Линси Сэндс - Meant to Be Immortal [calibre]

“I think maybe I should try to go back for counseling,” she said suddenly.

Mac loosened his hold and leaned back to peer at her. “If that’s what you’d like.”

She smiled wryly. “What I’d like is to be normal.”

“What is normal?” he asked with amusement. “I’ve lived a long time and have yet to meet anyone that most people would consider fully normal.”

CJ smiled at the “lived a long time” bit. He insisted that he was older than he looked and she wasn’t dating a younger man, but he looked—and had the stamina—of a much younger man. Pushing that thought aside, she shrugged and said, “Maybe normal is the wrong word. But I’d like to learn to live with who I am more comfortably, and not let it affect my future choices. I don’t want to carry my baggage from my marriage into my relationship with—” She cut herself off abruptly as she realized what she was saying and to whom. They still hadn’t discussed what this was they were enjoying and she wasn’t sure she had a right to call it a relationship.

But Mac nodded solemnly. “I personally feel that you are handling your baggage just fine, but I understand. I worry that something from my past might affect my future with you too,” he assured her, and then added, “And I have to tell you, I am hoping for a long and happy future with you, CJ.”

CJ had started out wondering how his past might affect their future, and then realized that he hadn’t yet told her how he had caught HIV, but then the second part of his comment had caught her attention and she now stared at him wide-eyed. “You are?”

Mac nodded. “I’d like you to be my life mate, and I’m hoping eventually you’ll feel that way too.”

CJ smiled at the term life mate . It sounded so much more grown-up and serious than girlfriend.

“I know it’s early in our relationship to mention that, and I’m trying to be patient,” he said.

Relationship. Yes! It was actually a relationship. Awesome sauce! CJ thought, because she wasn’t the type of person to be comfortable sleeping with someone she wasn’t in a relationship with, but since they hadn’t discussed it she hadn’t been able to claim it was one even to herself. Now she could.

“But you should know that I think you’re the most incredible woman I’ve ever met. You’re smart, and brave and strong, and you make me laugh . . . I’ve known you were perfect for me from the start, but now I’m afraid I might be falling in love with you, CJ Cummings.”

CJ’s heart skipped a beat. He’d used the L word. Oh, God, the L word. It was too soon. Wasn’t it? She thought it might be. How long did it take to start falling in love? They’d only met a few short weeks ago. On the other hand, they’d met under strenuous circumstances, and seen each other under pressure. The man had lost everything when she met him, and yet he hadn’t been depressed, or all doom and gloom. In fact, he’d been ridiculously good-natured about everything. And now they’d had two weeks on the island, laughing and playing and loving and talking, always talking. They hadn’t argued once, or even disagreed about anything. Their tastes seemed to be completely in sync, as did their values from all the conversations they’d managed to fit in, and they had managed to fit in a lot of conversations. Usually while with the others, but still . . .

If CJ were to describe Mac, she’d say he was almost a male version of herself. Oh, there were differences between them, not least of all physically, but they were complementary differences rather than conflicting. They worked well together and she knew without a doubt that she was falling in love with him too. Unlike him, she didn’t have the courage to admit that, though.

So much for his belief that she was brave, CJ thought, and wondered why she was holding back. It didn’t take a lot of soul-searching or even counseling to figure that out. She’d thought she was in love with Billy too . . . until she found out that he wasn’t the man he’d presented himself to be. Now she didn’t trust her own instincts and feelings when it came to love.

She’d need time to assure herself that he was who he seemed to be, CJ supposed, and found herself dissatisfied with that opinion. She didn’t really want to wait to embrace her feelings. She didn’t want to spend the next six months to a year watching him for signs that he wasn’t who he seemed to be, and trying to catch him in lies. But she was scared. She wished there was some way to be sure he was right for her and that she wouldn’t be making another huge mistake if she gave in to her desires, welcomed him wholeheartedly into her life, and admitted she loved him too. But there wasn’t, and she was too scared to take that chance this soon in the relationship.

What she needed was more information, she decided, and considered what she should ask him. Since she’d just told him how she had come to have HIV, it probably shouldn’t be surprising that the first question to come to her mind was, “Would you be willing to tell me how you came to have HIV?”

The words slipped from her lips in almost a whisper, one he apparently didn’t hear. Not only did he not respond, but he didn’t even look as if he’d realized that she had spoken. His gaze was fixed somewhere well below her chin, his eyes wide and hungry and again looking more silver than blue, she noted, watching with fascination as liquid mercury seemed to slide into his eyes to swamp the blue. She was so fascinated by the sight that she didn’t see his hand move until she felt the backs of his knuckles brush over one nipple without cloth to protect it.

Gasping, CJ glanced down at once to see that her robe had gaped open, leaving most of both breasts on display, and the one he’d just touched was pebbling and darkening as blood rushed to it. Even as she noticed that, Mac bent his head to claim the nipple he’d aroused.

“Mmm,” CJ moaned, her hands tangling in his hair as he began to suckle. But when his tongue flicked the hard bud, sending a frenzy of sensation through her body, she gasped and wiggled excitedly on the growing hardness under her bottom and then tugged at the hair she was clutching, trying to raise his head.

Much to her relief, he released her nipple then and lifted his lips to find hers. CJ kissed him with every drop of the mounting excitement he’d roused in her. It brought an eager response from him and within moments they were both breathless and desperate for more. Until CJ broke their kiss and gasped, “I need you.”

Mac growled deep in his throat at the plea, caught her by the waist, and stood up. She thought he’d carry her back to the bedroom, but he apparently didn’t have the patience to seek comfort. Instead, he set her on the table, pushed the robe off her shoulders, spread her legs, and stepped between them. But he didn’t enter her right away as she wanted. Instead, he rubbed himself against her as he reclaimed her lips, his hard length gliding over the bud of her excitement repeatedly as he devoured her mouth. The move was ridiculously effective. CJ was ready to come apart within moments, but she didn’t want to go alone. It was best when he was in her, then she at least knew he found satisfaction too.

Tearing her mouth away, she growled, “Love me. I need you inside me.”

Mac opened his mouth, and then suddenly snapped it closed and grabbed her robe to draw it up around her shoulders. The sudden move bewildered her until she heard the knock at the screen door. Glancing sharply over her shoulder, she saw Bricker through the screen and quickly faced forward again, her gaze dropping over Mac’s very naked, very obviously excited body. If he stayed right where he was, it would be fine, but if he went to answer the door, Bricker would have no doubt of what they’d been up to.