Marissa Meyer - Cress

“What? How?”

“Your guardian may have said something about it. And I … I’ve seen your medical records.”

“My—” Her eyes widened. “You’ve seen … you know…?”

“You were a fugitive and I needed to know more about you and I … I’m sorry.”

She squeezed her eyes shut. She’d seen the diagram of her cyborg implants. Every wire. Every synthetic organ. Every manufactured panel. Thinking about it made her feel nauseous. She couldn’t imagine what someone else would think when they saw it. What Kai must have thought.

“No, it’s all right,” she said. “No more secrets.”

He took a step toward her. “Your eyes … are they really…?”

“Synthetic,” she murmured, when he couldn’t say the word himself.

“And that’s why you can’t cry?”

She nodded, unable to look up at him, even as he came to stand not two steps in front of her. “I don’t need the tear ducts for lubrication, and they were getting in the way of … um.” She tapped a finger against her temple. “I have a retina scanner and display in my eye. It’s like a really small netscreen, so there’s a lot of wiring. Oh, stars, I can’t believe I’m telling you this.” She buried her face in her hands.

“It’s kind of brilliant,” said Kai.

She nearly choked on her own laugh.

Kai reached for her wrists. “Can I see?”

She groaned, knowing that if she had the ability to blush, her face would be as red as his wedding sash.

Mortified and resigned, she let him pull her hands away and struggled to hold his gaze. He stared into her eyes like he could see through to her control panel, but then, after a moment, he shook his head.

“You’d never even know.”

Trying not to fidget, Cinder raised her eyes to the ceiling, hating herself a little bit for what she was about to do. But what did it matter now? He would never again be fooled into thinking she was human.

“Watch the bottom of my left iris,” she whispered. She turned on the retina display, pulling up a newsfeed she’d been watching before they got to New Beijing—news from the African Union. An anchor was talking, but Cinder didn’t bother to turn on the audio.

Kai dipped his head. It took a moment, but then his lips parted. “There’s … is that…?”

“Newsfeed.”

“It’s so small. Just a dot, really.”

“It looks a lot bigger to me.” A tingle traipsed down her spine at how he was studying her, almost in childish awe, and how he was so close, and how he was still holding her wrists.

He seemed to realize it at the same time. His expression changed suddenly, and she knew he wasn’t looking at the retina display anymore, or even her synthetic eyes. He was looking at her.

Her heart pattered.

Kai licked his lips. “I’m sorry I had you arrested. But I’m glad you’re all right.”

“Really? You don’t hate me for … shooting you?”

His lips twitched and he glanced down. Taking her cyborg hand into both of his, he lifted it between them, eyeing the metal fingers. “I don’t remember that medical diagram saying anything about a gun. My security team probably would have found that to be useful information.”

“I like to maintain an air of mystery.”

“I’ve noticed.”

She watched his thumb trace the length of her fingers, finding it hard to breathe, impossible to move. “The hand is new,” she whispered.

“It appears to be excellent craftsmanship.” His voice, too, had dropped.

“It’s plated with one-hundred percent titanium.” She didn’t know why she said it. Hardly knew what she’d said at all.

Bending his head, Kai pressed his lips to her knuckles. The plating had no nerve endings, and yet the touch sent a tingle of electricity along her arm.

“Cinder?”

“Mm?”

He lifted his gaze. “Just to be clear, you’re not using your mind powers on me right now, are you?”

She blinked. “Of course not.”

“Just checking.”

Then he slid his arms around her waist and kissed her.

Cinder gasped, pressing her palms against his chest. Kai pulled her closer.

Seconds later, her brain began registering all the new chemicals flooding her system. INCREASED LEVELS OF DOPAMINE AND ENDORPHINS, REDUCED AMOUNTS OF CORTISOL, ERRATIC PULSE, RISING BLOOD PRESSURE …

Leaning into him, Cinder sent the messages away. Her hands tentatively made their way to his shoulders, before stringing around his neck.

Then, somewhere in the rush of sensations, Cinder’s attention snagged on the retina display, alone against the darkness of her eyelids. At first, it was only a dim, annoyed awareness. But then—

FARAFRAH.

LUNARS.

MASSACRE.

Her eyes snapped open. She pulled herself away.

Kai started. “Wha—”

“I’m sorry.”

She started to tremble, still focused on the newsfeed.

A moment passed in which she was watching the feed with horror, and then Kai cleared his throat. His voice had gone heavy. “No. No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”

“No!” She grabbed his shirt before he could pull away from her. “It’s not—It’s Levana.”

His expression turned cold.

“She’s … she’s retaliated. She attacked…” Cursing, she tore her hands away from Kai, covering her face while she digested the news. A swarm of Lunar soldiers attacked the oasis town not two hours ago, before disappearing into the desert as fast as they’d come. They murdered both the civilians and the Commonwealth soldiers who had been sent to question them.

Pictures flashed across the scene.

Blood. So much blood.

“Cinder— where? Where did she strike?”

“Africa. The town…” She gulped. “The people that helped us.”

Something snapped in her head. Screaming, Cinder reached for the strip of tools, seized a wrench, and threw it at the far wall. It clattered harmlessly to the floor. She grabbed a screwdriver next, but Kai just as quickly lifted it from her hand.

“Has she put forth any demands?” he said, absurdly calm.

She clenched her empty fists. “I don’t know. I just know they’re all dead. Because of me. Because they helped me. ” She fell into a crouch, covering her head. Her entire body was burning up with fury.

At Levana.

But mostly at herself. At her own decisions.

Because she’d known this would happen. She’d made the choice anyway.

“Cinder.”

“This is my fault.”

A hand settled on her back. “You didn’t kill them.”

“I might as well have.”

“Did they know the risk they were taking when they helped you? The danger they’d be in?”

She turned her head away from him.

“Maybe they did it because they believed in you. Because they thought the risk was worth it.”

“Is this supposed to be helping?”

“Cinder—”

“You want to know another secret? The biggest secret?” She sat, splaying her legs like a broken doll in front of her. “I’m scared, Kai. I’m so scared.” She thought it might feel better, to say the words out loud, but instead they only made her feel pathetic and weak. She wrapped her arms around her waist. “I’m scared of her, and her army, and what she can do. And everyone expects me to be strong and brave, but I don’t know what I’m doing. I have no idea how to overthrow her. And even if I succeed, I have no idea how to be a queen. There are so many people relying on me, people who don’t even know they’re relying on me, and now they’re dying, all because of some ridiculous fantasy that I can help them, that I can save them , but what if I can’t?”

A headache began to throb against her temples, a reminder that she would be crying right now. If she were normal.