Alyson Noël - Saving Zoë

But he just looked at me all serious and said, “I liked you from the very first moment I saw you.”

Which is kind of like you had me at hello” but better, because it’s real, and spontaneous, and not from a movie.

So then I laughed, because, please, the first time he saw me goes all the way back to fifth grade. Right before his mom started sending him away to all of those private schools.

But when I reminded him of that, he just said, “I know.”

Sometimes when I’m reading Zoë’s diary I need to take little breaks. I mean, part of me is anxious to move forward, and just burn through the pages as fast as I can. But the other part feels a little overwhelmed, like all of my senses are completely filled up, and I just really need to set it down, close my eyes, and try to regroup.

Though I guess I regrouped for too long, because the next thing I know, the sun is set, my room is dark, and Zoë’s diary is gone.

“Who’s there?” I sit up frantically, rubbing my eyes. “What are you doing?” I ask, making an unsuccessful swipe for the book.

“What’s this?” Abby asks, flipping through the pages, her eyes on the lookout for something good. “Are you holding out on me? Is this some kind of love journal, where you write down all of your heartfelt feelings for Parker?” She laughs, playing her version of keep-away.

I just look at her, forcing myself to take slow deep breaths, forcing myself to stay calm. “Abby, please. I’m serious. I really need that back,” I say, struggling for patience as she scans the pages, though luckily without really reading. “Come on, Abby, please,” I beg. “It used to be Zoë’s.”

I feel bad when it works. When I see her face go from gleeful to grave the second she hears my sister’s name.

But I had to get it back, and it’s not like she left me with any other choice.

Tm sorry,” she says, shutting the book and handing it to me. “Honestly, I didn’t know.” She bites down on her bottom lip, her eyes wide and sad.

“It’s okay,” I say, sliding it back under my bed while giving her the “good sport” shrug. “Let’s go study downstairs.”

Carly was pissed I didn’t go to her party — assumed it was because of her being all happy and hooked up with Stephen. Please, I could give a shit about all that. I mean, seriously. Whatever. I tried to tell her I’d already made plans, but it just made it worse. She got all hostile and hurt and accused me of ditching her for Marc!

“You’ve totally changed since you hooked up with him! You’ve ditched everyone else just so you can be with him,” she yelled.

I just held the phone and rolled my eyes, because no way was I getting sucked into her self-righteous not-so-mellow-drama.

So then she goes, “Everyone’s talking about it, and I’m only telling you this because you’re my best friend and I love you like a sister.”

“Oh, is that why you stole my boyfriend?” I asked, which I know was stupid since it’s not like I care. I guess I just couldn’t stand to listen to her stupid, fake, best-friends-forever-and-ever-and-ever bullshit speech, especially since it’s no longer true.

So she goes. “You were over Stephen and you know it I can’t believe you’re acting like such a bitch, over a guy!”

But I didn’t say anything. Seriously, I refused to get sucked in any further.

So then she goes, “Seriously, Zoë, I’m worried about you. Everyone’s worried about you. I mean, how well do you even know him? ’Cause lye heard some pretty scary stories about his private school years. Why do you think he had to enroll in public again? It’s because he had no choice, nobody else would take him. Honestly, I think that whole quiet and mysterious act is totally played. Because the truth is, he’s just weird. And I know you know what everyone says about his family, right? I mean, they’re bad news. It’s like, he shows up at parties, but then barely even talks to anyone. He’s got all that money but he drives that old, beater car. He’s like some rich-ass grease monkey, and his mom is like a total pharm-hound boozaholic, not to mention she’s been married like a zillion times, not to mention how his dad’s supposed to get out of jail anytime now and Marc will probably go live with him — a convicted felon! A former prisoner! I mean, have you even thought about any of this?”

I know I shouldn’t have let her get to me, I know I should’ve just ignored it, but I couldn’t just let all that go. So I said, “You don’t know what you’re talking about. Everything you just said is all rumors and bullshit! None of it’s true! And if you were my friend then you would believe me, not judge me, and stand by me no matter what!”

But she just goes, “Sorry Zoë, but I just can’t do that.”

So I go, “Then you know what, Carly? I guess you’re not really my friend.”

When I hung up I felt pretty bad, I mean, we really did used to be best friends. But then I used to think I had a lot of friends. I used to think everyone loved me and cared about me, and only wanted the best for me. So it feels pretty bad to know they’re all talking shit about me instead.

But still, if I’m forced to choose, and apparently I am, then I choose Marc. And it’s not like I owe Carly or anyone else an explanation for that.

Because if you’re gonna make someone choose, then you shouldn’t be surprised when they don’t choose you.

Almost got caught taking a catnap at work today. Big time, serious close call. Normally I’m way more careful about stuff like that — / even set the alarm on the computer for ten minutes before the appt ends. But I guess I just didn’t hear it go off, cuz the next thing I knew Doctor Freud was standing over me, fingers scraping against his graying old scraggle chin, going, “Zoë? Are you okay?”

Luckily, I was slumped so far down my face was practically in my lap, so without even flinching I just opened my eyes, reached down, and grabbed the pen that had fallen on the ground. Then I looked up at him and smiled and said, “Yeah, I was just looking for this.” Then I held up that blue ballpoint, like it was solid evidence of a hard day’s work. And even though I don’t really think he bought it, he still just nodded, and then headed for the can. And by the time he got back his next appt was already there.

But the truth is, I was exhausted from Marc. And the fact that he spent the night last night! Seriously — the whole, entire, wonderful, glorious, outrageous, world-changing, life-altering night!

Since Echo left for her annual “Cerebral Campers” week or whatever they call that Camp Brainiac thing she goes to every year, Marc scaled the tree, came in through her room, crept down the hall, and spent the whole night with me until I heard both my parents making their way down the stairs in the morning.

It was the first time we’d actually slept together, first time we had sex together! And even though we’ve been dating for only two weeks — well two weeks ago since the first time he kissed me, then he left me hanging for a while but still, he’s pretty much the one that made us both wait. He said he didn’t want to rush it, that we should give it time to build.