Elizabeth Moon - Oath of Gold

“Ah. You wish to join us in honoring him.”

“Yes. With Tamar’s help, I can walk.” She took another step to prove this, and stayed upright, though with difficulty.

“Very well. We will go slowly.” They had spent the night, Paks saw, on the edge of the band of trees splintered and torn by the falling daskdraudigs. She wondered again how she had escaped being crushed by either tree or stone. Giron led them downslope, back to the trail they had been on and beyond. In a small glade surrounded by silver poplars, Phaer and Clevis were laid side by side, their bows beside them.

“Stay here and watch,” said Giron, “while Tamar and I seek the sacred boughs.” Paks and Ansuli sank down, one on either side of the clearing, to watch and wait. For some time they said nothing. Sunlight glittered on the leaves of the silver poplars; Paks smelled the rich mold of leaves decaying under them. She looked at the fallen leaves: each one a delicate tracery of veins, each one different. Her eyes kept straying to the two bodies laid bare in the sun; she glanced quickly away each time. It seemed indecent to leave the faces uncovered—she had heard the elves’ ways were different, but had not seen them. In the sun that poured into the clearing as if into a well, the elven bone structure of brow and jaw seemed more alien than when they were alive. Paks shivered. She was sure Ansuli wondered how she had survived, when an old comrade, a half-elf, had been killed. She was sure he was watching her. She looked across and met his gaze.

“You have no elven blood; you do not understand our way?”

“I—we bury our dead—”

“And wonder why we leave ours prey to the winds and animals?” Paks nodded. “You humans fear harm, do you not, to the spirits of the dead from harm done even to their dry bones? Yes? Elves, and those of the part-elven who adopt elven ways, need have no such fear. Humans are of the earth, and like all earth-beings share in the taigin.” Paks stared at him; she had never heard anyone speak of men and the taigin together. He smiled, and nodded. “Yes, indeed. Some of you are more—are granted more by the high gods—but all humans are to their bodies as the taig to its place. But elves, when they are killed, have no longer any relation to the bodies they used, and harm or injury done the body cannot affect them. An elf may be possessed, but only while alive. Death frees elves from all enchantments. Thus we return the bodies to the earth, which nourished them, without care except for the mourners. It is for ourselves that we lay straight, and bring the sacred boughs.”

Paks nodded, but still had trouble looking at the bodies. Ansuli went on. “You surely lost comrades before, when you fought with the Halveric’s friend?”

“Yes. But—” She looked at Ansuli, trying to think how to say it. “But if Phaer—”

“Be at rest, human. Some god gave you the gift to sense evil, and to trace it. Phaer placed two daskin arrows in a daskdraudigs, by what you said, and that’s enough to make a song for him. He did what he could, and the fir tree moved as its heartwood willed, and by these acts your gift was not wasted. Would you quarrel with the gods’ gifts?”

“No. But—”

He laughed shortly, as if his ribs hurt him. “But humans would quarrel with anything. No, I’m not angry. Paksenarrion, do you think we regret that you lived? We mourn our friends, yes, but you did not kill Phaer or Clevis.” Paks said nothing. She still felt an outsider, the only one who had no elven blood. And she had not fought the daskdraudigs. Ansuli coughed a little. “I was wondering about this gift of yours,” he said then. “How long have you had it?”

“Please?”

“The gift to sense evil. How long have you had this? All your life?”

“I don’t know,” said Paks. “In Fin Panir they said that paladins could sense good and evil—that it was a gift given by Gird when they were chosen and trained. They had some magics, as well, so that we candidates could feel what it was like, but—”

“I don’t mean humans in general. I mean you.”

“Oh. Not—not long. Not before yesterday—” but as she spoke, Paks thought back to those mysterious events in the Duke’s Company. She told Ansuli of them, but finished: “But that must have been Canna’s medallion, not my own gift, for the Marshal-General said that the gift was found only in paladins of Gird—”

“She denied the power to paladins of Camwyn and Falk?” His voice was scornful.

“No, but—”

“However wise and powerful your Marshal-General of Gird, Paksenarrion, she is not as old or wise or powerful as the gods themselves. Nor as old as elves. Did you know that there are elves in the Ladysforest who knew Gird—knew him as Ardhiel knew you?”

“No—” Paks had not thought before of the implications of elven longevity. She looked curiously at Ansuli. “Did you?”

“I? No. I am not so old, being of the half-blood only. But I have spoken to one who knew him. Your Marshal-General—and I grant her all respect—did not. She is not one to bind or loose the gods’ gifts. I think she would say that herself, did you ask her. In her time, perhaps, in Fin Panir, the gods give the gift to sense evil to those chosen from among paladin candidates. But in old times and other places, the gods have done otherwise—as they have with you. Your friend’s medallion might focus the power for one unknowing and unskilled in its use, as you were, but the gift was yours.”

Paks felt a strange rush of emotions she could not define—she felt like crying and laughing all at once. And deep within, the certainty of that gift rooted and grew. Still she protested: “But—the way I am now—?”

“Ah, you will speak of it, eh? Giron is not the only one who had heard rumors. Yet you mastered the sickness, did you not? Arrows are missing from your quiver; I suspect you, too, shot at the daskdraudigs—”

“The arrows broke,” whispered Paks, staring at the ground.

“So would any but daskin arrows, on such a beast. Get you better weapons next time, warrior; it was not your skill that failed.” He laughed again, softly. “I wonder what other gifts you have hidden, that you have not seen or used. Are you a lightbringer or a healer? Can you call water from rocks, or set the wind in a ship’s sails?”

“I—no, I am no such—I can’t be such. It would mean—”

“It would mean you had some great work to do, which the gods gave you aid for. It would mean you should learn your gifts, and use them, and waste no words denying what is clear to—” He broke off as they heard Giron and Tamar returning, singing softly one of the evening songs.

Giron led the way into the clearing, not pausing in his song as he moved to help Ansuli stand. Tamar helped Paks to her feet, and together they moved to the center of the clearing and laid the boughs of holly, cedar, rowan, and fireoak on the bodies. Paks followed the pattern Tamar set, not knowing then or for many years why they were laid as they were.

When they were done, Tamar helped Paks back to their camp, and she slept the rest of that day and night. The next morning she was able to rise by herself, though still sore and stiff. Ansuli lay heavily asleep, his narrow face flushed with fever. When Paks had eaten breakfast, Giron and Tamar came to sit near her.

“Can you heal?” asked Giron, as calmly as if he asked whether she could eat mutton. She answered as calmly.

“I tried to, once, using a medallion of Gird belonging to a friend. I don’t know whether it worked—”

“Wound or sickness?”

“An arrow wound.”

“And did it heal?”

“Yes, but not at once. It might have been—we found surgeon’s salve, and used that as well.”