valent had lived through those events, made those decisions and the copy was imprinted perfectly onto him. The distinction was only logical, however. Knowledge of their origin didn't dull the images, didn't rob the emotions of their teeth. “I remember.”

“Then stop making the distinction between you and Jonas and move on. You're the only one who makes it. Look at Ayan, you see her as the one and only, not like some second generation afterthought. We see you the same way; as the one and only Jonas with some time out here and a new name. Laura was even saying the other day that it was hard not to call you Jonas because, even under the serious veneer you keep up she could see the Captain she knew on the First Light. You've had some hard years since we last knew you, but hell, everyone's had years since the First Light. I barely recognized Minh the first time I saw him. I remembered a scrawny, hyper little man, not a long haired, muscled little wise man. It didn't take a body switch for him to change, and in some ways he's grown more than anyone, even you.”

No one had put it that way. As the captain of the Samson he'd always focused on projecting an image of strength, of confidence and that had carried through to Triton. Regardless of what tricks his memory was playing on him, of how Jonas's experiences changed how he thought and felt he maintained that image. Pandem was the hardening, the blending experience he needed to reconcile with the personality of Jonas Valent and who he knew himself to be; Jacob Valance, and it made being that visibly confident, knowledgeable captain figure easier. He wasn't aware that anyone else could see how much had changed beneath the surface or that he could be compared to Ayan, that in some way they had taken the parallel roads. For him taking Jonas' memories on was a force of great change, but to everyone who had known Jonas it was what made him familiar.

Jake sat down on one of the plush sofas and nodded. “When I think back to my time on the Samson it's like everything was cold. The days lasted forever and taking on hunting jobs was just something I had to do while I looked for Alice.”

“The man I saw on holovid didn't look like he hated his job.”

“You're right, some days there was nothing I'd rather do but then, I didn't know who I was really meant to be. When Jonas's memories kicked in everything took on a whole new dimension. By the time we had taken Triton on it was all starting to come back so fast I didn't know what was going on but it was like the difference between seeing the universe in black and white for years then seeing it in colour.”

“Like you discovered you had a soul,” Oz smiled.

Jake pointed a black clad finger at him and nodded. “Exactly. Now it's like I'm back.”

“Like you're finally a real boy,” Minh added from the doorway with a smirk.

“Sneaky monkey,” Oz smiled back.

Minh wore the black, lightly armoured vacsuit assigned to all pilots under a gun belt and old earth style imitation leather bomber jacket. The jacket was armoured, had inertial dampeners and an entire survival kit built in. Thanks to work done by Alice, Minh and ideas taken from Jake's long coat it had become a very practical garment. Without a moment's hesitation he dropped himself into an armchair. “Welcome to the Doctor McPatrick show. Today we're talking about identity crisis and how to talk to women.”

“How long have you been listening in?” Oz laughed.

“Oh, since you didn't notice my comm squawk when I tuned in about fifteen minutes ago. Sounded like you guys were talking through something pretty heavy so I thought I'd just come down.”

“While listening in.”

“How else am I supposed to know what's going on before I walk into a room?” Minh swept his black shoulder length hair out of his face and looked Jake over. Even sitting at ease in an infirmary family room he looked like he was under a hundred pounds of armour. Not stiff, but ready for anything and hard enough to repel direct weapon's fire. He made a show of his inspection, squinting his eyes, shifting in his seat as if to get a better view of different sides until he finally nodded. “You two make it sound so complicated when anyone can see that it's Jacob Valance sitting right there. How could I see anyone else? There he is; older, wiser, a littler gloomier but my old friend was broody and wise too. Questioned the important things just like this one. Yup, it's him,” he shrugged and commented simply as though he was pointing out the most obvious thing in the universe. “Oh and Ayan sees the same thing. She doesn't much know what to say either so you'd better get busy not talking at the same time in the same place.”

Oz glanced at both of them and laughed.

Jake's quizzical expression was disarmed by laughter as well for a moment before he blurted; “What?”

“If you two can't talk to each other, then do something together. She's got the right idea, rebuilding the Samson. It's your ship and she's just falling back on something she knows best; how to build. So you be there when she starts working on it and whatever is meant to happen will happen. I bet you'll be swapping stories before the first day's over.”

“He's right, you know.”

Jake nodded. “I've been avoiding the Samson because I didn't want to see it out of commission. Maybe she has the right idea.”

“She'd probably have some good ideas on improvements,” Minh added.

An expression of mild alarm crossed Jake's face. “Okay now I know I have to be there.”