John Burkitt - Touch of the Nisei

“I see.” Kubali’s jaw set firmly. “He trusted you entirely, I imagine?”

“Why yes, he did.”

“Uh huh. Everyone needs someone they can trust entirely. Someone whose love for them is unconditional--who would never betray them.”

“I know.” She rubbed his chest mane with her paw. “You are that person for me.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” he said.

She seemed to be waiting for him to answer her more meaningfully, but he did not.

“You do trust me, don’t you, lover?”

Kubali changed the subject quickly. “Look, the bats are out. They don’t fly in straight lines like birds.”

Elanna glared at him. “I asked you a question!”

Kubali looked back, tensely. “Look, I’m trying to let this whole business about Taka be firmly in the past. If you help me, I’ll help you.”

“What about Taka?? Today I’ve made love to you many times! Do you think I’d just go crouch with any lion in the bushes??” She shoved him roughly with a paw. “Kubali, if there is no trust between us, there sure as the world will be no more intimacy. I don’t crouch for someone that doesn’t trust me!”

“I trust you all right. I just can’t forget what you did just like that! I’m sorry, but it’s going to take time!”

“And what did I do??”

“You know.”

“Assume for a moment I don’t!”

“I don’t want to talk about it. Look, I trust you, OK? Let’s get some sleep.”

“Sure! You sleep here. I’ll find me a place.”

“Look, you little spitfire, you’re acting like a complete fool! Everything was fine, then all of a sudden you change toward me!”

She got up quickly and moved away from him. "I thought you were gentle and sensitive, but you’re not at all! You’re coarse and inconsiderate, and it’s no wonder they drove you out!”

The words seemed to sting him more than words could express. He stared at her for a while silently, a look of barely suppressed rage on his face. Then when he found his tongue, he blurted out, “Yeah right, like I’m the only outcast here! If you’re so perfect in every way, where are your pride sisters when you need them? Huh??”

Shocked and hurt, tears welled up in her eyes and she stammered, “Good bye, Kubali. It’s over.” She turned quickly and walked off, leaving him alone in the night.

He growled back at her as she drew away, "FINE...leave me.” He shouted, “I don’t need you! You HEAR me?? I don’t need ANYONE!” He let out a loud roar and turned from her.

At first Kubali was angry enough to hide from the grimness of his situation. He muttered to himself, “How could she betray Taka? Even if he was insane! I could understand if she’d left him, but having him ripped alive?? My gods! Hey, I was willing to forget and forgive, but she started acting like a complete...."

He stopped and sighed. The loneliness was beginning to find the chinks in his defenses and wear away his resolve. “And I guess I helped her a lot, didn’t I?? Way to GO, Kubali!” He flopped on the ground where they lied together a few moments ago. He inhaled slowly and deeply, reading her fragrance. "She was the most beautiful and loving lioness I had ever met--and I went and blew it! She was my last chance for happiness.” He rolled on his back and sighed. “My last chance. I’ll never forget the look on her face when I rubbed in her exile.” He frowned and growled. “But she never should have said what she did! She started it! She insulted me first! She made me mad, and I just had to say something--I just had....” He sighed again. “Well, I didn’t HAVE to. Oh God, help me! Maybe I’m not the most patient lion in the world, but I really love her, and I need her. Help me please!”

Kubali rolled over and got up. “I am not the lion my father exiled." He opens his eyes slowly, "I will find her...confess my love to her...and ask her to be mine."

He moved off slowly in the direction that he saw Elanna disappear in, nose close to the ground, seeking the scent that will lead him to her.

As Elanna walked away, disappearing into the night, her ears turned to hear his roar of frustration after her. “What did I see in him?” she muttered softly. “He is nothing like Taka. Why did I give myself to him like I did?” She walked a short distance more, intent on leaving Kubali for good. As she continued to move away from him though, she turns her head more often, as if a part of her is saying no. Finally, she gave up and sat down to work through her thoughts.

Out of frustration for her remaining feelings for Kubali, she muttered, “He did not trust me.” She sighed and looked over the open fields. “Maybe I should go home...I have nothing here either. Even if they kill me, I will be with my husband and I won’t be lonely again.” She looks up at the stars, searching for him. “I will join you, my love...you must keep your faith. I will be there to cradle you again, tell you how much you mean to me. In Aiheu’s fields you will dream no bad dreams and I will weep no tears. How could you send me to that lion? You were mistaken about him, Taka. I don’t need the kind of care he gives me. You were wrong, Honey Tree.”

She laid her body in the grass and, with a deep sigh, allowed her head to fall to her paws in thought. Through her mind ran the times she spent with her husband--how she courted him. The expectation of giving him cubs, then the tragedy of losing them and with them her fertility. She smiles softly, remembering how he wouldn’t replace her and how he remained faithful through it all. “He was always there for me. He loved me. He truly loved me!”

She gasped softly, remembering the moments of passion she had shared with Kubali. “Will Taka be jealous? Will he want me back? Oh gods, if he refuses me what will I do??”

She remembered the last days of Taka’s life. She recalled the sleepless nights she spent cuddling him close and protecting him from his bad dreams. She remembered trying to anticipate his needs and fill them one by one. She could not always know what would please him, and he would sulk. Then she would have to use all her powers of subtlety to draw out the cause of his ill humor and make it up to him. She remembered staying in the cave by herself and not even given the satisfaction of feeding herself. His temper had become even worse in the weeks before his downfall. She stayed by his side through it all for their love was strong. But he would leave her alone for hours or days in a private hell of despair.

She didn’t know what to make of Kubali. Their first meeting still fresh in her mind, remembering how alone she felt until she meet him. How he didn’t try to control her life...how she could actually sleep through the day without it being interrupted by a scream. She could even express her thoughts to him, something she never dared to do to Taka. He was more like her memories of Mufasa and Ahadi. She sighed softly, trying to chart her future course.

Her eyes traveled back up to the sky. “I loved you so much, my dear, that I never realized how much you controlled and used me. Whatever you did to me, I still loved you and I always will.” She sighed softly, “But what is this I feel for this other lion? Is it love like I felt with you, or is this just my season? I talk about you so much to him, I guess that is unfair to him. You mean so much to me, even when you aren’t here, how can I just forget you?”

She heard a voice. It might have been beside her or just in the back of her mind. But its message arrested her. “Don’t forget me, but don’t forget him either. If he knew the truth, all would be well between you. Tell him the truth, Lannie.”

A lioness has little trouble following even an old trail when they are following someone else. But they are so accustomed to their own scent that it is hard for them to backtrack. She desperately tried to trace her steps back to Kubali. “Help me, Taka! Guide me, Aiheu! Gods, give me success!”