Rudy Rucker - The Ware Tetralogy

“What if I want to change what Parvati’s doin’ once the superleech gets started?” asked Randy after a moment’s thought. “Instead of her doin’ the same thing over and over and over.”

“Ah yes,” said Ramanujan. “That could be disastrous. The unstoppable broom of the Sorcerer’s Apprentice. The magic porridge pot that buries the village. The genie that spanks your children to death. Never fear, Randy, the owner can fresh uvvy instructions to the superleech once it is in operation.”

“Copacetic!”

As chance would have it, today was Randy’s twenty-first birthday. He’d told Parvati about it, but she was in one of her moods again and had displayed little interest. It was still two weeks till the next payday. Of course she wasn’t waiting for him outside the fab. He began trudging the half mile to the commuter train station.

In his standard outfit of white pants, white shirt, and wide-brimmed straw hat, Randy stuck out from the crowd, especially with his pale face and beaky nose. He walked with a smooth, nerdly glide, his arms pumping while his head stayed at a constant level. The superleech twitched in his pants pocket.

It was a shame the way Parvati had been treating him lately. It was starting to remind him of the way Honey Weaver had been toward the end. So obviously and totally taking advantage of him. Why did he have to be such a weakling, such a patsy for every bossy woman that came along?

It probably went back to his childhood. To Sue. Sue wasn’t the stablest of women, and it was common for her to flip-flop from cozy mothering to crazed bitchy ranting and back. It was hard always being at the mercy of just one parent. Whenever Randy asked Sue about who his father might be, she would put him off. Maybe if he’d had a father, he wouldn’t have turned out to be so submissive to women.

Thinking about being submissive to women gave Randy a pleasant hard-on, and he passed most of the train ride in idle sex fantasies, helped along by the intimate pulsing of the superleech. Yes, it was high time for Parvati to fuck him again. Suddenly remembering Ramanujan’s instructions, Randy took out the superleech and set it against his uvvy.

“I am superleech type 4, series 1, ID #6,” said a grainy little voice in Randy’s head. The voice gargled raspingly and then announced, “Registration is complete, Randy Karl Tucker. You are my owner, and I am ready to accept your programs.”

Randy waited a bit, but the superleech said nothing more. So Randy went back to thinking about sex. When the train stopped, he took the superleech off his uvvy and put it in his pocket.

As Randy was getting out of the train, a small urgent man elbowed him sharply in the ribs and grabbed his wallet. Randy got hold of the wallet and pulled it free of the pickpocket, only to drop it on the street next to the train car steps. As Randy bent over to pick it up, a fat woman’s wobbly ass farted horribly in his face, and a dacoit’s dirty bare foot stepped on his wrist. The train conductor rang his bell and screamed for Randy to stand clear of the train steps, insultingly calling him a honkie-wallah . The humid air was unbelievably foul; the tropical summer sun felt heavy as a sheet of hot metal; and several rupee notes were missing from Randy’s wallet.

But the superleech was still in his pocket. He wiped the sweat off his brow and threaded his way through the crowded streets, calming himself with the sight of his favorite sadhus. The stone stairwell of the Tipu Bharat was cool and shady. As he walked up the steps, Randy’s heart rose again. He was about to see his sexy Parvati. And she would act just like he wanted !

In his boyish heart of hearts, Randy had been hoping for a surprise birthday party, but Parvati was doing nothing more than tensely sitting on a kitchen chair.

“Hey there, li’l stinker,” said Randy affectionately. “Here’s your birthday boy! How ‘bout a hug?”

Parvati grudgingly allowed herself to be gathered into Randy’s arms. As he squeezed her tight, she finally spoke.

“I’ve been waiting for you to get home, Randy. There’s something I have to tell you.”

“And I got something to tell you ,” said Randy. “Ramanujan and me finally got those new leech-DIMs working. Lookee here, I brought one home.” He drew the writhing superleech out of his pocket and set it down on the kitchen table. “Let’s give her a try! Lord knows I wouldn’t mind eatin’ me a couple-three nuggets of camote and fuckin’ you all night. It’s time to get wiggly, baby! Randy Karl Tucker is twenty-one.”

“No, Randy,” said Parvati, undulating away to the far side of the kitchen. “That’s what I have to talk to you about. It’s all over between you and me. I’ve only been waiting here to say a last good-bye. You’ve been good to me, but I’m leaving.”

“Where would you go? You won’t find a more reliable source of imipolex. Do you want more than ten kilograms a month, Parvati? Is that it?”

“As a matter of fact, Randy, soon you’re going to be out of a job and in no position to provide any imipolex. But no matter. The point is that I’ve found a fine new husband among the Coorg Castle nabobs. His name is Krishna. He’s all blue. Very beautiful.”

“You done bought your way into high society with my imipolex, huh? And what the hell do you mean I’ll be out of a job? Ramanujan and me just made a big discovery. More’n likely, I’ll get a fat raise. Now stop talkin’ crazy, Parvati. I don’t mind if you visit with your Krishna now and then, just so’s you keep comin’ home and takin’ care of me.”

“You’re going to be out of a job because I’m going to uvvy the security director of Emperor Staghorn Beetle Larvae, Ltd., and tell her that you’ve been giving Ramanujan’s secrets to that Heritagist Jenny-thing. I’ve got several of your calls recorded inside my body for evidence. I’m sorry, Randy, but Krishna says I have to report you. He has very high morals.”

Randy reeled back against the kitchen table and fell into a chair. “Your snotty moldie boyfriend wants you to tell Emperor Staghorn I’ve been spying for Jenny? Oh, you bitch. You goddamn, slimy, bossy, bullying—” Just then the superleech on the table brushed against Randy’s hand. In one swift, savage movement, Randy leaped across the room and plastered the leech against Parvati’s bottom.

Parvati struck out at him, but the superleech dug in and took effect. Parvati’s struggles turned to warm embraces. Where the old leech-DIMs had turned Parvati into a kind of glowing egg, the new superleech left her body shape much the same. The difference was that Parvati’s usual personality was gone—or submerged. Having sex with her felt perhaps more like masturbating than like making love. But Randy did it anyway; he did it hard, right there on the kitchen floor, thrusting himself deep into her as if somehow he could teach her a lesson.

When he’d finished, Randy put his uvvy on and told the superleech to tell Parvati to cook dinner. While she busied herself with the pots and pans, Randy kept up his uvvy contact with her and the superleech. The real Parvati was definitely still there, down under the superleech. She was confused, disoriented, and above all angry at being trapped in the superleech-run cage of her body. It was sad to see her this way—but for now Randy had no intention of setting her free. She wanted to squeal on him to Emperor Staghorn!

Soon Parvati served some rice with a delicious mushroom curry. It wasn’t until he’d eaten two big helpings that Randy realized the curry was full of poached camote. He’d eaten perhaps twenty nuggets. Parvati’s shackled spirit had found a way to trick the superleech. She’d cooked dinner, but she’d poisoned him.