Руди Рюкер - Master Of Space And Time

"Did you see anyone go by in the last five minutes?" I demanded. "A big strong guy with round shoulders?"

The drunk gestured vaguely at the door to the bar. I braced myself and went inside. There were a few drifters and a lady of the night, but no trace of the man I was looking for.

"What'll it be?" said the bartender, a stocky man with a gray mustache.

"I'm looking for a big guy with round shoulders," I said. "He just came in here a minute ago."

The bartender favored me with a look of contempt. "He's already found his friend for tonight. I think they went to the john. And I'm just trying to run a decent place to drink."

"Thanks," I said, and headed for the men's room. There was a good chance I'd find two men with spine-riders in there. I held my flare ray at the ready.

But the men's room was empty. There was nothing moving except the air that swept through the open bathroom window. I jumped up on the toilet seat and wriggled out. There was an alley back there, an alley leading out to the main drag. I ran out the alley as fast as I could, but I got to the street too late. A gray car with two round-shouldered men in it was just pulling out. I chanced a shot with the flare ray, but a flare ray's not much good on plastics. The car sped off, headed toward the turnpike.

I hurried back to Harry's. Sondra was still on the phone. I yelled the gray car's license number to her and jumped into my Buick.

"Hold on, Fletch, let me come too." It was Harry.

"You. You think it's all a big adventure. Well, it's not, Harry. If you had children you'd understand."

But Harry got in my car anyway. He had a hunting rifle, probably his father's. I floored the gas and sped off after the gray car with the two spine-riders. Was the nightmare ever going to end?

13. Porkchop Bushes and Fritter Trees

The gray car got away. At first I could glimpse it up ahead of us, but then I couldn't find it anymore. We tried the side streets, but the gray car was nowhere to be seen. After a while we heard sirens and saw some cop cars speed past.

"Sondra must have convinced them," Harry observed. "Why don't you just drop me off at my shop, Fletch, and then go on home to Nancy. Leave the chasing to the police."

"They don't realize what they're up against, Harry. Those Gary-brains — they could take over our world."

"Ah, look, tomorrow we'll blunze you with the rest of the gluons and you can fix everything. Don't worry so much."

"Maybe you're right. But listen, I know what it's like to have a spine-rider. It was inside my thoughts.

It's horrible." Another worry occurred to me. "The slug on my back talked to the slug that the taxi driver brought over here. So it might know where I live." I turned a corner and pulled onto Suydam Street. "What'd you think of that odalisque woman on the cushions?"

"She was nice," said Harry. "But she killed Tad. Sondra's much prettier."

"You better hope Sondra doesn't realize she's too neat for you."

"Oh, it won't sink in for a while."

I pulled up in front of Harry's shop and sat there in silence for a minute, trying to sort it all out. Sondra flew out to see what we were doing.

"I called the police," she said, leaning in my window. "But it was hard to know what to tell them."

"So what'd you say?"

"I said the two men were wireheads. I said they had stim-units on their backs and that they'd tried to rob me."

"I hope you told the cops to be real careful. If the Gary-brains take them over, we're really going to be hurting."

"Hey, look, Fletch," said Harry, "if you're so worried, why don't you just get blunzed right now and fix it?"

"No, no. Not now. No more craziness right now. I'm wiped out. If the brains don't spread too fast, it might be good to wait a few days to see if there's any other bad side effects coming up."

"Well, all right. Good night, Fletch. And thanks a lot. This has been a weekend to remember." Harry got out.

"Goodbye, Joe," sang Sondra, hovering next to Harry. "Say hi to Nancy for me."

"Sure thing. Talk to you tomorrow." I kept worrying as I drove back toward Princeton. How much about Harry and me did the invaders know? Wouldn't they want to come kill us as soon as possible? Or at least take us over? I drove faster.

The lights were on in my house, and the front door was unlocked. Serena was sleeping peacefully, the TV was on, but there was no Nancy. Before doing anything else I went to look under our bed — the money was there, stacks and stacks of bills. I stuffed a few thousand dollars in my pants pocket and went back out to the kitchen.

I noticed then that the back door was ajar. I was glad I'd kept Harry's flare ray.

"Nancy?" I called, sticking my head out. "Are you out there?"

"Joe! Come see!" It sounded like her mouth was full.

When I stepped out the back door I smacked into a tree that hadn't been there before. The whole yard seemed to bristle with exotic vegetation — very strange, as this morning we'd had nothing but crabgrass. I got back to my feet and spotted Nancy in a patch of light spilling from our living-room window. She was crouched down by a bush, eating something.

"What are you doing, Nancy? What's that bush?"

"It's a porkchop bush," she said, waving the greasy bone she'd been gnawing. "And there's a fritter tree right next to you! You really came through for world hunger!"

I glanced at the tree I'd bumped into. Sure enough, there were thick bunches of golden fritters hanging from its branches. I picked one and bit into it. The fritter was sweet and crisp on the outside, moist and doughy in the middle. Porkchops and fritters had been Nancy's favorite meal when she'd been growing up in Virginia. No wonder she was out here eating.

"But where did they come from?" I asked.

"I was lying in bed reading when all of a sudden — it was about ten o'clock?"

"Go on."

"All of a sudden a little box popped out of nowhere. I knew that you and Harry were up to something, so I thought it might have jewels or something precious in it. When I opened it, there were just a bunch of seeds. I was in a bad mood, so I threw them out the window and kept reading. But then a few minutes ago I heard leaves rustling and I came out here to see what it was. It's food plants, Joey! It's the solution to world hunger, just like you promised me. You're wonderful!"

"Don't you want to hear about my trip?"

"Just taste one of these porkchops!"

I felt around on the porkchop bush till I found something fat. I snapped it off at the stem, a perfect little porkchop, grilled to a turn. I got myself another fritter and filled my stomach. Each fritter had a seed like a cherry pit in its center. The porkchops bore their seeds nestled against their bony stems. I pocketed several seeds of each type.

"This really is good, Nancy. And they grew in just two hours?" I looked around the yard. There were five or six of the bushes and three of the trees. "I'm glad our trip did some good after all."

"What do you mean?"

I told Nancy about our trip to the looking-glass world, about Gary Herber, and about the parasite that had made it back to Earth. She made me show her the spot where the brain had bitten me, and she said that she hoped I wouldn't have to get blunzed. I agreed — the idea of a big needle in the skull didn't sound too appealing — and told her how I was worried the slugs might come after us tonight.

Just then Serena appeared in the back door. "Wet."

"You wet your bed, honey?"

"Bed wet."

Nancy and I went in, changed Serena, looked at our five million dollars, made sure the front door was locked, then took Serena out back for a fritter. "Taste this, Serena."

"Yes," urged Nancy. "Mommy used to like them when she was little."

Serena bit, chewed, swallowed, and approved. "More."